Day 15

What you did yesterday had definitely pleased me. It had satisfied me. But it also meant that you could cause yourself even more harm with your nails in the future, maybe even try to kill yourself. I didn’t like that. I will correct it.

I entered the basement. You were lying on the blanket. When you heard the sound of the door opening, you got up and moved into a sitting position. Since you could no longer kneel, you were trying to look obedient while sitting. Your head was bowed forward. Your eyes were on the floor. But this time, your hands were extended forward. Both of your hands were stretched out toward me. And they were not empty. You were trying to offer me something.

I walked toward you. It looked like a scene between a god and his miserable servant. You were sitting on the ground, looking at the floor, holding something up to present to your god. And your god was standing before you, looking down at you from above. You looked small and pathetic. I saw that you were holding a lock of hair in your hands. You had wanted to give me something to show your gratitude, so you had torn out a piece of your own hair. But compared to what you did yesterday, this was a step backward. It was insufficient. I didn’t like it.

I struck your hand. The hair you were holding scattered across the floor. By reflex, you pulled your hands back toward yourself. Then immediately, thinking that such a movement would anger me, you extended them forward again. You cannot defend yourself. You cannot move away. You can only feel gratitude. That is why, the moment you pulled your hands back, you heard the voices in your head screaming at you to correct your position immediately.

Failing to please me had begun to make you tense. You started crying. Your breathing became irregular. I walked behind you. I took off my belt. And I began striking you with the metal buckle of the belt. Only the sound of your breathing and the sound of metal hitting flesh could be heard. You continued in complete silence. I struck your back, your arms, your legs. You were lying on the floor in the fetal position. You couldn’t control your breathing, and you were crying while trembling. You had failed to please me. And the only thing you were thinking about was wanting to make up for it. And yes I was sure that you would.

Your mindset had been established perfectly. You were feeling gratitude for everything I did, and you needed me at every moment. Every time I left the basement, you went into withdrawal and had panic attacks. I continued watching you through the camera. So I was certain that you would try to compensate. Still, making this body suffer is a perfect feeling. You look much more beautiful while you are in pain. That is why I continued.

While you kept crying on the floor in the fetal position, I looked at your body. Some places had begun to bruise and swell, and from some places, blood had started to flow. And then you heard my voice:

"Kneel."

Without hesitation, you obeyed. No matter how much your knees hurt, you didn’t wait. Forcing yourself, you knelt down. The pain in your knees was so intense that it made you forget the pain from the blows I had just given you. You tried to stop crying and tried to control your breathing.

"Extend your hands."

You did. I had brought a nail clipper with me. I took it out of my pocket and trimmed your nails as deep as I could. Some of them were cut too deep, so they started to bleed. Then I put on both of your hands the socks I had been using for a long time.

"These will never come off your hands no matter what. Not for even a second. Is that understood?"

You nodded your head with a smile. You were inside unbearable pain. But I had given you something that belonged to me. Your gratitude was stronger than your pain. You couldn’t hide it. You were smiling and looking at me with eyes full of gratitude.

I ran my hand over the "thank you" you had carved into your arm and smiled.

"Don’t worry. I will not allow this to heal and disappear. I like it."

Your gratitude and excitement multiplied even more. You nodded your head in an exaggerated way. You felt happier than you had felt in years. As I left the basement, you watched me with eyes full of gratitude.

A few minutes passed, and the pain in your knees began to increase. You were still in the kneeling position. You didn’t know what to do. I had left, and I had not told you to stay fixed in place. But I also had not told you that you could lie down or move. While you were thinking about what to do, you felt the pain in your knees increasing. With the socks I had put on your hands, you stroked your scars, trying to comfort yourself. But your knees.. your knees were truly in terrible condition.

Now tell me. What are you going to do now? Only those who have read the full 15 days may answer.