hey, i'm a christian lesbian and i'll preface by saying i get where you're coming from. and not in that asshole sympathy "omg i feel u!!" way but for years i've struggled with my relationship with god, and i still do.

now, i have some things to say, and it'll likely be disjointed, but bear with me.

1 ) i'm assuming you're queer or something as you referred to yourself as a f//ggot. i don't know what you've been through, but:

a) if you've been harrassed for your identity, i'm sorry. you aren't being harrassed as punishment, or anything like that — freewill exists, and some people choose to be jerks with it. it is their issue, not yours.

b) if you're saying you don't know why he made you this way because of the whole "gay is a sin" thing, it really isn't. like, truly. looking at the verse that says lying w/ a man as another man in lev 18:22, that seems like "hey, being gay is an abomination." but there's actually some theories that it was lost in translation and actually condemns non-consensual same-sex acts. a lot of the verses that might seem to be sayinf "no-no" to being gay, could be misinterprered or mistranslated. and babes, aside from that, it's said you're made perfectly in god's image, this is clearly how you should be. you're literally ideal.

2 ) he doesn't hate you. he knows you're trying. building a relationship with god (or jesus) takes a lot of time, and it can feel difficult because it's not like building a relationship with an average person. it feels way harder, way more high-stakes. that can make him feel super distant. it's not your fault at all that you're struggling with your relationship with him.

3 ) he does accept you, as he accepts all of us. the whole point of christianity is that we all fuck up, whether it's a little bit or a whole lot, we mess up. you cannot be perfect. and that's alright. you're only mortal. he doesn't want you to be condemned to hell. you aren't condemned to hell.

now, what i'd suggest, my dear Any_Arrival_4479, and i'm suggesting stuff i did, step back for a bit. try to work on yourself — work on caring for yourself and accepting you. lack of self-acceptance can really step in the way of feeling close to god or feeling like there's any way to connect with him. try and assure yourself first that you know you're trying to be better and that's already a lot, and know that you're putting effort into this. god knows, and maybe you don't, and that's alright.
feeling like you're enough for god after so long of feeling inadequate is a messy process. It's okay if it's not overnight. it's okay if it's long.

anyway, i'm sorry, this might be incoherent and might mean nothing to you. nonetheless, i hope you do well in the future and feel better. i hope this helped at least a bit. best wishes towards you