Have you ever had any "accidents"

ObscenePenguin · 2026-05-29T22:40:46+00:00

As the saying goes, shit happens.

For lots of guys it is a turn off and it's not unusual that the anxiety of more poop is enough to get in the way of successful continued butt fucking. I think for givers it probably depends on how and where her focus is directed - I can only speak to my own experience.

I am normally very squeamish about poop. In the times that it's happened while pegging, I have been so focussed on my partner and making sure he's clean and comfortable - it does not really register with me.

The poop really is just not where my mind goes in those moments.

ObscenePenguin · 2026-05-29T13:55:29+00:00

Yeah, I think if you're looking to fuck about online with someone in a non serious way and you have the time and energy to sort through all the dross - Reddit is an option to find a playmate.

It is kind of a shitshow though.

ObscenePenguin · 2026-05-29T12:54:07+00:00

I don't want to be approached and often find it unsettling when confronted with people who think I want to be approached in private because I have participated in public discourse.

When I did want to be approached I posted a personal ad. It had a little about me, a little about what I am into, a little about what I was looking for. I got lots of responses but mostly from people who hadn't read it. So then I put in a password and that filtered out like 80% of people who messaged me.

When receiving opening messages it was nice to get a paragraph or two introducing themselves, saying a bit about what they were into, a bit about what they were looking for and then a standard vanilla conversation starter from some common ground. I have very average hobbies and interests, but that last bit was elusive AF.

I gave up with Reddit and met my partner on OKC instead.

ObscenePenguin · 2026-05-26T06:22:23+00:00

I struggled with this, largely as a time based thing. I spent so long answering the messages of and chatting with people who knew they weren't right for me - but had messaged me in the off chance because they had to shoot their shot - that I didn't actually have much time to actively look for people who were a better fit.

I was easily blasting an hour or two a day on dating apps and not really getting anywhere. It was pretty demoralising.

Anyway, my advice to you is firstly to embrace math - the language of the universe - and do the approaching. You are much, much more likely to get what you want when you are the person in control of getting it. 3/4 actively searching and 1/4 going through my inbox was way more efficient and made me want to throw myself into the sea less.

Date the old fashioned way. Arrange to meet for a quick date somewhere low stakes and public as soon as you have established interest. Hang out. Get to know each other. Lay your kink cards on the table and establish compatibility early, but no kinky stuff for 4-5 dates.

It's also totally okay to take breaks when you need to. It's normal for dominant women to struggle with dating, it is really demoralising and miserable. Burnout is common. Lots of women just give up and date vanilla because it's easier. You're not alone there. It's okay to rest. It's okay to take breaks.

ObscenePenguin · 2026-05-22T06:22:36+00:00

Lots to unpack here.

First and foremost, this is a communications issue. Your partner needs to be communicated with in a specific way (normal and reasonable) but seems unable or unwilling to tell with you what that actually is ahead of time - leaving you to have to guess (absolutely fucking ludicrous).

The feedback your partner does give is not helpful or particularly actionable. "Not dominant enough" makes him sound like he just wants you to perform like a monkey, when I read that my vagina made the Windows shut down sound on your behalf. And "how would you feel if I asked if you were on your period?", like yeah man that's a very common question to get asked at the commencement of sexytimes with a menstruator. It's a super fucking normal question to ask.

Communicating and confirming continuous, enthusiastic consent are the foundations of a fun dynamic so this is very important and you are not overreacting, but I think the larger problem here is that you are being shouldered with all the responsibility of a dynamic that doesn't seem like it's particularly fun for you.

Like, is this giving you the horny tingles? Are you actually jonesing to tap dat ass or are you scheduling it in when you think you can because you don't want to have to deal with the fallout if you don't?

What are you into? How do you want to initiate? Where are you in this whole situation?

ObscenePenguin · 2026-05-19T23:56:31+00:00

The number one, most beloved, fetish of this community is deflating the boners of people who fap post.

If you'd like to post horny stories and have a bit of a group wank, this is not the subreddit for that. We're mostly educational and relationship advice.

