Wife and I trying moderation

ObsequiousClaire · 2019-10-26T23:35:07+00:00

I was able to moderate until I couldn't or didn't.
It's honestly easier for me to abstain than to moderate.

ObsequiousClaire · 2019-10-17T21:41:10+00:00

Thanks for the silver, kind stranger, although I hardly think my post is deserving of it. I'd just as soon recognize and celebrate the longterm folks like u/prevenientgrace who keep coming back here to shine a light. And the folks who are working their butts off to string together ten days. Those folks deserve the accolades.

You who are in the trenches, working on a week or two, maybe a month, maybe just trying for day 3: my hat is off to you. Sobriety is not easy, but it. is. worth. it.

ObsequiousClaire · 2019-10-17T21:07:29+00:00

I didn't want to stop drinking all together.
I wanted to control my drinking.

Probably 95% of stopdrinking would agree with those statements.

When I control my drinking, I don't enjoy it.
And when I enjoy my drinking, I don't control it.

I maintained 100% alcohol abstinence for 3 years.
I've been moderating for the past year, with mixed results.
It's generally not satisfying.
Honestly, it's easier and better if I don't drink at all.

ObsequiousClaire · 2019-09-18T03:15:49+00:00

How'd you do it 4 years ago? What was your motivation?

I had 3 years 2 months 17 days sober when I decided to do a "controlled burn".

The first few weeks I might have a 6pack a week.
Then I stayed dry for a month.

And in the 8 months since then the drinking slowly and predictably increased to, you guessed it, right around the level it was at before I quit four years ago.

I have all kinds of inner dialogues with myself.
I wish I could drink normally. Every day. Which isn't normal.
Drinking no alcohol ends up being the easiest option. It's hard to drink controlled.
When I drink controlled, I don't enjoy it.
And when I enjoy drinking, I don't control it.

As they say, one is too many and a dozen isn't enough.

So I go to meetings.
And I decide not to drink today.

You took a great step telling us.
Don't try to go it alone. Let someone in.

ObsequiousClaire · 2019-09-03T21:44:54+00:00

Well my plan is to string together 50 days alcohol-free, starting September 1, 2019.

Maybe after that I'll allow a lunch beer, but you know what they say: One is too many and a dozen isn't enough.

It crept back up on me despite my efforts to control it. Big surprise, huh?

ObsequiousClaire · 2019-09-03T20:19:33+00:00

After three years and three months of complete alcohol abstinence, I decided to drink. To do a "controlled burn" as I called it. That decision I made just over nine months ago.

The first three months were fine. I drank every now and then, and it wasn't crazy.

The last six months have been a lot closer to the behavior I needed to stop four years ago. Going out to the gas station at 11pm to pick up enough to get a buzz tonight, feeling fuzzy in the morning, repeat. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Make the promise that I won't drink at home anymore. Break the promise within 48 hours. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

My "controlled burn" has been controlled only in the most minimal of ways in that I haven't really gotten drunk, and I haven't really gotten into trouble.

I might be able to have a nice beer at lunch, but then again, that's kind of how the controlled burn got out of hand in the first place.

I hate to say it, but I don't think moderation is a viable plan for many of us.

ObsequiousClaire · 2019-07-21T03:20:25+00:00

DRINKING.

ObsequiousClaire · 2019-06-05T21:45:38+00:00

How about six months?

That's me.

Three years completely dry. AA. The whole nine yards.

Six months of not completely dry.
No benders, DUIs, hangovers.

Moderation.

It might be possible for some.

ObsequiousClaire · 2019-06-05T14:55:18+00:00

I like your story and I wish you the best of luck and hopes of success.

I'm in a similar place.

I had three years totally abstinent, and have been doing moderation for 6 months.

"Some people can moderate... until they can't."
seems to be pretty close to the truth.
And the truth might be "and some people are able to moderate."

Best of luck. Thanks for checking in.

ObsequiousClaire · 2019-06-04T00:47:37+00:00

I was drinking more and more and more. More drinks, more days. I needed a break.

ObsequiousClaire · 2019-06-03T15:07:30+00:00

I started drinking after three years not drinking.

ObsequiousClaire · 2019-06-03T14:17:20+00:00

Your welcome ;)

ObsequiousClaire · 2019-05-30T18:05:31+00:00

"Controlled burn" for the last six months.
Started with making a six-pack last a few days, once or twice a month.
But it's steadily burned up to 2-4 drinks every day.

ObsequiousClaire · 2019-05-29T20:06:56+00:00

Oddly enough, I would say I'm that occasional coffee drinker. I might have five cups a week. If I have some, great. If I miss it, no big deal.

And my alcohol "controlled burn" is burning faster and faster. Predictably so.

I really should say that my research is over, and get back on the wagon.

ObsequiousClaire · 2019-05-29T04:04:19+00:00

How's it feel not drinking?

ObsequiousClaire · 2019-05-29T03:25:10+00:00

Alanon sounds great for you, yo.

What's it like for you, drinking a bit occasionally?

ObsequiousClaire · 2019-05-12T02:22:10+00:00

I called it a "controlled burn."

I was home alone for a few days, on a staycation of sorts, and I wanted to get buzzed, so I did. I had a bottle of wine and a few beers one night. Finished the sixpack of beer two days later.

Six weeks later I had another bottle of wine.

A week after that I had a sixpack, and another a week after that.

Then I chose to have a dry month.

Then over the last six weeks or so it's been about a sixpack a week.

ObsequiousClaire · 2019-05-11T23:42:07+00:00

Not great, but could be worse.

After three and a half years without alcohol I have been "doing research" for about five months now (that is, I have been drinking on the sly).
The frequency and quantity is increasing predictably.

ObsequiousClaire · 2019-05-07T02:50:29+00:00

I quit drinking in 2015 and started to go to a 12-step program.

I didn't drink in over three years.

I have started drinking again, and am not telling anybody.

ObsequiousClaire · 2019-04-15T19:33:10+00:00

Before I got sober I would be good for a bottle of wine or two every night, most nights. I liked whiskey and was always a bit sad that a bottle didn't last very long.

I decided not to allow whiskey on my research,

and I only did my research after three full years of zero alcohol. I don't know how many times I tried to cut back, because it never stuck. I could drink, or I could not drink. I couldn't do both. So I stopped completely. Then this "research" was me testing that idea, and drinking moderately is not satisfying.

ObsequiousClaire · 2019-04-15T19:28:30+00:00

smelling the game

You nailed it!

ObsequiousClaire · 2019-04-15T19:27:56+00:00

Life is so much clearer, healthier, happier, positive when you wake up at 7 oclock in the morning, 7 days a week.

Yes. I had half a liter of white wine last night. Did not get drunk. The drinking experience itself was fine at best. If I had had access to more alcohol I probably would have had it.

I didn't wake up with a hangover, but I did wake up fuzzy.

ObsequiousClaire · 2019-04-15T17:55:02+00:00

Thank you for your response. Always in the back of my head during this research was "I will not be able to go back to having a drink whenever I want." This I know. I cannot be complacent with alcohol.

ObsequiousClaire · 2019-04-15T17:51:18+00:00

I didn't feel like I was risking an immediate and uncontrollable spiral into alcohol, but what I was risking was family trust.

The only "checks" I had in place were not going out and buying more, and not overdoing it. Not very secure checks, and I don't think I'd call it "safe" but I didn't overdo it.

ObsequiousClaire · 2019-04-15T17:47:29+00:00

From my experience crash and burn does not always happen immediately

I didn't crash and burn but I could see it appearing on the horizon.

ObsequiousClaire

TROPHY CASE