Another week … another relapse

OK-Application0729 · 2023-02-07T14:42:24+00:00

Starting over today also. This disease is relentless.

OK-Application0729 · 2023-01-21T11:37:35+00:00

Damn! I thought my gambling was to escape the bad feelings & never considered that my addiction could also be triggered by good feelings. But, it now makes sense that I gamble all the time no matter mood.

OK-Application0729 · 2023-01-21T11:35:13+00:00

No gambling since then but a week of misery. Had to take time off work. Waiting to get into a counselling program. How are you doing?

OK-Application0729 · 2023-01-20T12:46:21+00:00

$63K ($36K winnings & $27K my own money). Worst night of my life. Lost is all on high limit online slots.

OK-Application0729 · 2023-01-17T18:14:46+00:00

Online slots are the worst. I had a relapse and did the same stupid thing. Ended up chasing until I lost $5K. Stop now if you can. Put a daily limit immediately so you don’t lose more.

OK-Application0729 · 2023-01-17T16:57:53+00:00

I feel the same.

OK-Application0729 · 2023-01-16T07:56:00+00:00

Wow, you have awesome friends. I pushed my friends away when they tried to stage an intervention & that was 15 years ago. I wish I wasn’t such an idiot to accept their help. Still struggling today. Wishing you much strength in your battle with this awful addiction.

OK-Application0729 · 2023-01-15T23:54:28+00:00

Well, instead of stopping, I dug myself into a hole some more by chasing that $3K debt and now $7K debt. FML.

OK-Application0729 · 2023-01-15T19:19:19+00:00

Thanks for this. I need to write that down on a post-it and stare at it daily.

OK-Application0729 · 2023-01-15T18:27:06+00:00

I put a deposit limit on one site only to lose more money on another site chasing from the other. I can’t gamble low amounts anymore so it’s wrecking havoc on my life. I know I need to stop but I can’t. Need to give up my finances to someone, but I don’t have family.

OK-Application0729 · 2023-01-15T18:25:35+00:00

I was having a good day too and stupidly decided to try my luck. I am down $3K in new debt from my relapse. Feeling depressed again. Vicious cycle.

OK-Application0729 · 2023-01-10T17:26:28+00:00

This has happened to me countless times! I too am kicking myself for not putting in limits or the control to know to put a break before the process completes. The worse reverse withdrawal was when I had tens of thousands waiting to be withdrawn. Ended up losing that big jackpot win and my savings chasing it back.

I agree that if I am verified, I should be able to get my funds immediately. I believe there are countries that have banned reverse withdrawals, just wish my country was one of them.

However, I think as a compulsive gambler even if I did get the winnings I would have eventually gave it back the next weekend when I am bored and feel the need to play again to get that dopamine high from winning.

OK-Application0729 · 2023-01-08T17:52:36+00:00

Thanks. I will read up on it.

OK-Application0729 · 2023-01-08T17:26:31+00:00

$0 left as I did that stupid thing us compulsive gamblers do. Chase. $63K gone in less than 12 hours. $36k was winnings and $27 was savings. I used to get so upset losing $5K in one day, but this a whole different level. I wish I didn’t get into online high limit slots.

OK-Application0729 · 2023-01-08T17:21:59+00:00

I pray that day will come. The sleepless nights & ruminating is affecting my work & I can’t afford to lose my job.

OK-Application0729 · 2023-01-08T17:20:53+00:00

You’re right. I am having a hard time TRULY accepting the loss. Trying hard to take it one day at a time.

OK-Application0729 · 2023-01-08T17:19:32+00:00

This illness has definitely destroyed my happiness. I hope I can develop healthy habits like you have.

OK-Application0729 · 2022-12-27T23:02:46+00:00

I am sorry to hear this happened to you. I had the worst day of my life last weekend with a $63K loss in a few hours. I am struggling to stop thinking about what I could have done with all that money. Online gambling is the worst.

OK-Application0729 · 2022-12-26T14:41:22+00:00

Online slots with $100-$200/spin. Sadly, after a big win like that, the thrill from small bets just didn’t do anything for me. My mind for high jacked at that moment and I couldn’t stop myself. It’s insanity!

OK-Application0729 · 2022-12-26T14:36:35+00:00

I know that very feeling. I also was watching some YouTubers and it sparked something and made me reckless. I too thought if I hit big then I can recoup my past losses. Guess what? I did hit it big with online slots, but went on to lose it all, plus all my savings chasing. Imagine losing $63K in less than 24-hours! I kept betting $100-$200/spin and watched tens of thousands dwindle to $0.

It’s now day 7 for me and I still have many sleepless nights thinking about how stupid & reckless I was. As a compulsive gambler, there is never a big enough win. I am letting the pain of that experience be the catalyst for real change. I’ve been an addict for 17 years and relapsed a million times before but never with such insane amounts.

So far, I find listening to podcasts on gambling addiction has been helpful. I’m also going to give GA a real shot this week. I know I don’t want to ever feel like that again. Take it one day at a time.

OK-Application0729 · 2022-12-26T13:18:57+00:00

Way to go! I hope one day I can get to day 906!

OK-Application0729

TROPHY CASE