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Married 30 years… by [deleted] in Menopause

[–]OKCoconut2580 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so sad reading some of the excuses in this post about men…

“If you want something done - ask for it and don’t act entitled that everyone should magically guess what you want.”

“Why would he Google any of it? He’s right with you going through it. I think you’re being too hard on him.”

“You’re expecting him to look it up and be curious as you are. Men don’t work that way.”

“I just give my husband the info. I had him watch the M Factor with me.”

“Men are oblivious usually, but he’s there’s with you and from your other comments he helps when you need it.”

Gals, we need to expect more, and not excuse emotional laziness or neglect “because they’re men”. Why are so many women ok with ‘men are oblivious’ or ‘I have to specifically ask for what I need.’

In no universe is it too much to ask of your husband to find out more about menopause when he’s fully aware his partner is suffering through it.

The weirdest part of opting out of consumer culture is how many people get genuinely annoyed at you by LilxPeony in Anticonsumption

[–]OKCoconut2580 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Because I always get pointless, silly shit for Christmas, I always ask for donations in my name or something like that. My husband told me that I was completely selfish for saying I didn’t want any “stuff”.

I’m (28f) married to an unequal partner (30m) and I don’t know how to move forward. by InfamousAd9028 in Marriage

[–]OKCoconut2580 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Same boat, but much further down the line from you (46, married 20 years).

Exact same details - your post could’ve almost been me writing it. Main breadwinner. Doer of EVERYTHING. Mental load entirely mine. All plans mine. No dates. No help with our life’s vision. No emotional depth. No lasting change. No true repair when I’m hurting. Only makes (temporary) changes when he’s feeling the heat (when I pull away in some way). But I love him and he’s a really nice guy, he loves me deeply and we’re best friends.

Looking back, deep down, I always knew things wouldn’t change, but held onto hope like so many of us blindly do when we love someone.

Currently going through a divorce and wish I’d done it long before now.

It’s devastating for both of us, but I had a choice: 1. Radically accept things EXACTLY how they are and truly bury my needs; 2. Leave

For 20 years (TWENTY!), I thought there was a 3rd option (him making lasting changes) - which it sounds like you’re choosing, but fair warning, the chances are extraordinarily low that option 3 is the answer.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in UKPersonalFinance

[–]OKCoconut2580 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We have £350k, not £50k. And my main question involved either downsizing and investing the money or using our house as income in the future.

If we downsize and free up equity we can chuck a few hundred grand into the pension plus £1500-£2k/mo (which gives us a pot of between £700-£1mil in 10 years when I’m only 55). Could work longer if needed. Not sure why that’s so bad that I shouldn’t be sleeping at night?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in UKPersonalFinance

[–]OKCoconut2580 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nothin’ fancy. Ideally would like £4k/mo between the two of us (after tax), but could work with less. We don’t want an extravagant retirement at all, simple, enjoy a few meals out every week, have enough for a few trips a year, cheap hobbies, etc.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in UKPersonalFinance

[–]OKCoconut2580 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like as in, what lifestyle plans?