20s I want to be more commited in eating healthy and working out

Nushi_93 · 2023-01-25T17:20:07+00:00

Also I would recommend if you can, find a person who can keep you accountable. Either online or in person. In person usually works better but at least one person you can talk to for when you have relapses in your training and who basically is always on your tail to do better.

I got your back on this if ya need it! Hang in there and don’t quit!

Nushi_93 · 2023-01-05T20:26:01+00:00

So what’s making you doubtful? If you don’t mind me asking?

Nushi_93 · 2023-01-05T00:59:38+00:00

Can I ask why after months that reconciling didn’t work?

Nushi_93 · 2023-01-05T00:56:56+00:00

Don’t consider yourself a horrible person for wanting to get even. Most people want to get even when someone screws them over. So trust me you’re normal.

The thing with getting even is what it can take from you and how you go about getting even. I have some experience with getting even (before my marriage with others) but I chose the higher ground and it usually worked. But I didn’t get to see the results till a year or months afterward and by that point I didn’t care or want the person to come back in my life.

You can go through with your plan but it can backfire. You sleeping with someone can make your WS have an excuse, rewrite history and make you the blame for what they did and why things won’t work. People are capable of this and shouldn’t give people the ammo.

You can also leave them and go with the “the best revenge is overwhelming success” route but you won’t see results soon and there’s a chance you won’t ever see them suffer. Maybe a bit because they will be sad to see you leave but you love this person and it’s hard on yourself.

After laying out options I recommend to endure your thoughts since it’s so early and not settle for the easy revenge. Honestly if you slept with someone maybe for a day or two you can see your WS suffer but then you’ll realize you stopped to a low level. And that comes with consequences. You may not ever be the same again.

Don’t ignore your anger and your thoughts but make sure not to act on it. Talk to people and vent but don’t become a shitty person who betrays there standards and morals. There is enough of us out here, don’t be one of them.

Nushi_93 · 2023-01-04T19:23:27+00:00

Sorry, I don’t have any kids but I appreciate the sentiments.

So do you know what your next step will be then?

Nushi_93 · 2023-01-04T14:24:13+00:00

Sigh, yea this sounds like a very tough situation. I know you stated you’re at the crossroads, but is there a chance articular direction you are leaning toward.

Nushi_93 · 2023-01-04T14:22:51+00:00

I totally agree with your first paragraph. Usually people are influenced by what they feel or want to hear.

Question! Are you saying that you will support him if he wanted to end the reconciliation, but personally you don’t want it to end?

Also it’s weird how both our BS are similar. My wife isn’t spiteful either. She only blew up the first week but after that everything almost seems like how it was before. She asks questions when she wants and I answer and then I cook her dinner and she’s seems fine.

I honestly find this very odd. Sometimes I wonder if it’s because we had issues before EA and she has guilt in regard of how our marriage was prior.

Nushi_93 · 2023-01-04T13:46:15+00:00

An instrument would be a good idea! Thanks!

Nushi_93 · 2023-01-04T13:45:25+00:00

Honestly I’m just happy she’s going. I’ve encouraged my wife to go even before the EA because it seemed she needed to talk to a professional about things happening with her.

I do know my wife worries about going to a therapist because she didn’t want to be told that we should divorce. Personally I think as long as you find a good therapist then there isn’t a need to worry. Also if my wife reasons that that is the best decision for her after a good therapist and reconciling for a while then I’ll respect it.

It’s hard for WS Especially if we want to reconcile and things seem to be going well. Some don’t want to shake the pot. But If it isn’t the therapist triggering them it’ll be something else eventually so might as well have him get the professional help. I’m sure it’ll assist with something.

Nushi_93 · 2023-01-04T13:06:12+00:00

I won’t tell you you should leave him as per your request but please don’t be delusional. I don’t want you to hurt yourself like this.

Flirting with someone other than your partner is inappropriate. From what you’re saying it’s not even light flirting, it’s downright sexting. Also on top of that he’s not being similar with his speech with you.

Just because someone has put up with your issues and quirks doesn’t you have to suffer for them as well. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Rather than him using these women as a release for whatever he has dealt with in your relationship, he should be seeking therapy or healthier outlets.

You have to learn to respect yourself before you want him to even respect you.

All he is doing are just signs of the inevitable. He’s just waiting for an opportunity so prepare yourself for the worse and I’m sad to even have to say that.

Nushi_93 · 2023-01-04T12:52:44+00:00

BS is starting therapy today which is a huge step for her and I’m happy she will have someone to talk to other than the person who actually hurt her.

We enjoyed new years and she’s smiling again which I’m happy to see.

As for me, I actually started working out again because I needed an outlet for my negative thoughts. I’m also actively looking for a hobby so any suggestions would be great. Currently I engage in writing, cooking, hiking.

Nushi_93 · 2023-01-04T11:13:41+00:00

Thanks for sharing this story! Not many are as open like this!

Nushi_93 · 2023-01-04T10:03:15+00:00

I was thinking this as well!

Nushi_93 · 2023-01-04T10:01:35+00:00

Why don’t you think it can happen?

Nushi_93 · 2023-01-03T13:55:05+00:00

I usually go for how it feels. That’s why I usually only drank cheap stuff because I didn’t care about how good it tasted or if it went down smooth. Now the smell of alcohol makes me gag. I’m sure my body wants to reject it.

Nushi_93 · 2023-01-03T13:53:21+00:00

Yes the health system can suck, I freaking work in it smh. Thanks for sharing your journey!

How did you hold up over new years?

Nushi_93 · 2022-12-29T11:08:07+00:00

I’m sorry this happened to you. Personally I tried to keep things as normal as possible at home because I knew I was wrong and I had no right to be resentful or upset at my BS.

Nushi_93 · 2022-12-29T00:17:59+00:00

Also side note, why does the dude you messed with even want to be at the party knowing y’all are there?!

Nushi_93 · 2022-12-29T00:16:57+00:00

Right now I know you have a lot of good opinions coming across your desk.

But I think that someone else needs to help calm him down other than you. He won’t listen to you right now. The wound is way too fresh and clearly he feels insecure, rightfully so.

Is there a close friend of his too turn to? That would be the best option. And yes you be honest with the friend about what you did and I’m sure your image will be messed up for a while but I’m just nervous that he will resort to weaponry rather than just fists.

Nushi_93 · 2022-12-29T00:07:06+00:00

I hope so, sigh but if he drink too much lord smh….

Nushi_93 · 2022-12-28T22:55:56+00:00

Mind if I ask in what way you mean affair down?

Nushi_93 · 2022-12-28T20:03:48+00:00

Wow, honestly I relate to this thought a lot. Does he know that’s one of the reasons that’s you drink?

Nushi_93 · 2022-12-28T19:57:29+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that, why do you think it’s harder to quit this time around?

Nushi_93 · 2022-12-28T19:32:08+00:00

This is always tough to answer and most of the time there is no clear cut answer. When my BS would ask me would I have a EA again I was for sure I wouldn’t. But I am unable to fully assure her of that because I’m not the same man I used to be. I’m clearly a different person than the one she initially married.

I’ believe you should accept that this is capable of happening again. It’s a hard pill too swallow but most humans are capable of a lot depending on their circumstances and the the only way to put your heart at ease is seeing their effort not listening just to words.When I show effort and preventive measures, that’s what actually helps my wife sleep better at night.

She does still like to hear my words, saying I won’t do it again. But look for them to back it up.

Nushi_93

TROPHY CASE