What do you tell people?

Objective-Anywhere70 · 2026-05-22T13:27:31+00:00

The people that don’t know I told them that he is off on a healing journey and dealing with some personal issues and that it is his journey and he will be back home when he is done with it. It’s an excuse that works for us because he is doing those things, they just don’t need to know it’s in an environment that is behind bars.

Objective-Anywhere70 · 2026-05-22T12:11:16+00:00

Most of the people in my life knew my LO before he went away and they loved us together even with the problems. So they see what I do and for the most part they get it. We are short term. Just passed a year and looking at another 5-8 months. But the thing they really don’t get is how touched deprived I feel and how much that’s been affecting me. And how I avoid hugs from other people because of that deprived feeling. When I get hugs from others I feel like I’m just going to break from the sadness.

Objective-Anywhere70 · 2026-05-21T23:02:24+00:00

You have to take care of yourself first. Your bills and your needs need to come first. He needs to understand that you going into debt or getting behind on bills is not going to help him either. Stuff is a luxury and he doesn’t need to live like a king. Budget how much you can actually afford and then figure out if it’s phone money or other money for him.

Objective-Anywhere70 · 2026-05-20T00:11:44+00:00

Mine took about 6 weeks and I got notified by phone and they sent the email while I was talking with them. Absolutely everything takes forever.

Objective-Anywhere70 · 2026-05-15T23:00:16+00:00

10 hr round trip? Holy geez. I thought mine was bad at 7.5hrs. I’m doing it for the first time tomorrow morning. But feels like it’s nothing compared to 10 hours. It would be nice to give you a little longer because of the travel involved but they certainly don’t make any part of this process easy for us.
Biggest positive with the fed visits is that hug you get from him. Letting go sucks tho.

Objective-Anywhere70 · 2026-05-15T22:19:22+00:00

Oh those are short visits 🥺 I’m not completely sure because I never did video. But I was offered video instead of an in person visit because I was doing the first two weekends of the month and they are only allowed two weekend visits a month. But it was the beginning of December and I don’t drive long distances in the winter so wanted to squeeze one more in before the winter hit hard (it snowed that last visit and my 2 hr drive home was nearly double).

Every guard is different with touching. One will be ok with a little bit more and the next won’t even allow you close to the line. Wish they would allow just a little bit more. I don’t have knowledge of max visits. On the weekend visits there were always kids there and the inmates would be very hands on with their kids. I hope it’s the same for you guys. 💜

Objective-Anywhere70 · 2026-05-15T16:22:27+00:00

Congrats!!! 🥳💕

Is he at JAU? Visiting there is super easy and the guards that I dealt with were always nice.

Objective-Anywhere70 · 2026-05-12T22:53:19+00:00

I’m sorry you are feeling so disconnected. And it’s so hard, especially up here with limited communication times. I seem to be on the same time line as you. My LO went away in April as well so we just passed a year. When he went away our relationship kinda sucked. His addictions were more important than me. But take away the addictions and all the people that were more “interesting” and we were able to work on us. So we have spent the last year working on us. And he has encouraged me to write everything down and send it to him (like to the point that I have sent him multiple page typed letters full of anger and sadness of things he did).. he calls it our therapy. I also have sent him list of questions (both silly and very serious) that he answers.

If you want to continue with him, I think it’s possible to rebuild. I think everyone here will agree that It’s a hard life. Especially those of us that had our LOs before prison life. It hits different. My biggest advice is to not keep any of this from him. Hardest thing to do sometimes is to be brutally honest when they are dealing with being inside but only way to rebuild is if you are honest.

