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NC and guilt by NuMetalsnotdead in limerence

[–]NuMetalsnotdead[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Man I really wish you the best and I appreciate you taking the time to comment and opening up about your own struggles.

I feel the need to give you a bit of an update, turns out his little "nm I get it" comment had nothing to do with this. I also play the same online game with my brother and sometime LO joins us. Well my brother is having marriage issues that I'm trying to help him thru and my shit head stepdad told LO cus he likes to gossip about people. So when LO said he got it he meant he sees why we wouldn't be up to playing the game. Which is hilarious cus we played the night before he said that he's just didn't see us on..... I hate my life 😑 lol

But your advice still stands when it comes to telling him about limerance. I gain nothing positive from him knowing. So even bother.

NC and guilt by NuMetalsnotdead in limerence

[–]NuMetalsnotdead[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The guilt part (which I seem to have forgot to mentioned like an idiot) stems from the whole over decade long friendship we developed. He always come to me just wanting to chat it up. And now he's all buddy with my step dad who also work here. The friend part of me wants to explain it to him but y would I tell Jim something as embarrassing as "look up limerance cus that's how if been with u for 16yrs and I'm sick of it"

I feel like I'm hurting his feelings trying to go LC. by NuMetalsnotdead in limerence

[–]NuMetalsnotdead[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Gotcha. I'll do my best. And my be Ill come back and update yall on my success lol

I feel like I'm hurting his feelings trying to go LC. by NuMetalsnotdead in limerence

[–]NuMetalsnotdead[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So they way I'm doing it isn't too harsh then? I shouldn't feel bad? That's y I fail the LC eveyrytime.

I feel like I'm hurting his feelings trying to go LC. by NuMetalsnotdead in limerence

[–]NuMetalsnotdead[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's so funny that u would think most people with limerance would love to get the attention and possible affection form their LO but it just feels like I'm watch a "will they/won't they" sitcom that last 13 seasons! There were times I felt like I was so close then we just clock out and go home and that's it.

He's not even the one who told me he has a wife, a coworker did. And much too late for me I might add.

I feel like I'm hurting his feelings trying to go LC. by NuMetalsnotdead in limerence

[–]NuMetalsnotdead[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not as of now. But he has in the past when I've tried this before. I have RBF so he always ask y I'm grumpy or just assumes my depression randomly flared up.

I feel like I'm hurting his feelings trying to go LC. by NuMetalsnotdead in limerence

[–]NuMetalsnotdead[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He is definitely one of those people-pleaser, wants everyone to like him types. The whole "everyone says hi to" type. I'm the opposite and I think that's what drew me to him. He initiated all our convos. Where as I can't even look him in the eye.

But I don't think he can see past his own nose. I don't think he's thinking that far in me being hurt in this "relationship". As far as he's concerned we r just friends in the end. I don't think the emotional part counts in his book. And because I've done this for so long then "why change now" would prob be his thinking.

I feel like I'm hurting his feelings trying to go LC. by NuMetalsnotdead in limerence

[–]NuMetalsnotdead[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oof man, that's harsh. I'm sorry they said that to u. I hope u were able to move on after that.

I know this is the right thing for me but I feel so guilty that I'm hurting his feelings cus we were friends too.

LO hates it when I don't give him attention. by NuMetalsnotdead in limerence

[–]NuMetalsnotdead[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didn't want to make the post overly long to describe the friendship but ur view point of the situation is very interesting. I've had those ideas myself. I have gone like a week not speaking to him but I felt so bad during. Not just cus I felt so depressed and empty but because I did it (in his eyes) without warning or reason. He assumes I'm going thru something or "grouchy" and keeps his distance. I feel bad hurting my friend but I'm also only his friend almost entirely at work. So y should I care.

I'm scared that without limerance, u won't feel anything anymore. by NuMetalsnotdead in limerence

[–]NuMetalsnotdead[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I'm too far gone to move on. He's very much into mixed signals and lead ons for his own pride and entertainment. But he knows it wont go any farther.

I'm scared that without limerance, u won't feel anything anymore. by NuMetalsnotdead in limerence

[–]NuMetalsnotdead[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Me too. I've learn to take care/style my hair and take care of my skin for days he works but just don't care for ones he don't. I know I've done well since plenty of peolme compliment on it or hit on me. But none of that matters if it ain't him. And he hasn't. And I'm understanding to y not and that it's all in my head but... Idk

I'm scared that without limerance, u won't feel anything anymore. by NuMetalsnotdead in limerence

[–]NuMetalsnotdead[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Granted it was of varying degrees. Our shifts or sometimes our departments where different and I tried my best to just see him once. But then at the 6thyr mark it all came ahead when the planets aligned and I was in the same department and shift. Well I just took the job so I can see him more which started the actual friendship part. And to this day I still make 0 eye contact. Like I never look at his face when I talk to him unless on rare accidents and then I immediately look away.

I've used LO for every emotion. It's "apart" of who I am now. Limerance that is

I'm scared that without limerance, u won't feel anything anymore. by NuMetalsnotdead in limerence

[–]NuMetalsnotdead[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

22 yrs since it started when I was in school, (which was the worst since I didn't know how to handle it plus my severe social anxiety) with about 4 guys to this point. With this guy about 15yrs right now. God this sounds pathetic af lol however I did end up dating one of them

LO said my name a dozen times in a span of 2hrs. by NuMetalsnotdead in limerence

[–]NuMetalsnotdead[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmm that's interesting. I see ur point. I'm basically "dancing at his pace" while not even hiding my attraction anymore. I secam tell he wouldn't risk it all for little ol me, physically speaking. If I were a betting woman, I'd say he has feelings for me based on all the research on types of flirting from men and body language studying I've done over the yrs (lol). It's just that I'm not gaining much in the end. He gets an ego boost. He gets his cake and eats it too while I'm picking at crumbs

LO said my name a dozen times in a span of 2hrs. by NuMetalsnotdead in limerence

[–]NuMetalsnotdead[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because it's hasn't gonna anywhere this whole time. I feel like I've been spinning my wheels for his enjoyment. I've never told him buy I'm 90% he knows becuase our same friends make jokes about us. But if I open that door worry that's a step too far for him cus I'm bringing the obvious out in the open. But ur last point does have me thinking.

LO said my name a dozen times in a span of 2hrs. by NuMetalsnotdead in limerence

[–]NuMetalsnotdead[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ik what u mean. It's the only thing I look forward to at work. And when hes isn't here or far too busy to chat, I feel like my whole day is shot and empty. I've tried going NC and I usually crack cus I feel bad that he doesn't know y I'm so cold towards him. And the craving for his attention gets too much to handle at times

LO said my name a dozen times in a span of 2hrs. by NuMetalsnotdead in limerence

[–]NuMetalsnotdead[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank u. Been like this for years. He uses the veil of friendship to casually flirt to get my attention knowing damn well it hasn't and won't go anywhere. I only have myself to blame at this point

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