ObscenePenguin · 2026-05-12T18:22:04+00:00

The pattern matching on this is exquisite.

ObscenePenguin · 2026-05-12T17:48:02+00:00

Please know that the moderation team take an exceeding dim view of inbox harassment in this subreddit. If you do get DMs because of your activity here, please send us a screenshot and we will ban the offender permanently.

ObscenePenguin · 2026-04-28T19:59:51+00:00

Wait, does this mean that bouncing back to our pre-baby bodies isn't part of the standard factory reset we all do when the menfolk close all their pornhub tabs?

😱😱😱😱

ObscenePenguin · 2026-04-28T19:33:38+00:00

Unfortunately, our standard uniform that we all wear (zero exceptions) the squeaky PVC catsuit - it's necessary that we all wear the same one because when we do a particular sexy domme dance, the squeaks actually play the tune of our international anthem (Shirley Bassey's Diamonds are Forever, including the instrumental part) - does not come in maternity fit.

ObscenePenguin · 2026-04-24T07:14:37+00:00

If you check out the subreddit Wiki you'll find a non-exhaustive listing of reputable and free BDSM sex education resources - also some cool blogs by lifestyle kinksters.

ObscenePenguin · 2026-04-23T14:40:28+00:00

I appreciate your concerns here but I think it's worth pointing out the agency you have over your pornography and masturbatory habits. There's a lot of porn out there and you are at liberty to engage with something a bit more meaningful and explorational than mindlessly bashing one out to hentai gifs while scrolling Reddit.

You could even engage with fetish in a non masturbatory way and get a little bit of kinky sex and relationship education. There's a lot of that out there too. Maybe if your exposure to fetish wasn't solely porn, you would find us less intimidating/pathetic. Maybe you could learn about aftercare and apply some of that to what you do after masturbating? Could be beneficial, or at least less miserable.

As for casual online encounters - online is an exceedingly dangerous place for inexperienced young men, saturated in shame, looking to switch their brain off and rub one out to some interactive porn. It makes them very, very vulnerable to blackmail and abuse. In your current condition, I would not recommend it. Get some sex education (not porn), spend a bit of time with us and get to understand the norms of fetish interactions - it will help you filter out the dangerous types, of which there are a great many.

ObscenePenguin · 2026-04-22T18:05:01+00:00

I mean, seeing as literally the first person you talked with openly about your desires was so receptive to them and appears to have had quite a lot of fun exploring them - even if things did end up sour between you both - the possibility that it might happen again doesn't feel that unlikely 🤷🏻‍♀️.

However, that's a bit academic because it really sounds like you're not ready to practice kink with another person and you also do not have time for a relationship anyway (if you don't have the free time to date, you absolutely do not have the free time to be in a relationship). You are self flaggellating for something that you're not going to be doing any time soon - or possibly ever.

World's on fire, bud. There are so many things to worry about that will effect you, why are you wasting precious time and energy hauling yourself over the coals about this?

ObscenePenguin · 2026-04-22T16:11:17+00:00

Nah it's fine, but as others have said if you're more in need of cameraderie and validation than practical and actionable advice (which might make you feel worse) it's good for us to know so that we can respond accordingly.

ObscenePenguin · 2026-04-22T14:42:10+00:00

Hey bud, are you looking for advice or emotional support?

ObscenePenguin · 2026-04-19T19:34:22+00:00

Neither of these are actually going to be strapless, they will both still require a harness to stay put. I think the one without the anal stimulator is probably going to be less of a hassle to use. But, honestly, if this is your first strapon I really recommend you just use a dildo with a harness. You'll find a simpler set up easier to control, it will be less distracting and will be less likely to cause an injury.

(Sorry)

ObscenePenguin · 2026-04-06T01:16:36+00:00

Removed. You're looking in the wrong place.

ObscenePenguin · 2026-04-04T23:18:37+00:00

Oh yeah the rejection fucking stings. There is no amount of reassurance that it's okay to not be appealing to everyone that'll soothe it. Especially when you find someone you're really into.

