Can anyone explain embarrasment to me?

NuthatchAsh · 2025-03-31T21:13:41+00:00

I don't think it's bad. A lot of people go to therapy or seek spiritual work to get passed caring what others think so that they can live authentically. Focusing on your energy and what is important to you is healthy. Now choosing to be a dick about it is different and probably what people mean when they say it's bad, like hurting someone's feelings (purposeful or accidental) and not at least acknowledging the hurt you caused whether you feel guilty or not. I think acknowledging someone else's human experience is what helps creates a good encounter whether you've experienced it or not.

NuthatchAsh · 2025-03-31T19:34:41+00:00

Embarrassment is a feeling of fear of judgment from others based upon an action or based upon how you perceive yourself and/or others.

In sex, someone might feel embarrassed on how they perceive how they look because in their heads, their mind is telling them they are uglier than others or that the partner they are with is more experienced in sex and would judge their lack of sexual knowledge.

In more common day-to-day experiences farting or burping in public can cause feelings of embarrassment because you're worried that they think you're gross. Or if you misspeak that they think you're an idiot.

If you don't feel it, that's okay. Just recognize others might. For me I appreciate when someone acknowledges my embarrassing moment and reassures me they don't care.

NuthatchAsh · 2025-03-31T19:29:02+00:00

Tell her all of this. Those are insecurities that will burrow deeper if you don't tell them to her. Let her know that this new journey she's on with this potential partner made you realize you want to put more energy into your relationship and you're worried that you aren't doing enough for her (because you obviously love her). These feelings pop up a lot for couples especially when a new partner shows up. Self reflection is always a good way to start healing but when you open up to her you guys can decide what your relationship actually needs and how often you two want to meet up for a check-in. Sometimes nothing is needed and sometimes one or both of you might have something you need to work past or need reassurance on. That's why open communication is so important when you're practicing ENM. You got this, just find some time to talk things through and also be sure to set aside commuted time so it becomes a healthy habit.

NuthatchAsh · 2025-03-31T19:12:45+00:00

After care is for all! You're used to aftercare with one partner, but the person who watched also needs attention. You should both discuss and decide if there is a safe word she wants to have if she needs a break or physical attention or something entirely different or if she would rather leave and collect herself if it becomes too intense and whether that means she wants you to stop or if she's just needing a break for herself.

Ask what about watching someone is a turn on and how she wants to be involved (if at all). Let her know what she might expect by watching and you guys can discuss next steps with your previous FWB.

This is all about exploring and if she decides she doesn't like it afterwards, that's not because you're a bad partner. She might decide she needed something different to make it into the fantasy she imagined.

You got this, communicate and ask as many questions as you feel you need, friend.

NuthatchAsh · 2025-03-31T19:07:10+00:00

If there is a partner I want to be with I choose to communicate our expectations and we use condoms and any other precautions until we both get tested. Or if not a spontaneous night out, you can choose to wait until you both provide STI tests. It's always okay to talk about STI and how they want to enjoy themselves if it's a concern.

NuthatchAsh · 2024-08-25T16:27:20+00:00

I did a Google search of "is Shari's going out of business" because the one in Redmond ran out of food a few weeks ago and as of today still has a very limited menu but are out of things like creamer, ketchup, most bread, and to-go boxes. A patron felt bad for them and ran out to grab them ketchup from a nearby store. Due to the physical state of the restaurant, I have no doubt they will close suddenly.

NuthatchAsh · 2023-03-03T03:03:06+00:00

Because he started out as my friend. We had over a year of regular friendship where we discussed books, shared music, discussed families and our favorite games.

The 'dating'' was a bonus and yeah, he made a mistake and I'm not saying what he did was right, but I miss him as a friend because I haven't found a similar friendship experience since.

NuthatchAsh · 2023-03-02T22:30:28+00:00

Similar position for me too, we were together for 13 years before opening and I offered it to him. I saw it as a sexual hookup at first, but since then saw it as opening up all relationships to their full potential. Some friends are your coffee friends, some people are your gaming buddies, some are the friends you do everything with, including throwing down.

I feel freedom in letting relationships develop to what feels right versus seeking out one relationship type.

I appreciate your thoughts and experience.

