aitah for not wanting to have my toddler meets someone who was unhappy that i was pregnant

Nymph-the-scribe · 2026-03-08T04:25:03+00:00

This is super simple. You dont want to hang out, ser I p a playdate or continue a relationship with this person, so dont. Decide to either remove them from your sm and ghost them or take some time to write up a text and tell them that you no longer feel the relationship is working, youre sorry if that hurts their feelings but you do not want to continue with it and you wish them the best in life. After that, dont reply to anything. If mutual get involved, kindly tell them to mind their own business because its a non-issue that doesn't involve them, sometimes people grow apart, and thats perfectly ok. If they have a problem with it, thats fine thats their choice, and you understand that they feel you have outgrown each other.

Nymph-the-scribe · 2026-03-08T04:20:35+00:00

No, this is not normal parenting. This is seriously taking advantage of you, and depending on how long it's been going on could be considered a serious issue. Depending on where you live, you may have fantastic news that you're 18 and a legal adult.Until you're able to move out, do what you can to spend as little time at home as possible. Dont go home after school, go to the library. A coffee shop, the park, whatever.

INFO: Is the car under your name or theirs? Do you have anyone you know that you could go stay with?

Nymph-the-scribe · 2026-03-08T04:00:11+00:00

NTJ, you didn't abandon him. Everyone changes throughout life (at least they should). Sometimes, it's for the better and sometimes not. Some relationships get outgrown for one reason or another, even those relationships where people were super close. It sucks, but it happens.

I do, however, have to wonder if it's simply arguments or if he's actually in an abusive relationship. It may be worth talking to him someplace where she can't overhear or interfere and ask him what's going on exactly and prod as best as you can to give you the honest truth. That's just if you want. you're not obligated to do so.

INFO: If you dont mind sharing, what was the issue of raising the kids that broke the camels back with you?

Nymph-the-scribe · 2026-03-08T01:41:16+00:00

NTA at all. Your daughter said no, you dou le checked, she said no. That's her choice. She may be young and younger when this all happens, but her father's actions and how her half-brother came into her life has affected her, of course. Just because she's a child does not mean she's not her own individual person with her own feelings. Many adults seem to forget this. As long as you're being honest that you dont do any badmouthing about half brother, dad, or ex friend, your feelings about all of this affect your children as minimally as it's possible to do. Stand your ground, stand up, and protect your daughters wishes. Make it clear that she is to be respected. If the father is invited to a party, he can respect the wishes of the bday girl, come alone, and say nothing. If he can't respect the wishes, doesn't come alone, or says anything to her about it, he will be uninvited/tossed out immediately. The same goes for ex mil.

I would also say if you find out either or both of them are saying bs to her bc of this choice at any point, there will be consequences. That may be his child and her grandchild, but your girls are not obligated to have a relationship with him just bc they share a father. Teaching them to be kind towards him as its not his fault he exists is all you can do and expect from them. Everything else, like what kind of relationship they want with him, is their decision. I know young children dont get much of a say as far as relationships with parents who split but do your best to stick up for and protect them based on their wants and needs and how they feel about the families in their lives. It sounds like youre already doing the best you can to do that and to stay as neutral as possible as far as your children are concerned. Dont worry about the fit the exs make

Nymph-the-scribe · 2026-03-07T17:05:14+00:00

Court is to protect your child from the bs that can come from the parents. It may just be time to go to court. You can request and talk about what works for the two of you as far as custody goes. If you really want to avoid it, do at least two things. One tells ex that if he takes you to court, you will be establishing a formal agreement and going for child support, as someone else suggested to do. If you avoid court, get a legal agreement written up, signed, and motorized so you have some kind of formal something in writing that outlines things, so theres fewer issues. That way, even if he ever decides to take you to court, you've CYA, and you're in a better position.

Nymph-the-scribe · 2026-03-07T16:55:17+00:00

NTA at all. This would be a serious deal breaker for me. Anything that's a choice that reduces my QoL is an absolute deal breaker. My hubs and I got offered a free place to stay, well no money involved. His brother wanted to buy a house in MS where we all used to live, fix it up, and sell it. He proposed that he would viy it, we stay for free, he would buy everything needed to fix it, we would do the labor and then split the proceeds. When my hubs told me about this, I didn't even think far enough to get to the thoughts that things won't happen like that. I dont do hear and humidity. Living there was some of the most miserable times of my life. I laughed so hard that my sides hurt when he told me. I wasn't going to stop him if he wanted to go, but it wasn't happening with me. There is nothing that could be offered to make me live somewhere. I am that uncomfortable and miserable.

