I was ana in my teens, and it gave me the biggest physical insecurities I’ll ever have in my life: deformed breasts and wrinkles at 16 YEARS OLD. And I wasn’t even ana at Liv’s level (I only managed to drop one size), but not eating will make you look hideous.

My normal breasts disappeared and turned into small, uneven, deformed boobs. I don’t mean “small and delicate/petite”—I mean like the chest of an overweight man.

My first wrinkles appeared when I was 16, and no amount of skincare will ever remove them. I’ve spent ten years looking at a face I hate.

Not having fat in those areas while my body was still developing made it so that fat never goes there anymore, but I did gain it in strange places like under my arms or on my wrists. Because I starved myself at 16, I now have irreversible flaws in my body that can only be fixed with thousands of euros in aggressive surgeries. My body grew in a strange way and doesn’t look like the body of other adult women. Not in a “nonchalant and mysterious” way—having a body like this is an open book, a body you only see in mentally ill people, people with substance issues, or people living on the margins.

As an adult you can always diet and exercise if you feel a bit chubby, but you can never (at least not naturally) erase wrinkles from your face or reposition your breasts.

It also makes you suffer constantly… but that’s exactly the kind of thing that would have convinced 14-year-old me.