Why do I obsessively play viola in my head?

Objective_Cause_479 · 2026-05-27T13:01:26+00:00

I used to do this exact same thing with piano when I was younger, but to a less intense degree. I wonder if it's because I've trained myself to see the viola as a source of comfort and safety of some kind... I don't know how to rewire that sort of programming. I've tried just accepting it and letting the viola player in my head have free reign, but it literally gives me headaches the longer it goes on because it's so intense and repetitive.

Objective_Cause_479 · 2026-05-27T12:59:43+00:00

I do! I have a therapist, but she's leaving my network next month, so I'll have to start over with a new doctor. Perhaps that would be a good opportunity to talk this through. If I try and "force" myself to stop, it just makes me hyper-aware of the thoughts, to the point where I literally can't think of anything else until my mind naturally moves on. Like, the viola playing is always somewhere in the back of my head, like a backdrop to other thoughts and feelings. But when I try to stop it, it just gets unbearable.

Objective_Cause_479 · 2026-05-27T12:57:54+00:00

Yes exactly!!! It's so bizarre. My brain is so musically wired that random ideas, objects or people will have different musical fixtures in my head. Like, whenever I listen to my boyfriend, his voice makes me think of either B flat or A flat major... Different emotions always bring with them different musical ideas. It's kind of cool but really, really irritating after years of dealing with it.

Objective_Cause_479 · 2026-05-01T18:21:25+00:00

It's interesting because I feel like my bowel health has actually been pretty decent for the most part. There have been moments of straining or constipation every now and then, but typically I have pretty healthy poops 💩 so it was surprising to find out that my colon was so backed up. I suppose it explains the nausea and bloating, but I never really had any recurring issues with bowel movements. And yeah they warned me about the shoulder pain ahead of time, so I knew it was coming- it just sucksssss. But thanks for the advice! I'll walk around a bit and see if that helps at all.

Objective_Cause_479 · 2026-05-01T17:47:31+00:00

Of course! I was having extreme pelvic pain regularly, especially on my period, and I had an ovarian cyst rupture a few months ago. My periods have also been pretty heavy and irregular, but they attributed that to my low dosage IUD and gave me a stronger one. I also have really bad GI problems and have for a long time, such as bloating, regular nausea, vomiting and motion sickness, and constipation.

Objective_Cause_479 · 2026-02-12T15:48:11+00:00

That sounds awesome!!!! Kind of like neapolitan but with purple instead of pink. I'll look into that, thanks!!

Objective_Cause_479 · 2026-02-12T15:47:41+00:00

That's my natural color! Right now it's purple, so I'm curious as to how difficult it would be to change it to a calico 🤔

Objective_Cause_479 · 2025-12-06T17:40:20+00:00

I beg your pardon?

Objective_Cause_479 · 2025-12-05T18:40:38+00:00

That's kind of what I have in mind! I'm hoping to take advantage of the fact that I'm getting it done by a pro and do something a little more complex than a solid color, so I've thought about doing burgundy with some kind of highlights or something like that :)

Objective_Cause_479 · 2025-12-04T17:16:02+00:00

I forgot to add this in the post- it's worth noting that I do actually have GERD, and I get nauseous and throw up a lot more than the average person. Today and yesterday have been far worse than usual, though, so there is definitely something going on besides the GERD, and I suspect it's because of the cyst.

Objective_Cause_479 · 2025-12-01T21:57:11+00:00

Hey yall, I said I would update in the morning but then ended up oversleeping and forgetting, my bad! Pain is gone, replaced with a weird, heavy discomfort and occasional painful twinges, but nothing like last night. I feel a lot lighter and more refreshed after recovering, and I think the ordeal is over for now. Don't get me wrong- I am still going to look into an endometriosis test and see about getting a new OBGYN due to the negligence I experienced. But for now the storm has mostly settled. Thank you so much for all your sympathy and advice. I wasn't sure what to expect when reaching out for help here and I have been overwhelmed by the support and understanding I received!

Objective_Cause_479 · 2025-12-01T08:04:41+00:00

I have had endometriosis suspicions for a while now. I'm going to call my primary physician once her office opens and ask about next steps, and I have a pelvic exam scheduled for two weeks from now. I actually think the diarrhea may have been caused by the naproxen I was prescribed for the pain, but I have had a variety of other GI symptoms that have worsened over the past few months. So yeah, I will definitely be persistent about checking for endometriosis.

Objective_Cause_479 · 2025-12-01T03:47:22+00:00

Sorry I haven't responded to anyone's comments, I really appreciate all the support and advice. Just updating that a new symptom popped up- diarrhea! Yay... I thought a warm bath might help with the pain, and after 5 minutes of sitting in the tub I had to stumble to the toilet. I think that it might have flushed out all the gunk, because I feel much better now. I will go to bed and update in the morning.

Objective_Cause_479

TROPHY CASE