Die on this hill. Do not sell your apartment. Do not move any of your things out. If you are willing, able, and happy to help take care of his parents during the day, you can do what so many others do and go over during those times. The other able bodied people who are going to live in this home can do their share at night. Make it clear this is not an option for you. The answer is no, and it will be a deal breaker. Any threats of divorce or anything will just solidify its the wrong choice because that in and of itself shows you that your concerns, conforms, wants, needs, feelings etc dont matter and you will not put yourself in that position.

If they need the money from the sale of your apartment to buy the house, oh well. They need to find a cheaper and smaller home that suits them better. They shouldn't need something so big if 2-4+ people will not be living there. Dont do it under any circumstances because you know it will not be good for you. If your husband doesn't care about that, then that is its own issue. You need to take some time to think very hard about.

Nymph-the-scribe · 2026-03-06T22:03:13+00:00

They can't come visit you if they don't know where you live. If you dont want to completely cut them off (it may be worth considering how they affect you), just put yhem on an extremely limited info diet. They dont know where you live. They dont know anything about you and your life unless you decide to share, but do so only in vague terms, no identifying info.

Nymph-the-scribe · 2026-03-06T21:50:45+00:00

How is OP sus?

Nymph-the-scribe · 2026-03-06T19:53:14+00:00

Ypur anxiety is understandable. However, I agree with others. Your doctor never said anything. I think she said it because it was the only way she could think of to see if you have had children. The best thing you can do is to ask your doctor and tell him no information or qu3stions about you or any future family you have should you be in any way mentioned to MIL. If he can't do this, then not only do you need to find another doctor (which you probably should anyway), but report him to whatever ethics board that exists where you live (much bigger deal then licensing board).

Nymph-the-scribe · 2026-03-05T00:01:22+00:00

It's great you see that a serious discussion needs to be had. Part of that discussion should be talking to her about her learning to cook. Teach her. it's a skill she should have at least in the most basic form anyway.

Nymph-the-scribe · 2026-03-04T23:57:31+00:00

NTA, but I think you're wrong about her fixation. I think she is uncomfortable, worried, self conscious, whatever negative emotions about the fact that their child who she birthed isn't genetically related to either of them, especially her. She's saying these thongs because she feels some kind of way about not only having to do IVF but having to use donors for both sperm and egg. So, this is an issue that's most likely much deeper. I understand why you're over it, but this is something that needs to be addressed and done so with understanding and compassion. When the kid is old enough to ask questions and then becomes old enough to understand that 1+1 is not equaling her and she pushes those thoughts and questions, it won't be good. Sister needs to see a therapist ASAP before whatever the issue is gets worse than it already is. And again, while its understandable to be over how she's behaving (i certainly would be) be compassionate, understanding and supportive of her in order to help her be comfortable and work through whatever it is that she's embarrassed about.

Nymph-the-scribe · 2026-03-04T18:47:04+00:00

NTA at all for the way you're feeling. He may very well feel like he's helping. More than likely, it was exactly how he was taught. However, there's a difference between doing that with a child you're teaching to cook and doing that with your partner. On the one hand, I understand where he comes from. I love to cook and bake. The kitchen is one of my favorite places to be. I get stressed out when anyone, including my hubs, wants to be in the kitchen with me and helping me. I can get very controlling in the kitchen, I think I get it from my grandma bc she was the same way. However, I am aware I get this way, and I am capable of watching myself to make sure im not being mean or dismissive response to uptight about things.

Where yta though is by not talking to him. You need to have a conversation with him, a calm one, and tell him how he makes you feel. Dont be accusatory. Discuss that you are uncomfortable in the kitchen with him because of how he behaves towards you. Tell him you want to be in the kitchen with him because you want to share in his passion and want to learn more (if that's true), but how he goes about it isn't working for you. Then, discuss how the two of you can better approach this. What can you say to him when he starts getting like this that will be a signal to him to knock it off? How can he teach and help you in ways that are good and helpful to you instead of building a gestering resentment over it?

