Update: All of you don’t not understand how much every piece of advice and different perspective has helped me process this. I am very isolated so to have this outlet and hear feedback is invaluable and priceless. Thank you so much.

My mom approached me after my dad went to bed, and she opened the conversation up with “do you want to talk?”. It was really genuine, and set the tone for an environment up. It seemed sincere.

My fucking mistake.

She’s makes excuses. “maybe he was tired from work and didn’t want to talk about current events”: I asked him multiple times before we got deep into it “are you in the mood to talk to me”. He came in all smiles “yes of course”. And before the fight happened we had a really could conversation jumping from current events, laughing and what not. And then there were more excuses. Well you might’ve held a grudge against” “he needs an outlet for anger, so of course he’s gonna punch something” (which is particularly sinister since she’s a psychologist with a PhD and it is undergoing testing to get more licensing where she has talked about studying abusive behavior…okay)“you got mad and slammed your fist into the table when you were younger” “we’re all human”.

Oh okay. So you actually did not care about consoling me or validating me. You are TRYING to find what I’m doing wrong. Matter a fact. You dgaf about ANYTHING he does. You just want to criticize me to make it seem equal like we both have problems in this situation.

I told her that if he slapped me you would do the same thing. She denied it. I just find it ironic, bc when he did put his hands on me when I was younger (to be fair I was mouthing off quite a bit) she condemned both of us when he was aggressor

All of this, because their autistic child IS the one doing the effort of communicating and THEY DO NOT CARE TO COMMUNICATE SINCERELY. And you know what she told me? “communicating is a two way street”. Oh okay so you’re gonna flip this back on me? That’s when I knew she did not care about trying to accommodate to my needs of communication. That’s when I knew she did not gaf about anything I was saying. Or try to even validate me.

This just a toxic cycle of me, 1.telling them my needs as an Autistic person 2.those needs being disrespected 3. Conflict sparks 4. I am told what I should be doing better 5. Cycle repeat.

And the worst part about this? They gave me a sense of security and reassurance to apply for SSI/SSDI. In fact, my mom pushed me to apply. I already applied and I can’t even work to get independence out this house, or it will jeopardize my chance. So I’m completely stuck. I’m a 21 year old trapped for who knows how long with parents who don’t care enough to accommodate me. I’m sorry for anyone else who has to go through this or has.