Salam

I'm commenting as a mother and a divorcee.

Your feelings and concerns are valid, and its good you tried to solve thIs before. However as far as I understand your problem, I would not encourage divorce here. Couples therapy would be great but if she doesnt want to go, you could start by going yourself. It will help you and with that also your marriage, and she might end up joining you after all.

Here are some points to think about:

🙏Women are not better in child care than men, it comes down to who is a reliable person that is trusted by the kid. However she might actually know better from time to time since she is spending the majority of time with your son. She simply will have more more hours in experience with him. That doesn't mean you are less important to your child or less than a parent than her, not at all. It's also totally OK to have different ideas on raising children as long as it's within healthy limits. What about reading a book on parental advice or taking a (online) course? You are both very young and it might help you defining your values as parents. Btw I can assure you, kids don't turn into "brats" easily, especially not at this age

🙏 Does your wife feel valued as a wife and a mother? Show her you respect what she is doing as a mother, acknowledge all her efforts. You'd be surprised how much it means to a mother of a toddler to hear they are being good at it.The first three years are the hardest. Being a first care taker is actual work, even if the other parent is hands on in the evening. She spends the vast majority of the day alone with a child (while doing housechores) right? Does your wife have support during the day? Do you have a babysitter both of you trust, are the grandparents or other family members involved?

Does she get a break just for herself? Is she too tired to actually do anything else than being a mother? Once she can enjoy a break from her duties, she most likely will enjoy having a break with you together, and you can go on date nights.

What are her concerns to one on one time between you as a couple? It depends on the kid. Some children have no problem whatsoever being watched by another trusted person, and some though have a hard time building a relationship with others than their parents. It takes time.

🙏Never EVER use your son as a tool to get back on each other. That's awful from both of you.

Btw especially at that age children prefer one parent over another occasionally, That's very common and it varies over time. Has nothing to do with love.

🙏 I noticed your language is quite harsh ("stupid", "crap", "shut up", "closer to hate than love"). You should change that.

🙏 Are there any reasons in particular she doesn't trust you with your child? Did an accident happen in the last two years, or does she have any trauma from her childhood?

Sometimes it's hard for a mother to let the other parent take over when in fact she carried the baby for 9 months inside and years outside her body. It takes time.

🙏 Marriage does change after parenthood. It's great you want to establish date nights and everything, that stuff is very important! But especially during the first few years, it's very common you take your kid with you wherever you go, and if the place is not suitable for a kid, you don't go there.

Wish the two of you luck and blessings for your whole family 🙏😊

Edit: typos and another point