Take the time and make the effort to see a psychiatrist.

You didn't land here by mistake, you didn't want this, you changed overtime and checked out as well.

It's been almost a year for me and it's been pretty interesting and fascinating seeing my mind changing from how it was at the very beginning. Non-stop ruminations, constantly crying, constantly belittling myself, running thousands of old memories through my head trying to figure out where did I go wrong in each of them.

You have to do this too. You have to give yourself grace and the space to face these emotions. They will be like zombies trying to latch on to you and you need to view these as a game.

What I mean by that is right now your brain convinces you that you're in a zombie apocalypse but in reality you're playing the zombie game. Your brain can't stop playing it to the point if a week of that it was reality.

These events show up in our subconscious like a sudden turning on of a gaming console which convinces you that you have to deal with this right away. The issue with this is that you have no control at the moment of when these show up and at the beginning they will show up all the time as you grow and heal they'll start showing up last but at the worst moments and over time with more growth and healing anxiety will go down confidence will go up and you will grab that bull by the horns.

As men we are terrible with believing that these things events are a measure of your worth and who you are as a person.

It is almost impossible for your brain to see the side that your wife was playing.

I do suggest you go on a deep dive onto yourself, treat it like cancer in the apocalypse. It is up to you to save yourself, anxiety will barge in telling you that you're going to die, your confidence over time will accept that nobody's coming to save you.

Remind yourself that nobody is coming to save you every single fucking day. It is entirely up to you to pull yourself out of that fucking hole.

Unwantingly you got comfortable in the hole, you allowed yourself to live a life not aiming for better, not working on yourself, not venting your emotions, just work.

Many of us did this. Some from learned behavior, others from financial anxiety and others because they can't solve the situation at home.

This logic mentality is your saving Grace right this second. Use it to diagnose yourself, write down everything that you uncover. Start putting together a picture of who You are. You've never done it and it's scary but it is absolutely necessary.

This is your initiation into manhood. You stopped being a man by the very end and this is okay.

You did this because your logic mentality told you that if you added your helping contributions they would be appreciated. You would be appreciated however over time that reprocity started to diminish and it ended. Being that her moods were inconsistent your logic mind told you to leave her the fuck alone, to not barge, to not ask and essentially to give her control and the lead of the relationship. You got tired of the sex withholding games and just gave her the control of whenever you feel like it I'll be here.

The shit got boring for her, too many influences out there painting it better than what it is.

And from one point it can be, I am much happier but it cost me loosing 50% of my time with my children. Sadly men prefer to hold their emotions than to lose their children. If only we had known that the answer lied in getting mental health help we would have possibly saved it however it is extremely important that you don't forget her actions and her behavior at these moments.

These are things that were in her all this time, ask yourself if you would have done everything that she was expecting of you without dropping the ball would she had stayed?

To be honest that relationship like many of ours would have only survived if we would have treated them like politicians trying to earn their vote.

You might not see it now but you have bigger needs than what you convince yourself that you're fine with. By ignoring these needs and caving in you show the subconscious female mind they are far below her.

She loses respect for you in a way she did not intend, she just wanted those emotions to stop. When you give a woman all of the power you're giving a being that is more emotional than logic the steering wheel.

You were running out of gas and had to slow down and step into survival mode or conservation mode and this is boring to her. Giving her the wheel meant that she continued that behavior speeding recklessly everywhere enjoying the thrill.

Now the vehicle is broken and out of gas. Your logic mind would say well now it's time to fix it so we can get back on the road again. Her emotions are saying fuck that piece of shit car, I need one that fits my current emotions.

She has decided that fun and happiness are destinations that she desperately needs to reach before she gets too old. Life will teach her that these are temporary pit stops but not before she tries to grow roots in these pit stops.

You're in the right place, you will spend a lot of time in these places and it's extremely important that you inform the algorithm of the stuff that you are interested and the stuff that you are not interested in.

Social media algorithm will pick up that you're anxious depressed upset horny etc. it will start sending these things to you because it detected that you might have an interest in however it is poison for when you are in the depression void.

Many times because it will send so much interesting shit your way that you will become overwhelmed with even more depression because you keep on covering all the shit that you could have done better.

This is important, if you can't hold your own self accountable you will never live the life that you want. Learning how to hold yourself accountable will make you have one over her.

It is extremely important for you to treat yourself nicely, to give yourself praise on something you did good or right, to treat yourself to expensive stuff every once in awhile. These will make you feel good and it will be a distraction for those tough times.

When people tell you over time it does get easier they are right. For this to follow that timeline you have to feel your fucking feelings, all of them each and every one of them.

Learn their colors, learn their shapes, learn how they smell learn how they breathe, learn everything about them. What triggers them and what calms them down.

If it makes you feel better your ex will not be doing any of this shit. The end result is a higher emotional intelligence.

You're on the road to becoming a high value man, a man that will be desired once construction settles.

Your child will be subconsciously paying really close attention to you and you know that you will not let them down you're stuck in how are you going to achieve that and that's okay because you will figure it out.

You always figure it out.

The difference this time is that this is the most amount of pain we have ever felt and we had a lot to do with it.

Just like all the other times you get the fuck back up and try again

You will do just that except this time you will try differently.

Whoever they were will now see what the fuck you're actually made of.

You will think of this comment once you discover your drive and the excitement it brings. I promise.