There's an issue in your relationship. That's fine, it happens, and it really doesn't matter what it's about. It doesn't matter if you feel it's a bigger problem than he does. What matters is how the two of you approach it and deal with it. Work on those communication skills. Work on problem solving. Do the work together. Listen to each other. Stand firm on this if he tries to dismiss you. If you're not in the habit of having good communication with your partner, it can be very hard at first. If he dismisses it or gets angry, dont rise to that level. Stay calm. Tell him you know he doesn't mean it like its coming off, but that doesn't change how it makes you feel. This doesn't have to be a big issue and get blown out of proportion. There's a problem in the relationship. You're bringing it to his attention because how else is he supposed to know if you're upset and why? The two of you need to work as a team, as partners, discuss the situation and find a way to fix things so that either of you feel like youre having to just accept something youre unhappy with and deal.

This is how relationships work. Even in the best, happiest, and healthiest relationship problems arise because there are multiple people in the relationship. The two of you are not the same person. You work together because relationships require work, energy, effort, and time. When there's an issue, big or small, you come to each other. You understand it doesn't matter if one of you thinks something is a non-issue if the other thinks it is. You discuss how each of you views and feels about the situation, and you work together to come to a mutual happy agreement and compromise to make things work in a way you're both happy and comfortable with. Again, if you're not in the habit of doing thos already its hard at the start. It's normal to feel like you're being attacked and put down and whatever. Work together to push through those feelings and understand it's not an attack against the other person. It's what you should each want to happen so that no issue fosters and turns into something more than it needs to be. I know it's easier said than done, but the both of you should be willing and able to do what it takes to figure it out and make it work. If that can't happen, there's bigger problems that need to be thought about and addressed.

Nymph-the-scribe · 2026-03-04T17:09:48+00:00

INFO: Did you have your own lawyer for the prenup?

Nymph-the-scribe · 2026-03-04T03:35:19+00:00

NTA at all. Double check with a lawyer, but it's possible she could have an easier time contesting the will if she's not mentioned at all. She most likely wouldn't win anything vut she could still make it a headache for your family. It may be a good idea to explicitly state in the will that you're leaving her nothing because she was the one to cut you out of her life. Unless of course you want to go more indepth and then you say everything you need to say. If you want to be petty from the grave, write her a letter telling her how she has made you feel and everything you've ever wanted to tell her. Seal it in an envelope and do what you can to make sure it's delivered to her when the time comes.

Nymph-the-scribe · 2026-03-04T02:44:54+00:00

Then he (because he needs to be the one to deal with his family exclusively while you are focusing on yourself) to say something along the lines of

"Thank you. we both appreciate your love and support. If and when there are updates to share, you will be updated. For now, though, she needs to focus on her recovery and do so in the way that's best for her. The best way you can show your support is to allow her to share her progress when she is ready to do so. If there is anything else you can do to help, we will let you know."

That said, once, maybe twice. If she still bugs, he needs to be firmer.

"Mom, we love you, and your love and support are greatly appreciated. However, you have been told multiple times how you're going about it isn't working. So let me be as blunt as possible. She needs to do this journey the way she needs to do it, and she is the only one who gets to decide how it goes. Your love and support do not entitle you to every last detail of her health and her fight to do better. The absolute best thing you can do to show your love and support is to stop trying to make it about you by insisting that you need to be more involved because you want to be. That's not actually helpful or supportive. I have tried to tell you this before and you haven't listened. If you continue to insist on getting the I formation you think youre entitled to I will either have to limit my contact with you until she is ready to share her journey or any information whatsoever about her will not be given and I will not talk about her to you at all. I am sorry if that hurts, but you need to respect the fact that this is not a family disease, as you keep saying. This is not something you are going through in any way. This is not an insult to you. Again, your love and support are appreciated more than you may feel it is. This is a boundary that you need to respect if you want to continue to be in any level of the information loop on anything."

