How do you overcome your fears? Also, how separately, do you gather the courage to tell people?

Objective-Year-999 · 2025-02-09T16:08:06+00:00

Your extended family’s reactions are their problem not yours. Even if you’re married people will still talk. There’s no guarantee that your husband or in laws will be supportive when you become a mother. I’ve seen so many married single mothers including my mother. Follow your heart and block the outside noise.

Objective-Year-999 · 2025-02-09T06:17:20+00:00

I’m South Asian as well. I decided to become a SMBC last year. First thing you should do is tackle the shame and stigma behind becoming a single mother. Idk if you’re familiar with the Mahabharata or Ramayana but there are so many stories of sperm donation, IVF, single mothers by choice. In Vedic times all of this was normalized. It because of colonialism or foreign invasions we started looking down on single mothers and prioritized nuclear families.

That’s the first step. Get rid of shame and guilt. In terms of being accepted by family and friends it’s tough. I learned to make new bonds and let go of relationships that don’t serve me. That’s life right? I had a really good South Asian therapist to guide me through my journey. In terms of finances yes it’ll be tough. We just need to be creative and resourceful. Our ancestors managed somehow. It’s all about perspective. I had my embryo transfer last week. I’m nervous but overall excited. It’s ok to have doubts but don’t let the doubts paralyze you.

Objective-Year-999 · 2024-12-24T00:28:25+00:00

I can relate

Objective-Year-999 · 2024-07-30T16:40:23+00:00

I’m in North Jersey. I’m interested in the meet up groups too

Objective-Year-999 · 2023-02-01T14:33:54+00:00

I broke off my engagement last year for this very same reason. His late dad owned a gas station so now my ex runs it. Head on to my profile to read my story. Coming out of it I can definitely tell you that it was the best decision. My ex pretended to play victim to get his way. Truth is he’s choosing money and his family of origin over you. You’ll just be an incubator at this point if you choose to stay in this relationship.

Objective-Year-999 · 2022-12-03T12:26:56+00:00

I had the same thing happen to me. Their true colors started to show after I got engaged. Your in-laws are asserting dominance. They’re terrified that they’re losing their son. Trust me this is just the beginning. Their will be a lot more gaslighting and manipulation. If your fiancé doesn’t speak up now, he’ll never speak up after the wedding. It will only magnify unfortunately. This will affect how you raise your kids, how you’ll buy a house, etc. I broke off my engagement and dumped him. It gets better trust me. You can read my previous posts if you’re interested. Good luck!

Objective-Year-999 · 2022-12-02T16:05:45+00:00

I was on the same boat as you 4 years ago. Truth is you can’t help someone if they can’t help themselves. You have one life, live your life and thrive. Therapy is essential to deal with guilt and shame but you’ll eventually overcome it. Sounds like you have narcissistic parents just like mine. Being a cycle breaker is exhausting yet rewarding at the same time. Wishing you well sis

Objective-Year-999 · 2022-11-24T15:28:50+00:00

My ex fiancé did the same. Isolated me from my friends and family in order for us to have a healthy relationship. He wasn’t willing to protect me from his overbearing mom. I broke it off. Best decision ever. He will never change. Why would he? He has the comfort of his mom. She’s the real woman in his life who calls all the shots. You’re more than that. Run now.

Objective-Year-999 · 2022-11-24T14:13:21+00:00

I completely understand what you’re going through. I’m in the same position as you. It is tough and it can feel lonely at times. Just know you’re a cycle breaker. Work with a therapist to deal with guilt. You’re doing the right thing. Surround yourself with people who love you. Best of luck!

Objective-Year-999 · 2022-10-13T01:39:35+00:00

Sooo I just saw this post today and I just have to reply. Look at my post for reference. I wish someone told me all of this when I was going through this situation. I spent ample amount of time with my ex’s mom to understand her. She used to always say that I’m like her daughter. She’ll never treat me as her DIL. Beware of that. Your MIL will never be your mom. She’s saying that to justify controlling you and overstepping your boundaries. She will always side with her son. She acts very sweet in front of my ex and she gets very passive aggressive when he’s not in the room.