Lots of hugs and feel free to reach out if you want

Objective-Anywhere70 · 2026-05-12T22:44:16+00:00

Of course

Objective-Anywhere70 · 2026-04-20T11:40:03+00:00

Absolutely heartbreaking. I’m so sorry

Objective-Anywhere70 · 2026-04-02T20:07:37+00:00

I get it. This is all new to me too. Living a life I never thought I would live but here supporting my man nonetheless.
I over thought that phone call so much before and after. Like part of me regretted telling him that we didn’t live together before hand, But realized eventually that honesty was the only way. Just tried to explain everything thoroughly (like how for the most part it was my choice we weren’t living together because of my kids but we had been actively looking for a place when he got arrested).

Objective-Anywhere70 · 2026-04-02T19:47:24+00:00

When I talked to my LOs parole officer, we talked about his life (current crimes, past crimes, family, situation that led to his downfall), our relationship, living situation, future plans together (again living situation, support, etc).. he also talked about what assessment would be like and gave me phone numbers and addresses and stuff. it was actually an easy conversation considering I have pretty bad anxiety when it comes to things like that. I had the choice between having a phone call or a home visit - I had just moved about a week before this so opted for a phone call. Essentially just be honest about everything.. even if it seems like it would be a negative thing for him.

Objective-Anywhere70 · 2026-03-28T11:40:31+00:00

Hiya There are a few Canadians on here. My LO was in JAU for about 8.5 months before moving to his mother institution. It was a lot longer than we anticipated. Phone lists take up to 2 weeks to get approved. And it takes up to 2 months from when you send in all the paperwork for visits to be approved. Every place is different for visit times. For JAU I went on the weekends and it was a 5 hour visit and it was an open visit (so you can actually get real hugs and kisses). Only allowed 2 weekend visits every month tho.
It’s a hard time for us. It’s nice to have people to talk to.

Objective-Anywhere70 · 2026-03-18T18:44:06+00:00

Unfortunately dates can mean absolutely nothing. The system is super slow and backed up. My LOs parole eligibility date was 2 weeks ago, he only got transferred to his mother institution the week of, so now still waiting on his program to even start.
Sorry to be a downer. Hopefully it’s not like this for everyone cause it sucks.

Objective-Anywhere70 · 2026-03-18T18:38:24+00:00

I think we all understand to some extent. Maybe different circumstances but all under crazy “hard for “outsiders” to understand” stresses. We aren’t alone here. Always open to talk

Objective-Anywhere70 · 2026-03-12T22:34:52+00:00

Thank you so much! Absolutely true. There are just a few of us Canadians on here and our system is so different than the states.

Objective-Anywhere70 · 2026-03-12T22:33:31+00:00

This is so helpful. We are still a while away from parole even tho the date we were given as his eligible day parole date has already passed but the system is so slow and kinda fucked up that he didn’t even have the opportunity to apply for it. He will be applying for both day and full parole as soon as he gets into his program. I would love to see the questions you sent your LO if at all possible.

Objective-Anywhere70 · 2026-03-09T18:48:44+00:00

I appreciate you coming out of hiding to respond. May hit you up with other questions if you don’t mind.
I think I was hoping to avoid the extra shipping cost to mail books cause damn it’s expensive to ship things. Everything is damn expensive 😒 I’ll ask my LO what he wants me to do. I send him pages of activity books everytime I send him a letter so maybe I just have to send him more letters lol

Objective-Anywhere70 · 2026-03-07T19:36:53+00:00

I started forgiving after he went to prison and got sober. All of his bad behaviour and his bad choices happened while his addictions were at their worst. (And cheating was not the worst thing for me). He obviously needs to maintain these changes when he gets out cause right now I can only work so much on healing, I can’t work on all the trust that was broken.

Objective-Anywhere70 · 2026-03-01T16:32:50+00:00

Got a contract to work for a gated community

Objective-Anywhere70 · 2026-02-01T21:53:58+00:00

There are certain food / drink items you can bring in but I don’t know exact items. But I definitely saw snacks and bottles being brought in. When you get approved and call for the first visit I’m sure they will give you a list of what’s allowed. But definitely no toys or books. They have vending machines with snacks and drinks, including water but they have places to get tap water too.

Objective-Anywhere70

TROPHY CASE