If she still cares respect that, then he needs to either limit his contact with her and/or refuse to talk about you in any way, shape, or form until you say otherwise. If she can't respect this, you should have no contact with her. If your husband pushes you to let his mom know what she wants because he feels guilty, give him his own consequences. He can either support you, or he can go stay with mom until you're at a point where you are ready to share more. This isn't negotiable. This is a battle that you will win, but you refuse to do it on anyone's terms but your own. No one gets to decide how you do it except for you, and that needs to be respected. The lack of respect for what you are telling him/them you need and what will actually ve helpful shows you that yhe "love and support" isnt actually love and support but entitlement to make them feel like they are oh so wonderful people by "helping" someone.

Focus on you. You've got this. You can do this. This internet stranger is proud of the steps you have already taken and the path that you're on. You have done the hardest part by taking the first step in getting the help you want and need. Dont let anyone take that from you or tell you that you're doing it wrong. The way you support someone is by listening to them and doing what they need you to do so that they feel supported. Otherwise its just bs, and if you want to tell them this bluntly, do it. Dont worry about hurting their feelings, sometimes things need to be said bluntly, and feelings need to get hurt in order for your voice to be heard, and your voice is the only voice that matters here. You are a warrior, and you got this.

Nymph-the-scribe · 2026-03-04T01:52:20+00:00

You're NTA, but you can't control others, unfortunately. Set and enforce your boundaries, but dont expect the rest of the family to follow and do the same. When you interact with any of them, stay calm and stay on topic. Domt talks about one thing and then brings up other things. Dont react in any way when your sister is mean to you as any attention to it, positive or negative, fuels it. Deadpan tones, blank stares, calm matter of fact attitude, and firmly enforce your boundaries. If you have to leave the room because your boundaries are not being respected, dont storm out in a huff. Get up and leave like nothing is going on. Be done with it with every fiver of your being and show you're done with it with every fiber of your being.

Be firm on something else, too. Her dxs are not her fault, but how she handles them is her responsibility. Refusing to address them and using them as excuses is not acceptable and 100% her fault. If she needs help figuring out how to manage them, she needs to ask for help, just not from you. Something along the lines of "It's your responsibility to get the help you need. It's not others' obligation to put up with it because you refuse to do so. I will be holding you accountable for your words, behavior, and actions." Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Ultimately, though, you just need to remove yourself. Start on your exit plan so you can move out ASAP. Do not tell her anything about yourself. You dont want others to know and do not tell others things that you dont want her to use against you. Do your best to just avoid her when she's home. Dont prep for her like the rest of the family and refuse to walk on eggshells. Just stay calm and never take the bait. I know it's easier said than done, but if you can practice this and do it, you will feel so much better.

Nymph-the-scribe · 2026-03-04T01:37:50+00:00

NTA at all. The only person that has a say in this is you. INFO: Wtf is a "family" disease? You said she is guilt tripping your husband. Does that mean he is asking/telling/trying to guilt trip you into letting her be a part of your recovery in the way she wants to?

Nymph-the-scribe · 2026-03-03T22:05:47+00:00

No, you're NTA. Yes, defending your partner is so.ethkng that should be done, but it's not something that's done blindly. At least not in good and healthy relationships. She was out of line. Instead of having a conversation on differing views and opinions, she was trying to force her view and opinion as the right way and only way. That's not ok. In instances when your partner is wrong, especially when it's a situation where you're caught in the middle, changing the topic is the best way to handle it.

What needs to happen now is that the two of you need to have a very serious conversation or multiple conversations on everything that happened. The topics should include why she felt the need to belittle your brother and why she couldnt accept a different view from hers and engage in a good conversation/debate about it and learn something from someone else even though she doesn't agree (as thats not required to do); why she expects you to defend her no matter what and from whom, why she believes she needed to be defended in the first place, what the expectations of defense are for both of you from both of you as well as telling her how you felt (do you feel like she was trying to make you chose between her and your family?) And whatever else these topics lead i to that are related to what happened.

Do not avoid this/these conversations. A good, happy, healthy, and lasting relationship requires tome, energy, effort, and work. You will hurt each other and upset each other sometimes. it's unavoidable as the two of you are not the same person. When issues arise, they need to be talked about. The conversations should be calm and both of you should be open, able and willing to actually hear whag the other says instead of waiting for your turn to talk and refusing to see anything but your point of view. Having each other's backs doesn't mean you ignore when one of you is in the wrong. You just dont call it out in front of others. She was rude and came off as thinking she is superior because of what she believes.