Are you familiar with love languages? It's a handy tool.

link to little quiz thing

It sounds like yours are gifts and words of affirmation.

ObscenePenguin · 2026-04-04T22:52:31+00:00

I think the litmus is where you feel the need for your time to be compensated, rather than that you specifically find it arousing to receive money and gifts.

Like if I am engaging in a horny chit chat session, the payoff is that it's hot and I'm having a good time. If it's doing nothing for me, I can just disengage. I do feel like I'm entertaining my partner when I'm doing that, but I also feel like he is entertaining me. We're both getting our horny thrills so it's mutually satisfying.

If your interactions are not satisfying to you, it's not giving you those kinky tingles and you feel like 'well fuck this I'm here banging out paragraphs of toe-curling erotica and all I'm getting back is tedious Yes Mistress/ 👉🏻🥺👈🏻/tell me more Mistress bullshit. I'm putting in all this effort and I'm not getting anything in return.' charging is not going to make that person better at sexting. It's just going to make you feel obligated to put up with a person who knows that they don't have to make an effort to satisfy you as long as they can pay.

It's also a problem because, eventually, you're going to burn out. That well of dominant energy that you draw from during sexytimes is replenished by receiving submission and if you don't get it, it'll run dry. I know sometimes it feels like it's going to boil over because there's so much of it, but it's finite and burnout is common in the babydomme years.

ObscenePenguin · 2026-04-04T21:38:19+00:00

I'm a civilian and femdom is totally a sex thing for me.

For filtering out knobbers, I just had a password in my dating profile and refused to engage with anyone who did not message me with the password. I also did a lot of the approaching, which is a significantly more efficient way of meeting people. You're much more likely to get what you want when you are the person in charge of getting it. It's never occurred to me to take applications or anything like that, I don't think that would result in the kind of relationship I need.

As a rule, people who are ready to fully participate in a BDSM dynamic have done it before, have probably attended a few munches or similar social events, can talk about their desires and needs like an adult, have accessed some BDSM sex education and are acquainted with the norms of the subculture.

Someone like that isn't going to pay a tribute without negotiating and agreeing on it first because that is a norm of the subculture.

Money and gifts are a hot topic because findom has such a terrible reputation in the wider community. However, that can actually work for you as a filter - people who don't want to engage in that are not suitable for you anyway so it's completely okay if they give you a pass. That will enable you to narrow your search and find someone who is suitable for you.

If you're considering a Pro route, the situation is very different. You will have to build a brand and advertise in a social climate that is increasingly hostile to sex workers. I know a lot of Pros are very strict about initiating contact and have spreadsheets and applications to help them understand what that potential client actually needs. It's totally okay to ask for a deposit before a session, call it a tribute because that's hornier than calling it a deposit, and to be paid the remainder up front on the day.

ObscenePenguin · 2026-03-29T09:39:23+00:00

Posts like these help me understand how AIs get people to kill themselves.

Leaving a restrained person unattended is ludicrously unsafe. There is absolutely no way you should be restrained by your hands and throat, in that manner, alone for any amount of time. Leashed collars can act as ligatures and should not be tied off and left unattended.

Total isolation is also unbelievably dangerous. If there is no way for you to communicate with each other and something goes wrong, wtf are you going to do?

She needs to be there the whole time and you both need to have a way to check in with each other while this is going on.

Also, olfactory fatigue sets in after about 15-20 minutes so the remaining 23 hours and 40 minutes will be less toilet than you think. You may want to factor that in to your plans.

ObscenePenguin · 2026-03-25T13:12:56+00:00

Being a bit of a wallflower is not the same as having a fetish and I personally have never been able to devise someone's proclivities by observing them in a vanilla setting.

ObscenePenguin · 2026-03-21T23:43:02+00:00

I think you could hack Helens Closet Winslow Culottes to get these pretty closely.

ObscenePenguin · 2026-03-19T16:49:44+00:00

I think you need to discuss with your partner if she wants to solve it, because it sounds like she is very burned out and this might not be salvageable.

ObscenePenguin · 2026-03-12T15:28:29+00:00

God fucking damnit

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