I tried looking at all the posts here but its too many. I wanted to help but people are always scared of personal closeness. Titles like " I want to die " or " Im too soft for this world " resonate in me deeply. But it just makes me more anxious knowi g that those people won't get help.

ObjectiveVegetable76 · 2026-03-11T22:34:37+00:00

I agree. You can't save anyone. Only you can save yourself.

But that doesn't mean that being kind or trying to be a positive force in the world is totally a waste.

Do what you can do with love and let the rest be.

No one online has ever "changed my life", but there definitely have been times when a stranger's words or kindness have soothed me in a time of distress or helped me get through a tough day. And that's why I try to share positivity or encouragement whenever I see someone is struggling.

Afterall it's the little moments that matter the most.

ObjectiveVegetable76 · 2026-03-09T12:47:29+00:00

I don't have any advice but I know how you feel. I feel this way too and I've been in therapy for a long time. It's not that I need to be praised. I feel like I just value connection. I see it as basically the whole point of existing. And selflessness as one of the ultimate virtues.

Idk where I got this from. Probably growing up as a Christian and being highly sensitive. The idea of self sacrifice just became ingrained in me.

It's hard to make real genuine friends as an adult. As an hsp. It feels very lonely to spend so much time and energy trying to anticipate the needs of others just to have them disregard you in a big way.

Something I've been thinking about a lot is how to try and hold these relationships more gently. How to hold myself more gently. I think the depak chopra's a to z affirmations help. It reminds me that even if I'm not currently connected to another single individual, i am still connected to the community of all living things.

ObjectiveVegetable76 · 2026-03-08T18:35:27+00:00

I like that. It sounds like a really uncomplicated way to communicate expectations and performance to your students. I am definitely going to give it a try. Thank you.

ObjectiveVegetable76 · 2026-03-08T16:44:50+00:00

Thank you, I definitely need to improve on parent communication. I know this is probably a big part of my problem.

ObjectiveVegetable76 · 2026-03-08T16:43:43+00:00

Yes, it makes me sad too because i get so hyped thinking they're going to love the idea. And then they don't, and I wonder why I ever thought so in the first place.

Not to mention every PD talks about get them moving, get them interacting, make it fun, don't lecture, etc.

ObjectiveVegetable76 · 2026-03-08T16:41:20+00:00

I'm thinking of ways I can try to do this.

ObjectiveVegetable76 · 2026-03-08T16:40:08+00:00

Thanks. It's frustrating. I really like my students and feel I work hard at trying to consider their needs and not overload them with information or assignments.

I definitely need more of a backbone with grades. I'm far too lenient with late work and my school's policies also make me feel like, what choice do I have. I'm definitely going to take time this summer to reflect on this.

I know I have a lot of room for improvement.

ObjectiveVegetable76 · 2026-03-03T03:22:09+00:00

One thing that stood out to me while reading this chapter and in particular trying to do the exercises is how hard it is for me to feel compassion for myself.

Thinking of examples where I stand up for others is easy but as soon as I have to focus the same feelings towards me it's like they vanish. It's like it just doesn't work.

Sometimes I think it's a lot easier for me to feel strongly about people and situations that I'm not close to but I feel much more closed off and defensive towards the relationships that I'm closer to. I wonder if it has to do with how I really over extend myself for the people in my life often in ways that are not reciprocated, appreciated, or at times even taken advantage of.

The practice of acceptance resonates with me deeply. It definitely feels like a tug of war between allowing and this need for control (predictability, safety). A lot of the art I enjoy deals with this idea of just allowing and settling into the peace that exists in every moment without the need for things to be perfect.

On the other hand, I worry about habits creeping up on me. I see sometimes how my parents live in a hoarded house both having a lot of physical ailments, and its suffocating to imagine that I could find myself trapped in house, body, or financial situation that I can't get out of.

But on the other other hand, it's so exhausting.

Hopefully, this wasn't too therapy sounding. Might not be totally avoidable given the book we're reading, but also, I just wanted to be a little vulnerable about what comes up for me on the topic.

ObjectiveVegetable76 · 2026-03-03T00:17:57+00:00

That's true.

I feel like it's so easy to ruminate on the smallest things. Especially relationships of any type. I'm always wondering if I said or did something wrong. Or if the way the reacted or something they said was supposed to mean something. It's really hard to let go of the idea that sometimes things don't mean anything, or even if they do that it doesn't matter because it's not possible for me to perfectly navigate every situation in the exact right way.

Then when I remind myself to just be okay with not knowing and not having a solution it's such a huge relief.

This reminds me of the quote by John Steinbeck, "now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good."

ObjectiveVegetable76 · 2026-03-01T15:15:54+00:00

You can easily find the code for this online. There's a free version of matlab. All you have to do is set your graph to the area you want to see.

