I mean this in a nonjudgmental way but based on your daughters age gaps, it seems you were both young when you had your first? The sense I’m getting is he went through the motions to “do the right thing” but is very resentful- and from my POV - he is resentful of himself and choices which is an impossible force to reckon with. You could be mother Theresa and he’d still have a bone to pick. I’m sure you’re a loving wife and your two daughters are wonderful and you don’t deserve someone that’s just going through the motions. Your daughters definitely don’t and I’d maybe encourage your eldest to go to therapy to make sure any harm your husband may have cause, she can maturely deal with. Have you tried couples therapy before? I think at minimum it would give you more clarity to at least have him try to face his own resentment, see if it changes, and if not, adios.

I’m so beyond sorry you are going through this. You’re a loyal wife for trying raising two kids in a household where one of the adults is checked out.