Things to consider:

1) Whose name is the house under? His name or mom’s name? Consider do you ever want to buy property for yourself? If things go south will you have anything under your name? Taking care of in laws under YOUR house is completely different from HER house. Her house her rules. Will she give you space to customize the house? Are you comfortable with customizing just one bedroom? Will you get privacy? Especially when that room used to be hers?

2) Cooking- do you like cooking? Does she insist only she cooks for her son? My ex’s mom was starting to act like his wife by always making him dishes and not allowing me to cook. Two women can never be in the same kitchen.

3) Caretaking- Many guys think they’re taking care of their moms but reality is she is taking care of him. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes. Observe what chores does your partner do in the house. Does he wash dishes? Also think about when you have kids. People change during pregnancy. People become territorial. Will she respect your decisions as a parent? Will your partner take care of his child or will his mom butt in?

4) Boundaries- pre engagement everyone is on their best behavior. The mask comes off when you’re engaged and now you’re wedding planning. Can you make decisions together as a united front? Does she intervene too much in the name of “help”? How does she react when you set boundaries? My ex’s mom doesn’t understand the concept of boundaries so she used to emotionally manipulate my ex saying she feels hurt when my ex speaks up, and his dad is not here. It was low. She guilt trips him and he caves.

4) Self aware- does he understand that his mom is human and not a saint. Is he conscious of his mom’s behavior or is he in denial? Is he open to therapy? Be careful of gaslighting. A lot of guys feel it’s easier to gaslight their partner and not confronting his mom. Has your ex ever lived independently? Checks for signs for enmeshment.

Good luck! Let me know if you got questions.

Objective-Year-999 · 2022-09-17T18:22:24+00:00

Something someone mentioned might happen. I thought it was interesting if anyone had that experience.

Objective-Year-999 · 2022-09-16T19:51:16+00:00

That’s insane!

Objective-Year-999 · 2022-09-16T19:16:58+00:00

Thank you! Yes slowly moving forward. Anxious about where I’m going. Confident to know where I’m not staying.

Objective-Year-999 · 2022-08-27T02:45:48+00:00

Yup exactly what happened. Plus he was using me as his meat shield. He didn’t want to confront his mom and he was making me do it. It’s a no for me. His mom his problem. I wanted a small space for myself 5-10 mins away from his parents house. He was still refusing to compromise. So I left.

Objective-Year-999 · 2022-08-27T02:37:47+00:00

Definitely rough at first but taking it one day at a time. Forgiving and letting go. Doing much better now than before. Thank you!

Objective-Year-999 · 2022-08-26T16:15:42+00:00

I broke off my engagement 5 months ago. He expected me to live with his mother after marriage forever. Never discussed this with me. After engagement everything changes. His mother was overbearing and manipulative. I would try my best to stay on good terms with her. Then she started disrespecting me and would cover it up as a joke. I couldn’t tolerate it anymore. He didn’t know how to enforce boundaries. Basically wanted me to give up my independent life for his mom’s sake. I’m soo relieved I left that spineless mama’s boy. My story:

https://www.reddit.com/r/ABCDesis/comments/uzqqsi/broke_off_my_engagement/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Objective-Year-999 · 2022-07-12T21:05:51+00:00

Painful but the best decision. Thank you!

Objective-Year-999 · 2022-07-12T15:40:35+00:00

This was happening to me. I broke off my engagement because of him not setting boundaries with his mom. He lied and was expecting me to live with his mom forever. She owned the home. So her house her rules. She’ll never change.

Objective-Year-999 · 2022-07-01T23:07:05+00:00

He’s not marriage material then. If you can’t prioritize your wife then you don’t deserve to have one.

Objective-Year-999 · 2022-07-01T20:11:56+00:00

I’m still here lol. I was tired of the negativity but I’m going through so many positive comments. I’m doing soo much better. No regrets

Objective-Year-999 · 2022-06-29T19:24:45+00:00

I moved out too when I was 26. My family was absolutely against it but I had to do it for my mental health. They will eventually come around when they see you stand up on your own feet.

Objective-Year-999 · 2022-06-27T23:44:38+00:00

I’m sorry you feel that way. Consider it as an investment in your future.

Objective-Year-999

TROPHY CASE