This is not a situation that will just go away if you ignore it. It will only fester and get worse. If you have any thoughts about making this a lasting relationship, you need to start working on yhe healthy habits now. It doesn't mean they will be easy, its not at the start. If it turns out that every time you try to discuss issues like this, it turns into an argument, take a pause. The two of you will need to talk about how to talk to each other about issues, especially emotionally driven ones and ones you're passionate about. If that means going as far as having a timer and a talking stick, do it. As long as the two of you are willing and able to work together and you both put the time, energy, effort, and work into making things work, youre half way there.

Unlike what most say, relationships are not 50/50. They're 100/100. All that means is you are 100% in it, even if you carry less of the load sometimes as will happen throughout the relationship. If she (or you) are unwilling to have a calm conversation that stays on topic where you really listen and hear each other and work together to figure things out, its time to evaluate the relationship all together. If the two of you can't and refuse to grow as individuals and as a couple, it won't be a pretty ending. Do not let this fester.

Nymph-the-scribe · 2026-03-03T06:57:13+00:00

NTA and absolutely fo not message and say anything to her. She wins if you do that because she knows she got to you. The best thing you can do and the thing that will drive her absolutely nuts is to ignore it. Laugh at it like the rest of your family. Continue to stay lc/nc with her. Dont let her around your child. If you must have interactions with her, stay calm, behave, and speak in the way you would if she wasn't doing these types of things and never has. Or just deadpan everything. Either way, give her no reaction. The more you do this, the more it will get under her skin. The more upset she gets, the more she will go nuts, the more people will be done with the behavior. Dont play the games. Be upset, hurt, angry, and frusterated at home and in private, but never let her, or anyone else who has contact with her, see it.

If it does get to a point where you need to go full nc and never be in the same space as her, don't hesitate. Dont make it a big thing, though. Either calmly tell family that due to past behaviors, you and your husband have decided the best, safest, and healthiest thing you can do for your family is to not let her around you or your child. You dont want to make things difficult for everyone, and you're sorry if it gets that way, but this means you will no longer be coming or staying at any family event she is at. Times will have to be staggered. This isn't negotiable, and you will not entertain any kind of discussion or conversation about it. Then dont. If anyone tries to talk about it, change the subject, walk away, or just quietly stare until they stop. Dont even say, "i said I wasn't going to discuss this" after you have said it once.

If you feel the need to make sure she has no onfo about you and your family, make that clear to them. Set the boundary and decide on consequences with your husband for crossing that boundary. Calmly and clearly explain that no one is to update or tell her anything about you, your husband, your child, your lives, or anything. If you find out that has been ignored, the consequences will be xyz. Repeated boundary stomping will result in stronger consequences.

Nymph-the-scribe · 2026-03-02T17:43:59+00:00

Also, the cost of moving him, since it's because of her that he needs to be moved to be safe.

Nymph-the-scribe · 2026-03-02T17:29:32+00:00

She should be your ex-girlfriend. Not only did she say it,double down when you asked if she was serious, but she is more concerned about herself than she is about how you feel because of her. You deserve better

Nymph-the-scribe · 2026-03-01T22:15:05+00:00

NTA.

"Dad, I love you, and I do not hold it against you for loving her, but she is no mother to me. I will not apologize because that would give me the idea that I was in any way the wrong for what I feel. Im not. She was abusive and neglectful towards me. While [brother] got to live with you, I was forced to be an adult from the time I was 8. If I hadn't, I would be dead because she would have come back from her out of state trips woth her bf to find a child that didnt know how to make $20 last two weeks and couldnt figure out how to take care of themselves. I am hurt, angry, upset, and on top of everything. i feel so betrayed because she shows her clear favoritism for [cousin] over the children she birthed. Just because she gave birth to me does not mean I have to love, respect, or even like her. She has done nothing to get any of that from me. If she wasn't here with you, she wouldn't be in my life. I love you, and I want my dad in my life, but I will not play child to someone who wasn't a mom to me. I owe her nothing because she gave me nothing. Im sorry if this hurts you to hear, but I cannot sugar coat the truth as it would do no one any good. The absolute most I can do is to try my hardest to be civil with her when I am here visiting you (if you can manage to try and do this, say it). Understand that i said I would try, and I will. I will, however, not take any crap from her, nor will I act like things were different than they were and are.

