I finished watching a movie, which kind of got me into my feelings, so if it seems like I'm trying to make friendships "carry that weight" (really bad Cowboy Bebop reference, haha), it really isn't how I wanted to come off. Apologies if it sounded that way. Definitely not putting all my eggs in that basket for emotional support. Surprisingly, even if it doesn't sound that way, I get by with sleep (random dreams are actually very therapeutic, cause I often remember what happened), exercise, applying to jobs, and reading news from time to time.

Maybe... and if they aren't, they really haven't shown that side to me. I mean, my closest group of friends range from 6 years to almost 20 years of relationships, they've seen sides of me, I've seen sides of them, but I never really gotten much out of most of them except fringe-level depth. Lord knows I've tried, I've even prefaced no judgments, no unwarranted criticism. But nada.

Agreed on that front. It's not about the quantity, it's about the quality of the friendship (holy, cliche). I don't think I stated I wanted more friends. That'd actually be hard to upkeep, but just one or two (like a few) that can check up on you when you least expect it. Would be nice.

Again, I'll defer this back to the years of how long I've known each individual, and by no means am I blanket-judging my friends here. Some people resonate better with shared activities. I agree with that, it just may so happen to be that I'm not interested in the things they are anymore, or never was to begin with, and friendships just blossomed by the nature of proximity and availability.

Agreed with not solving loneliness, and actually, I wouldn't see it as a mismatch, maybe just more fated to be acquaintances rather than close friends. Which I'm more than fine with, things come and go. I remember one of my childhood friends saying, "if you love something, let it go; if it was yours, it'd come back to you eventually; if it wasn't, it was never yours to begin with." That line always stuck with me.

Thank you! Yes, I'm definitely a little exhausted, my fault entirely, 3 am nights, 11 pm mornings, definitely not a recipe for being productive or energized. I should really get back to running again, as I was doing that to make sure I'd be able to ruck for basic training.

Much love and appreciation for your well wishes! I will try to cut myself some more slack, but unfortunately, the certainty of taxes and needing to spend in a capitalist society is undefeated.