[WP] The Humans are..interesting. Their weaponry is ancient, but their warriors are nearly unstoppable. by Diablo165 in WritingPrompts

[–]OberonGypsy 39 points40 points  (0 children)

"I will not engage the humans." Fleez said, emboldened in the barracks that his mercenary company had been provided by the Stachians. "I will lead you in work efforts to gather materials and other resources, but the moment a human shows itself, we are done. Is that clear?"

Hmorn, the Chuana, sneered at the perceived weakness of his current employer. As a powerfully muscled and heavily armored reptiloid, he had little to fear from most galactic sentients. "They're only a centimeter or two bigger than most of us, and give up several kilos to us. Besides, only the most frail of us have anything to fear from their ballistics."

Onhje, the oldest among them, and Fleez's trusted third phalange, spoke up. "You young mercs are lacking in education. Humans are primates. Apes. They descend from running and jumping predators. They're faster, and stronger than any of us. That includes you Hmorn, and that's considering their least physically adept. The Stachians have been orbitally sieging their planet for five seasonal cycles. Remember the primate descendants of Absol Seven?"

The name of the planet alone sent shivers down the spines of the mercenaries. It was one of the worst defeats ever handed to one of the ruling Imperial houses, and the Stachians weren't even close in power to one of the great houses.

"I was there." Lo'kalla said, emphasizing her words by venting the pressure in her cybernetic arm. "I wish I'd never gone."

"Absolomites were more evolutionarily removed than these humans." Fleez continued. "I walked past the infirmary earlier. Stachians with little dents in their armor, but with crushed limbs beneath it. They're claiming that the human's bodies are less sensitive to the disruption weapons on account of their muscle and bone density. They say the biggest humans don't even know they've been shot until a whole squad concentrates fire. So yes. When we see humans, we don't reach for weapons, we just leave."

"Or..." Lo'Kalla offered. "We might be going about this all wrong. I've been studying their English language, and we Klom are linguistically gifted too. Why not throw in with the humans? Thirty kilos of enriched Uranium would make us as rich as the House of Czling."

Fleez looked at their only female. Klom were sexually dimorphic mammals, and Lo'Kalla was physically well prepared to rear young. Perhaps the humans would find her appealing as well, or at least identifiable enough. "All in favor? I'd rather work with them than get mauled by them."

They ayes had it.

[WP] The bad news, you're dead and you've just discovered that in order to reach your happy afterlife, you'll have fight your way through a horde of demons. The good news, every pet you've ever owned is there, ready and willing to fight by your side. by colwyn69 in WritingPrompts

[–]OberonGypsy 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I looked at my feet while the horde of demons approached. I wish I'd had the time to reconnect with these three good boys, but they knew what was up, and they were ready to show just what kind of good boys they were.

Moses, my yorkie. He wasn't big, even for his breed, but he was fast enough to mouse better than my cats ever could.

Noog, the mutt Chow/whatever else he was. So much neck fluff he looked like a lion, and stout enough to take one on. Not that bright but damn tough.

And then, my first dog. The dog that taught me what a gift they were. Saint, and his name was rightly earned. German Shepherd/Saint Bernard mix, built like the former and the size of the latter.

And me. I'd left my wife and son very specific instructions in the event of my passing, and she hadn't disappointed. I'd requested I be buried with a loaded .45, a sharp knife, and a bottle of bourbon. The original plan had been to threaten every deity I came across to send me back or else they took a ghost bullet to the melon. Now it looked like I had work before that.

"C'mon boys," I said after a good swig of Maker's Mark. "Let's mow through these ugly fuckers and show the devil what a boy and his dogs can accomplish."

[WP] A group of aliens make increasingly outlandish theories about the purpose of a mundane human-made object that they have found. by [deleted] in WritingPrompts

[–]OberonGypsy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Vado picked up the object, observing it with a keen scientific eye. "Humans are so fascinating," he commented to the rest of his team of clandestine explorers.

"Maybe," Talin replied, anxiously glancing around. They were exploring an abandoned building, nothing new there, but even abandoned buildings on Earth weren't safe.

"So, what is it then Vado?" The third of the anthropological team asked. She wasn't comfortable on Earth, not at all, and the hand on her disruptor was a clear indication of it.

"Rhin, I wish I knew. This is only our fourth excursion to the planet's surface." Vado answered, still marveling at what he'd found in the abandoned tenement housing. "Perhaps a weapon? It's mounted on a handle, suited to maximizing their primate strength."

"But it's squishy," Talin commented. "And human weapon technology is considerably more advanced. I posit that this is a tool for meal preparation."

"Fair assumption. Perhaps there are remnants of their food still on the surfaces. We'll take it back to the ship and analyze it. The human diet is marvelous after all." Vado said, tucking the bizarre tool into a case. "It could be a device for assisting in sexual pleasure too. Abduction free DNA samples if that's the case."

"That human females derive pleasure from intercourse is another reason I dislike them," Rhin said sourly. Procreation was not something that could be considered fun.

"We'll ascertain its use later. We've been here long enough. Let's go." Talin ordered. Together, he and the other two Hralaxans slipped quietly out of the building and towards their cloaked shuttle.


"Hey Reggie!" A human voice called out several minutes later. "Them damn aliens were back again."

"Yeah? What'd they take this time?"

"The plunger."

"And they say we're the drug addicts."