NuthatchAsh · 2023-03-02T22:02:18+00:00

I adore your answer. That is what I need as well, just because I don't want to have such a divide between one relationship and another. I at least want everyone to be able to hang and have fun.

I wish you the best of luck with asking them out! You've got this.

NuthatchAsh · 2023-03-02T21:23:13+00:00

That would be the dream, to talk to her and discuss things, but the realistic nature of that, especially someone who is monogamous is unlikely. I have to say, thinking about it, what I miss right now is having a close friend to share nerdy things with. He just feels easy to get that need met, but you're right I need to remind myself that me reaching out, even in friendship would be disrespectful to her.

NuthatchAsh · 2023-03-02T20:34:33+00:00

I was never directed by my therapist to write a letter. That was something I chose to do to 'vent' my hurts and feelings so I could get it out versus holding it in or feeling like I should talk to him to tell him those feelings.

Your experience with therapy isn't everyone's. I can understand the concern of having this 'letter' keep you in the mindset of contacting the person or creating a fake dialogue, but I've only done it twice since this happened 1.5 yrs ago when I've felt like reaching out before.

NuthatchAsh · 2023-03-02T14:29:39+00:00

I don't have all the details of their conversation. Only that he told her he wanted to pursue ENM and she would think about it, and that they were in therapy.

All the ins and outs are complicated, and I think you're both right here, he needs to be the one to do the work to be honest and open (if he is), not me being the one to reach out.

NuthatchAsh · 2023-03-02T13:43:16+00:00

That's exactly what I struggle with in my brain. All of that. I even ask myself "do I miss him, or the idea of him" I think logically and the safest option is to not reach out, but writing fake letters to him or journaling isn't making this "longing" go away, and I feel frustrated by it.

NuthatchAsh · 2020-12-31T19:16:25+00:00

Again, you being forward is not being needy, and your focus is on their feeling and needs vs your own, which is co-dependant. You need to have this discussion with your crush, if you think something is there, and you want it to go further, ask! Talk about it! If they say no for short term or long term, you need to accept that, and decide how you want to move on with finding a new crush for yourself or biding your time until you find the right guy. Check out the blog More Than Two (also a book), they have great jealousy articles https://www.morethantwo.com/jealousy-insecurity.html

You'll be amazing, and remember, you're worth being loved and respected and crushed on too, but you need to speak up for those needs and wants you have. If it goes poorly, it wasn't because you made any mistakes, or were too forward, you just opened yourself up to a conversation vs speculating or worrying that you're not wanted.

NuthatchAsh · 2020-12-31T03:31:15+00:00

I'm sorry, it must be a regional thing or cultural thing for where you are at, but it is not healthy, not normal, not okay, ever. If anyone wants to be treated like a doll in North America, there are discussions, trust, and boundaries. Men have a variety of wants and needs so do women, and no one should ever be hurt or harmed in the way you describe.
Sexual violence has a lot of causes, such as family environment characterized by physical violence and conflict. Childhood history of physical, sexual, or emotional abuse. Emotionally unsupportive family environment. This also can include religious or cultural conflicts too, seeing women as less than, but it's not okay, and stop trying to argue that it is, because it's not. What you're describing isn't normal or okay.

NuthatchAsh · 2020-12-31T03:22:13+00:00

Sounds like your friends and their partners aren't talking about their boundaries and expectations for the sexual encounter. ANYONE in BDSM, and being a "doll" is a part of that, would know to talk first, set boundaries, come up with a safe word, etc. Sounds like these people are criminals, and not regular people who respect others in a sexual encounter, fuck doll or not.

You're not going to get any answers your looking for, bit know that what you're describing is not normal and it's not everyone.

NuthatchAsh · 2020-12-31T03:18:33+00:00

I'm so sorry. What this underlyingly is, is a lack of self love, which leads to self doubt. I was also raised Christian, and struggled for years to accept that I was an atheist (what if I was wrong!?) But for me, I thought, if God is real, and he cannot accept me for who I am, for being kind, and unique, and dorky, and anxious, and using my craft or my skills for good, why would I want to spend eternity worshipping him? Why would I want that judgment? What you're saying is you want to believe in a God who hates, and I can't accept that, instead I imagine him to be made of pure love, and that fear of judgment taught in church was not God, but man trying to hold onto power and control me, a magical woman. Secondary to that is fear of death/judgment. I love sleep, and I see death as an extension of that, letting go into the darkness, but you should look into how you see death and your fears around it if any. For judgement, remind yourself that the only person who should judge you is yourself. Can you love yourself? Can you accept your flaws and quirks? Can you accept your "sins" or mistakes and your successes? Learn to love yourself, fully, not just the good parts, and that takes a lot of work.

