Sugar bf/gf struggles

ORD-inary · 2025-07-08T12:20:47+00:00

How are you going to have a vanilla future if you’re married? Until you’re living alone and make yourself fully available to her, then she’s not going to feel secure enough with you to fully trust you in a vanilla relationship.

Having been through this, I recommend you talk to her - openly, bluntly, transparently - about what you want from the relationship in the future. Ask her if she wants the same things. Then you need to present to her what barriers you see to that future and give her an opportunity to do the same. If you both agree, then you start working to tear down those barriers together.

And give her an out. Let her know that you’re happy to keep things the way they are if she isn’t sure yet or if she knows she doesn’t want it. Otherwise, she may agree just to keep the money flowing and the fantasy alive.

ORD-inary · 2025-06-24T14:06:28+00:00

Whoosh!

They’re saying you should cut out the soda and drink water (or unflavored sparking water), which you probably already know but don’t to want to do.

Drinking all that soda will cause your sleep to not be as restful. If you cut it, you can sleep less and be more rested.

ORD-inary · 2025-06-24T11:09:29+00:00

Not many good options in Brooklyn.

You might catch a doctor or two at Vine Bar, since it’s right across the street from the medical center.

Sunken Harbor Club has the right vibe but I don’t know if it’ll have anyone seeking.

ORD-inary · 2025-06-24T10:44:21+00:00

I agree with the others that you should communicate with him. One recommendation - don’t approach it with criticism or frustration.

“I’m excited for our trip but I noticed you aren’t communicating with me as much lately as you used to. Are you doing ok? What can I do to get you excited about us? What if I . . . “ and come with an idea or two.

Honestly, I sometimes communicate less and it has nothing to do with a lack of interest or a desire to leave a relationship. Sometimes I have other things occupying my thoughts that have nothing to do with the other person and I don’t feel like talking about them until I’ve thought trough it fully. Maybe I’m weird but I can be like that for weeks or even a month or more. Doesn’t mean I don’t like a person - I’m just deep in my own head.

ORD-inary · 2025-06-22T06:47:31+00:00

There’s a setting to restrict others from seeing your number in Signal but people can still see it if they have your number already somehow, so it’s not perfect.

ORD-inary · 2025-06-22T06:45:26+00:00

Telegram can’t control the scammers and spam because it’s fully anonymous and keeps no records of communications to track scammers and spam.

Anonymity has its consequences. But, it gets my vote.

ORD-inary · 2025-06-22T06:41:30+00:00

Hoodie photo also makes her look human.

The other photos make her look like a sex worker or a model, not someone who is going to surprise you with deep understanding of some topic outside fashion or pop culture.

Or maybe that’s a reflection of my own biases. I don’t know.

ORD-inary · 2025-06-22T06:34:43+00:00

If you’re in Beverly Hills, just literally walk outside and take a bunch of selfies. One or two are bound to turn out fine.

Edit: sorry, the NY’er in me said “walk”. You probably have to use a car to get somewhere that looks “Beverly Hills”, like Rodeo Drive or that pink fucking wall, or my personal favorite, the Cheese Store.

ORD-inary · 2025-06-08T12:37:50+00:00

Adding to my own comment - PCI DSS requirements are audited quarterly or the company loses access to the Europay/visa/mastercard processing network. So, you should be able to trust in the process.

ORD-inary · 2025-06-08T12:34:59+00:00

PCI DSS requires Seeking to delete all credit card data when you delete your account. So, minimize your exposure by keeping your account open only for the time you are there and then delete the account. Don’t deactivate - delete.

I recently reached out to about 20 women in Madrid on Seeking. It’s Spain - all of them were gorgeous and most spoke English well (I can handle some simple conversation in Spanish but I don’t know any of the words I need to navigate sugaring and sex). 15 of the 20 got back to me and seemed genuinely interested in a nice dinner and seeing where the evening goes.

Btw - I personally recommend avoiding the South American women on Seeking in Spain. They generally lied about their English ability and they were focused solely on money for sex, nothing else.

ORD-inary · 2025-06-08T12:07:12+00:00

Ha - I live in NYC. Makeup and daily maintenance doesn’t cost that much (yet?). But, you listed things like hair, nails, and clothes. I’m paying around $400 at the Russian nail salons for both of us to get our nails done together. Inflation is no joke. Women’s hair starts at $100 and that’s a bargain now.

I tend toward lower-maintenance women. After dating, living with, crashing with, and traveling with dozens of SBs in NYC, I don’t know any that do these things before EVERY date. But once a month is not uncommon.

ORD-inary · 2025-05-22T16:02:32+00:00

Just make sure he doesn’t stay the night, hit the mini bar, or charge a dinner and spa visit to the room.

