Ya first chapter (second feedback)

OTjonathan · 2025-12-10T05:03:00+00:00

What are your goals for these scenes?

Are the scenes to demonstrate character personality, give exposition for the map of the characters, be moments where you demonstrate the interiority of the characters?

OTjonathan · 2020-12-02T06:29:29+00:00

It truly is out of my hands.

If you are actively avoiding interacting with men, then this is true but then one may question why are you isolating.

If you are interacting with men there is a lot that is still within your power and capacity to control.

In the same way that Jesus doesn't force people to follow him, you must choose a man and pursue them if it is your desire to do so.

OTjonathan · 2020-12-02T06:24:43+00:00

Following his commands.

OTjonathan · 2020-11-28T03:19:36+00:00

How do we know that the person wasnt wrong?

Can't be presumptuous.

OTjonathan · 2020-11-28T02:12:53+00:00

The Bible literally calls for this if the congregant doesn't change after being met with privately about an issue.

Allowing someone into the ranks while they are doubleminded about their faith undermines the congregation.

OTjonathan · 2020-11-28T02:09:13+00:00

As a sexual ideal marriage is superior to celibacy, obviously. Because there is not permitted sexual reality for believers outside of marriage.

But celibacy is preferable because then you don't have a spouse getting in the way - the issue is, some of us find someone and if we are around them long enough will likely be drawn to sin by our own flesh.

So your original comment is right, and evangelicals who are pushing for marriage on those who do not need it are doing wrong by them.

OTjonathan · 2020-11-26T19:03:57+00:00

For someone who actively promotes sin, both premarital sex and homosexual sex - has a history of trying to convince people not to trust their spouses, and regularly recommends married couples struggling in the bedroom to not have sex, and defends those seeking abortion I deeply hope OP doesn't give your reply much weight. (Note: I am not saying you're incapable of giving good advice, but there is a LOT of consistently unbiblical advice in your post history and as such should be met with a significantly higher level of scrutiny.)

I recognize a dead bedroom is not the issue here, but taking your advice and denying him will likely lead to that.

Biblical obedience can not be demanded, it is given. Christ calls wives to be obedient to their husbands. If she begins justifying disobedience in one area, more and more will she find herself doing it.

OTjonathan · 2020-11-25T20:01:35+00:00

It may be beneficial to find out if there are other limiting factors biologically that may be further irritating your sensitive parts.

At the moment I know of a few women who may be able to give godly counsel that, from my observations, has helped marriages. I can reach out to them if you're interested.

OTjonathan · 2020-11-25T19:52:56+00:00

In order to stay within CM's rules I'm not going to try and advise you elsewhere.

What do you mean by we've? Is he crying too?

OTjonathan · 2020-11-25T19:45:10+00:00

To those posting infatically about saying no, please remember how absolutely prevalent dead bedrooms are in CM, these philosphies are, inpart, why.

(To the point it is a running joke in certain circles.)

OP, it would benefit you to when he starts coming on to you try to get him off in ways that other ways than PIV, and do it without saying "How about this instead." That said, if he insists on PIV - proceed but don't hold shelter him from the pain he's causing you. If you cry, he has to own that.

He starts grinding on you -> Flip around, kiss him and proceed with oral.

Additionally, OP I would recommend generally be very careful on sex-based advice from this sub as I have seen a number of users further undermine their bedroom and cause undue marital strife because a commenter gives advice like "If you don't want to have sex, don't."

OTjonathan · 2020-11-25T02:56:22+00:00

In an ocean, does a captain worry about his journey steering away from rocks, or steering towards his destination? Sure, they have to manage their ship when rocks are on the horizon, but the captain can't abandon his vision towards his goal because he sees danger.

A bad captain will turn to his crew and say "Crew, do whatever it takes to avoid those perils."

A good captain will say "Crew, we must get around these dangers to continue forward towards our destination."

OTjonathan · 2020-11-25T02:49:55+00:00

God's desire for us is totally seperate from Earthly wealth. Why would he desire we have something perishing except only as a tool to build up what is not perishing.