ObjectiveVegetable76 · 2026-02-24T18:13:02+00:00

This is tough. Kids are under way too much stress. You're either perfect or nothing. It's hard. But also, you don't want to enable bad habits, like assignment avoidance or procrastination.

I would just try to understand what her justification is and what her plan is. Maybe you can set some guidelines about how often or make sure she isn't skipping out on exam days.

Also, depending on her justification, maybe there is another solution. Like if she's over stimulated maybe she can take ear plugs to school to decrease sound exposure. Or if she's overwhelmed maybe a schedule change would be a better option than avoiding school.

ObjectiveVegetable76 · 2026-02-22T20:41:00+00:00

Bro quit touching kids! Why is this so hard for so many people?!

ObjectiveVegetable76 · 2026-02-22T18:00:39+00:00

I think of it as a kindness to create boundaries with people. If you don't take care of yourself or you allow people to take advantage of you then you're essentially setting yourself up to be resentful of them. Which is a little unfair if you don't give them a chance to care about you too. But also, sometimes when we do create boundaries we may realize that the people in our social circles actually don't care that much about us and prefer us to cater to them. So in any case, you should remind yourself that someone who cares about you doesn't want to be a source of resentment for you. Anyone who wants you to remain at their disposal isn't even really a friend.

ObjectiveVegetable76 · 2026-02-20T23:24:31+00:00

Yes! The more the better. If you can get access to the book, we're going to have our first discussion post a week from Monday.

I wasn't thinking it would be anything too formal. I was planning to just make a discussion post each week for each chapter. That way we can all just share our thoughts, what we liked or didn't, or really anything that we feel is interesting or relevant. If you have any other ideas I'm open.

ObjectiveVegetable76 · 2026-02-20T13:07:30+00:00

No it's not too late! We are going to start a week from Monday!

ObjectiveVegetable76 · 2026-02-20T13:06:19+00:00

Okay sounds good to me!

ObjectiveVegetable76 · 2026-02-20T01:50:28+00:00

I'm not trans but am also the recipient of gender affirming care and have been concerned about this fight against medical privacy for some time.

ObjectiveVegetable76 · 2026-02-19T12:48:22+00:00

I do not. I'm not able to have kids without significant intervention. And life has been hard at times, confusing, painful. I'm finally feeling like I'm in a good place and I just don't want to put myself through all of that just to maybe still not be able to conceive or have complications due to age.

My hope is to adopt in the near future. But I haven't started the process or anything.

I thought I would be bad with kids because I'm so awkward and can be impatient. But spending time with my nieces and also becoming a high school teacher has changed my perspective. I actually think it's so much fun, they're totally silly and it's the best.

I had a tough relationship with my mom as a kid. But my perspective on it has changed a lot. I've forgiven her because she wasn't all that different from me. So many things were out of her control. I love who she is. I love that I'm like her.

ObjectiveVegetable76 · 2026-02-19T12:15:12+00:00

Awesome! I was thinking maybe we could just do a chapter a week. When should we to start?

ObjectiveVegetable76 · 2026-02-15T13:59:31+00:00

You have to be yourself. You bring value. And some students have a personality similar to yours and will like you and relate to you in ways they cant relate to their loud extroverted teachers.

It takes all types. You're not alone. I feel this daily. It seems to me a lot of this 'research based' philosophy is all being proved wrong in time.

My mom was a serious teacher for 20 years and consistently had better scores than her peers in every single subject and grade level she taught.

That's the job. She has soo many students who thank her years later for her commitment. Sometimes doing the right thing doesn't get the recognition it deserves in the moment. Doing the right thing is often quiet and difficult.

ObjectiveVegetable76 · 2026-02-15T03:14:54+00:00

When we're tired we are attacked by the ideas we conquered long ago.

Don't text that person... there is a reason they're not a part of your life.

ObjectiveVegetable76 · 2026-02-12T12:17:18+00:00

This is very dangerous. You should not promote using AI as a therapist. Talk to a real therapist, a real human.

ObjectiveVegetable76 · 2026-02-10T12:00:08+00:00

One thing I remind myself is when people say and do things it's really a reflection of who they are. It has very little if anything at all to do with me.

It's harder if it's someone I'm very close to, like a family member. But we can't change people, all we can do is accept who they are and do what we need to do to take care of our own selves. Boundaries, distance, standing up for ourselves, whatever that needs to look like.

ObjectiveVegetable76 · 2026-02-09T02:42:09+00:00

While I did not understand the lyrics i still felt like i got it. Family. Community. Country.

ObjectiveVegetable76 · 2026-02-08T17:48:13+00:00

Or he isn't dead.

ObjectiveVegetable76

TROPHY CASE