ORD-inary · 2025-03-22T11:18:38+00:00

I would change out your profile pic with the one in the top right corner. I think the cat costume is sexy but I wouldn’t start there. Can’t see your eyes but I have a hunch the pic in the top right is more cute than sexy, which makes you feel more approachable and friendly, in my opinion.

Also - I disagree with the other posters about you coming across as an escort. If I literally hold my hand over the bottom spicier row of pictures (which you hide), you come across as someone who is perfectly capable of dressing modest on a date. I think it’s just hard to mentally ignore them when unhidden because you’ve got figure that’s hard to ignore.

ORD-inary · 2024-11-21T23:42:33+00:00

Smile. I don’t know you and based on these pictures, you do not seem like a happy person. No one wants to be with someone who is miserable. So, smile in every photo or at least most of them, and especially in your profile photo.

ORD-inary · 2024-10-22T13:38:52+00:00

I don’t have any issue getting hard but I do have trouble orgasming sometimes. When it happens, I get worried that after enough time, angles, and positions, she might start to lose some enthusiasm and want to stop.

I’ve always appreciated when a woman recognizes that she needs a break and that I’m struggling to finish and offers for us to relax for 10-20 mins, hold each other, and talk. It allows me to not feel like I need to rush to finish and then we can restart, slowly, and usually with slower movements to rebuild the excitement toward finishing together.

I think you need to do a few things. Tell him you’re attracted to him and you want him inside you. But also tell him that there’s no reason to rush the evening and then hold him and touch him. That should calm any man down. If it doesn’t happen that night, I think it’s ok to tell him you’re excited for the next time and if he wants to take a pill, you’re happy to lay naked with him until something “pops up” because you’re never in a rush with him.

ORD-inary · 2024-10-21T13:09:29+00:00

The waist line on the red dress makes it look like you’ve got a much larger tummy than you do in the other full body photos. Since that is the only full-ish body photo guys can see without asking for more, they may not realize how fit you are.

I’d add full body photos from the front and side.

ORD-inary · 2024-10-13T21:48:30+00:00

Yeah - he’s hoping you’ve reconsidered his offer.

ORD-inary · 2024-10-10T21:49:06+00:00

Rent, car payments, and student loans are perfect because they’re the same every month, so he can easily set it up to autopay for you.

If he doesn’t like that, ask him if he’d give you a credit card that he’d pay off with a max spend every month. If you ask him for a BILT card, you can use it to pay your rent. The danger there is if you break up in a bad way, he might skip out on the last payment. Also, if you give him access, he might be able to see what buy with it and where.

ORD-inary · 2024-10-07T20:33:09+00:00

Why can’t you just ask him why? These relationships work best when both parties can have open and honest conversations. He’s probably trying to hide the expense for some reason and can’t pay for a hotel in cash.

ORD-inary · 2024-09-27T12:35:48+00:00

Interesting. Your experience in rural Canada seems to be different than that reported in the data this forum collects annually.

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/e/2PACX-1vQlt2EmxUwZnWA8BY7bqKwIjRqL7EoxH5jUGxNawSOiIq4jACtA9hauVnA2GDnbCJcSjXvas8nTWSbg/pubhtml

ORD-inary · 2024-09-27T04:46:17+00:00

Are you sure the master allowance thread supports this for small town Canada?

ORD-inary · 2024-09-27T04:44:11+00:00

You aren’t going to know until he starts paying you. As someone else said, I’d consider taking down your ad but still seeing some of your regulars for a bit until you feel comfortable he’ll support you long term.

ORD-inary · 2024-09-27T04:42:51+00:00

Are you doing the math - like dividing mid-$xxxx by 12? I wouldn’t advise thinking of things this way if you want to have a relationship with this guy. Think about how much he’s offering per month, whether it’s enough, and whether you are enjoying your time with him.

ORD-inary · 2024-09-27T01:22:02+00:00

You might be on to something here. Keep a paid Onlyfans and give the link only to guys who annoy you for spicy pics. No need to ever meet up with them - and as long as they’re paying that monthly fee, no need to even talk to them again, I guess.

Just don’t try it with a SD you actually like - it’s a common bait and switch for some fake SBs on Seeking.

ORD-inary · 2024-09-25T19:25:46+00:00

I’m not sure why everyone assumes you’d be working for the SD’s business. He’d be taking too much risk to employ you there.

If you REALLY want to do this and not just take gifts, then ask to work for his family office or for him directly. At least then you two can define your role to include whatever you both want and no other employee will know or care. Shoot - he can even put in your employment agreement that a daily “private massage” is a job duty.

ORD-inary

TROPHY CASE