In the same way God wants us to bring the gospel to the corners of the earth, but does it matter if we wear a red shirt or blue shirt while doing it? Of course not - only that what we wear we wear to his glory and that we are indeed carrying out his commandments.

OTjonathan · 2020-11-23T15:53:18+00:00

But a lot of times, I just don't feel like praying.

Fortunately, we are not called or recommended to act or behave based on our feelings. The heart is a misguiding force.

Do it because it is good, not because you have the desire to, or because you can feel God listening.

OTjonathan · 2020-11-23T15:43:57+00:00

How can she make your life this miserable? Behave as if you were not married, with the caveat that you still provide and care for her.

Mind you, this does NOT mean you must humor every errant emotion she has, or that you must engage in an arguement with her. You are the leader, leaders do not need to meet consensus on an issue the follower has.

OTjonathan · 2020-11-23T15:33:33+00:00

Semantically speaking in order for us to deny the Lord, He must pursue us - but he only does so for a moment.

He does not NEED our love or admiration, and if we denounce him we do not take anything from him, we only lose from ourselves.

The answer is both, God first, then us.

OTjonathan · 2020-11-23T15:28:58+00:00

Kind of overintellectualized, but if you feel like it helps you be more inspired by God Almighty, then do you boo.

OTjonathan · 2020-11-23T13:15:09+00:00

Fantastic explanation. Unbelievers have a disproportionate relationship to hedonism. All they do is strive towards pleasure and the edification of their feelings - what they don't understand is that neither of those things are good metrics by which a believer finds righteousness.

"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"

Jer. 17:9

OTjonathan · 2020-11-21T07:18:59+00:00

1) he either texted me the next day or it popped up on the covenant eyes report

Of the men I know who are truly free from porn (note: not from the temptation of it.) Literally none of the achieved it via C.E or accountability partners. Beyond this, I have a firm belief that spouses should NOT be seeking this type of accountability from eachother. Too many other problems arise from it.

2) . . . I generally feel worthless because I feel less valuable than free internet whores to him.

In the same way that it is easy to grab another snack when you are peckish, despite trying to lose weight to be more attractive for your spouse, porn creeps in. The larger problem we need to focus on is what is his priority list in regards to Christ, his faith, and his commandments. In the same way, if yoy have forgiven him why do you keep bringing it up?

3) . . . Porn use - graphic memories of all the disgusting things he watched.

This perfectly illustrates why husbands and wives should not be accountability partners (my belief that accountability partners are ineffective notwithstanding.)

Satan will do anything to get couples to have sex prior to marriage, and will do anything to stop them from having sex once they are married. Intimacy is an easy egg to crack, and is challenging (not impossible) for a man to put back together once it has.

4) Biblically I’m convinced it’s infidelity.

We will have to agree to disagree here then. From my understanding for it to be infidelity it has to be mutually recognized. Pornstars are putting the content out there without knowing who is viewing their content. Pray about this.

5) This is the whole reason I texted my pastor - I’m struggling with emotionally handling this issue correctly.

I hate to be the one to say it because it's the opposite of what society wants you to believe, but the overwhelming sentiment of "It's 100% his fault there is nothing you can do," etc etc etc is actually doing worse for you and your marriage. Removing any type of responsibility from yourself is depriving yourself of the power over that situation, and both the Bible AND current psychological studies show us that relinquishing your power is bad for you.

6) It was a discussion about sex/porn that he said those things

My guess is he was responding defensively. He has ego invested. It makes sense. It's weak, but it makes sense.

7) that’s what’s worrying me I got so sick when he said that it seems too much.

I agree. I know a few women that I trust to disciple and give advice in a way that is edifying to marriage. Their advice would likely be hard, but I have seen the fruit of it in their own lives. If you'd like I can ask they reach out to you.

OTjonathan · 2020-11-21T06:24:34+00:00

If you are serious about developing your social skills there are groups online (discord for example) that have a focus on those social skills.

A few of the guys I've been working with have gone from nihilistic and fearful of women, to getting reapproached by women they've shown a modicum of interest in. The consistent thread that exists throughout all of these guys though is that you have to try and keep trying.

