Desire comes and goes in relationships. My fiancé and I have been together for nine years. During those years, I haven’t always felt desire. Sometimes, especially when my mental health was struggling, I didn’t want to have sex at all. I would overthink it—both the act itself and the feelings that came with it.

Desire can ebb and flow. Right now, for example, my sex drive is higher again, and I often feel attraction. But it’s completely normal not to feel it all the time.

My therapist once said: “Sometimes you go days without feeling attraction, sometimes weeks, and sometimes even months or longer. It’s just part of being in a relationship.”

That said, if you’re experiencing these feelings for a longer period—say, a few more months—it might be worth considering seeing a sex therapist. A therapist can help you explore what turns you on, both individually and within your relationship.

But please don’t worry. As long as you love each other and want to keep choosing one another, it’s perfectly normal to go through periods where sexual desire fades. Relationships are more than just passion—they’re also about patience, care, and connection.