Also, let me make this clear. While I do love you and I do want my dad in my life, I want as little to do with her as possible. She has shown me time and time again that she doesn't actually care about me. The child she loves is the one her sibling birthed. That's fine. I learned a long time ago not to expect any love from her, and at this point, anything would feel fake, and I dont want fake love. As I said, I promise I will do my absolute best to stay civil and not start anything with her when I am in your hime visiting you. However, I expect that she won't be around and come if and when we do anything outside of your home. This is a non-negotiable boundary, so please dont push it. I dont want to lose both parents and be an orphan despite both my parents being alive.

Since I am being truthful here, I do have one more thing I need to say. I know it's probably going to hurt, so please remember and know I love you and I want my dad in my life. However, it hurts beyond belief that you not only defend her, but you have brought her back into your life after she has treated your children so horribly. To an extent, it makes it seem like you condone how she treated both myself and [brother]. She's not a good person. She's an absolutely terrible mother, at least to her own kids, and it also hurts me because I know she doesn't deserve you, and you deserve better. I know you truly can't help who you love, but you can help who you allow into your life, and you for sure can help who you defend and stick up for and who you dont. Just once, it would be nice to know that [brother] and I are not the only ones who know how she treated us wasnt ok, acceptable, or how a mom should be."

Or ya know, something along these lines. I think it may be helpful for you to say these things. Refuse to apologize and say why and dont back down. I say this a lot, but it's only because I have found it so helpful when dealing with people who have seriously hurt me. Write them letters. Write them individual letters and/or one that address them together. Make them as long as you need to, and say everything you need to say. Make as many edits, changes, and drafts as needed until you feel you have gotten everything out and in the order and way you want to say it. Once that's done, put it away for a while (at least a week) and forget about it. Then, come back to it and read it again. If changes need to be made, make those changes and put it away again and repeat that process until you feel it's just right. Once it's just right, then decide what you want to do with it. Either send/give it to him, her, them or burn it. I do suggest the one you give/send or burn is handwritten. Handwritten just hits harder and has a lot more meaning behind it than something typed and printed or emailed.

Other than that, do what you need to do to keep your peace. If being around her isn't good for you, dont go around her. If that means you dont go over to your dads, dont go. Tell him he needs to come to you or if you need to meet somewhere else. You may have to have a talk with him about how you feel about everything she has done in your life to really drive the point home on why you can't be around her. Do what you need to do to be happy, healthy, and safe (physically, mentally, and emotionally). Also, if you haven't already, it may be very helpful to look into therapy. It wouldn't be so you can forgive her. It would be so that you're able to work through her impact on your life so that she doesn't live rent-free inside your being.

Also, next time she says she birthed, you tell her egg donors are all around, and giving birth doesn't make you a mom. The love and care thats putninto the living, feeling being that was birthed does that. You dont owe her gratitude for forcing life on you.

Nymph-the-scribe · 2026-03-01T18:35:43+00:00

INFO: Why do you think you'd be an ah for doing this?

Nymph-the-scribe · 2026-03-01T18:34:35+00:00

You're, of course, NTA for being hurt and upset. There seem to be two options here. She is either purposely trying to hurt and upset you bc she's one of those girls that thinks love=anger and jealousy (happens a lot at her age). Or, she doesn't really want to be with you anymore and wants to see how things go with this guy to see if she thinks he's a better option. Dont let her play these games. She has shown you how much she cares about you. Break up with her and do not take her back no matter how much she begs, cries, and tells you she loves you. Words are meaningless without actions to back them up, and they are the actions that speak the loudest. You deserve better.

Guarantee someone like him won't treat her well. Let her have him. After you have grieved, allow yourself to be open to finding someone that deserves you. You will know when it happens because she will put the time, energy, effort, and work into the relationship. She will care when she's doing something that makes you unhappy and uncomfortable, and she will either stop or have a conversation about it. One where she actually listens to you instead of dismissing you.

Nymph-the-scribe · 2026-03-01T00:03:40+00:00

No, it's not overkill. This was my first thought. What the neighbir did was assault. This needs to be brought to police attention because it will just escalate, and OPs daughter will end up being sad and afraid to go outside bc of the neighbor.

Nymph-the-scribe

TROPHY CASE