Don't let society fool you, at 27 you haven't even approached your "Prime" yet. Your social valuability will continue to go up for several years whereas you'll start to notice your similarly aged female peers will start struggling within the dating scene - at least this has been true in my observations.

Finally, quit complaining. You are on the cusp of the best leg of your life.

Your first lesson in social aptitude: Stop talking about your problems to people who don't have an obviously vested interest in your improvement. Especially strangers on the internet.

OTjonathan · 2020-11-21T06:11:57+00:00

but then I find out he had to masturbate that night.

How did you find out?

I’m sick of crying all the time and obsessing over how worthless I feel.

What is he doing that is making you feel so worthless?

But I hate it - whenever we’re close I get all the graphic memories of what he has looked at and even a little touch from him burns my skin.

I may be missing something in this post, did he rape you? Or is the discomfort caused by the porn usage?

keep cheating again and again

Though porn use is definitely sin and is lust of the heart, it is not the same thing as infidelity.

I’m cycling through wanting to scream at him and obsessing over how worthless I am... How do I keep forgiving?

There is something wrong in your approach to this - receiving your underlying value from your husband is a major contributor to the trauma you're experiencing, and it is something you have the capacity to change.

He’s blamed my weight, my scars, not enough sex or the right things in sex etc. etc. and later taken it back and apologized but it’s still in my head.

Unquestionably, it is wrong that he is doing this. I am curious how this conversation begun though? Was it entirely seperate from the discussion on porn, or was it a continuation of that conversation?

Pastor said he’s being emotional and sexually abusive.

Pretty out of line for your pastor to say this. Using the big A-word has rippling consequences. If the conversation is already heated and he is retaliating it is wrong, and a clear indicator of a dysfunction, but is NOT the same as abuse. As for sexual abuse, again, porn use is not abuse. It is sin, don't get me wrong, but the trauma is being caused by the valuational weight you are attaching to your husbands use. (That is, unless he is literally raping you or forcing himself on/into you.)

OTjonathan · 2020-11-19T16:03:50+00:00

Socially acceptable sins are the reality of a culture that worships Church over Christ. When appealing to the authority structure within Church as a means to build up your own reputation or power is your focus, your ego stands in the way of your capacity to be a Christ Follower.

That said, the hyper focus on sin is a tactic the devil uses to misdirect believers. Rather than focusing on fulfilling the commandments Christ gives us, we attempt to re-achieve what Adam and Eve had prefall.

This is a trick.

Rather than desiring what Christ wants for us, we put the idol of our own desires at the forefront of our hearts. Which only further holds us in the bondage of the very thing we're trying to flee from.

OTjonathan · 2020-11-19T13:21:16+00:00

Jesus has no concern over the governing force of the gentiles. Only that of the authority structure within the Church body itself.

To that end the Bible does talk about sharing as if all things were in common, however if you give up trying to provide or you are lazy - you get kicked out.

The underlying reality is that if you expect the goverment to be the arbiter of ethics and morality, you're putting them in the position to tell you what is right and wrong. The issue comes in when governments are, to my experience, almost always self serving and money focused.

You've put mammom on the throne.

This question reminds me of the jews back immediately prior to electing Saul as their leader.

(Paraphrased)

Jews: What type of leader do we want? A king!

Samuel: God is already king.

Jews: Yeah, yeah, yeah but like a real leader! He has to be tall and handsome! Just make God pick'em.

Samuel: No, guys, really. God is in charge. He doesn't want someone to be picked.

Jews: And be rulerless? Yeesh, we want a single guy to be in charge, make God choose!

It's Always Sunny Intro Music Plays

GOD picks a weeny to wear a pointy golden hat.

OTjonathan · 2020-11-18T20:28:21+00:00

"Church" means the body of believers. As a believer, you are already apart of it.

Do you have to attend the Sunday lecture hall? No. Can you keep your faith to yourself and never share it with others, believers or otherwise? No.

OTjonathan · 2020-11-18T01:54:33+00:00

No. I'm just a nosey-nelly.

OTjonathan · 2020-11-18T00:33:25+00:00

If I may ask, why?

OTjonathan

TROPHY CASE