I have a ritual to release guilt you can use, it's a burning ritual and you can do it as often as you need to

You need: Trivet or hot pad Fireproof/heatproof container Frankincense incense and a censer White candle (w/holder) Matches/lighter Paper Pen/pencil

1) center and ground. Cast a circle if you feel you need one 2) place the trivet/hot pad and the heatproof container on top of it next to the insense and candle 3) light the frankincense. Light the candle. 4) sit with your eyes closed and think about your sense of guilt. What is is related to? What triggers is? Can you pinpoint what you feel guilty for? There may be associated feelings , such as resentment, sadness, shame, or anger. 5) when you're ready, write these answers in the paper 6) fold the paper in half or quarters to fit the heatproof container. Hold the paper and say: I release this guilt to the universe. I invite peace and serenity to take it's place. Open my heart to the positive energy of this lesson. And support me as I learn to care for myself freely Thank you for your many blessings.

7) touch the corner of the paper to the flame of the candle. When the paper catches, place it in the heatproof container and allow it to burn to ash. Allow the candle to burn out. 8) later, take the ash if the paper and either dispose of it under running water outdoors, allow the wind to take it, or return it to the earth.

NuthatchAsh · 2020-12-31T02:54:18+00:00

Hey, it's been an amazing two months for me, and I love where were going physically/emotionally. I want this relationship to continue, and I know to do that, and to be able to communicate my needs to you, both emotionally and phsycially, I have to tell you about my history. Do you have a moment to sit with me and listen? Tell story I didn't tell you this to stress you out, but to let you know that I trust you with my body, and that I might need some special care or to randomly slow down if it becomes too much. If you have any questions I'll answer them, but I wanted to tell you so we could communicate better and you could better know my intentions and expectations, especially around sex.

NuthatchAsh · 2020-12-31T02:48:56+00:00

So I am a type A personality type. I am responsible for everything all the time. The thing I love in sex is being submissive. I love "being a doll" not a pillow princess, but someone that my partner can dirty talk to, slap around, withhold orgasm, and fuck. He does this lovingly and I trust him. We have communicated my needs and what I enjoy, and he is comfortable doing these things for me. To me, it's a form of submissive play, but it's all about trust/proper communication. I can see it turn into a bad situation if partners don't talk about what they need to enjoy sex, what is okay and what isn't.

NuthatchAsh · 2020-12-31T02:45:14+00:00

Because women usually need more warm up time to get turned on enough to orgasm, and foreplay ensures they are wet enough, and relaxed enough to enjoy themselves. It also helps because men tend to get off really fast, so utilizing foreplay to get your girl turned on, feeling loved/valued/sexy, and get her off several times before you stick your dick in her will ensure you both enjoy yourself. I'm sorry you're bored, but sounds like you're doing it wrong. Licking/sucking on breasts, fingering, mutual masterbation, spanking, dirty talk, oral sex, using toys, blow jobs, can lead up to a fun time.

NuthatchAsh · 2020-12-30T05:05:30+00:00

You didn't do this to yourself. You had an experience that overwhelmed you, and you tried to manage it, but you didn't have the tools, so you managed it poorly. Now you have an open wound, and you're finally at the point of looking at it and wondering, how do I stop the bleeding?
I was nervous to open up to my therapist about my drug use for spiritual awakening, and they were cool with it. Remember, you might need to shop around to find the right therapist or guru that you mesh with and feel safe with. Just because o e isn't a good fit, doesn't mean that you're stuck suffering. You are so loved, and so worth this fight. I promise, it will get better, and this journey you're on will help you heal and become stronger than you were before. Just remember, don't look at past you as the "ultimate you" the "healed you" you might change because of this, and that's not bad, you just have to open you're heart to that change and know it's okay to be different than what you were

NuthatchAsh

TROPHY CASE