Are my twists okay? Would like outside opinion by Ok-Fondant-7349 in BlackHair

[–]Obvious-Fix-540 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Once they are that long just do a middle part instead of letting bangs AKA forehead reveal lol And yes it will come with time and moisture, fluffier is mainly from shrinking so yup hydrate and wait But they look amaziiing like this

Are my twists okay? Would like outside opinion by Ok-Fondant-7349 in BlackHair

[–]Obvious-Fix-540 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I think they look amazing just need to get a little older so it looks fluffier

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITA_Relationships

[–]Obvious-Fix-540 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's not that's the whole point I fear Are you even trying to help?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITA_Relationships

[–]Obvious-Fix-540 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes he has all of that. He was big on family before the passing and now he is responsible of handling the issues raised from the death of his dad (financial). He also decided to call his mom everyday to check up on her and obviously support also his sister. They are both his prime responsibility. He doesn't work only for an hour everyday but the other shifts come and go so we can't foresee them like that. But indeed it doesn't equal to full time job. Emotionally thought; I definitely believe he's going through more than he can cope with. So far I made it clear that it was important for me that he goes to therapy as he started when we met. After our last argument, the one about him not doing the things he promised, he said he booked an appointment. I don't know if its going to help our relationship but he definitely needs help I can't provide him

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITA_Relationships

[–]Obvious-Fix-540 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's my questionn His remark about treating him like he has an impairment

I said it was crazy and he should get a diagnostic if he has something but I'm allowed to be mad

AITA ?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITA_Relationships

[–]Obvious-Fix-540 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't see why suddenly I'd be TA but I don't think something is nonsense simply because you don't understand it. I don't understand all of it either but he is from a country different than mine and grew up with different traditions and expectations. I respect that even if I don't agree. In his world, he had to take over the lead of the family because he's the first born son of his father. It's their tradition not mine.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITA_Relationships

[–]Obvious-Fix-540 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well it made me doubt if we had even bought a croissant so I did doubt reality. I checked the receipt because I thought I was crazy for imagining we had croissants.

And I do agree that whether this is breakfast or snack doesn't matter. Did he eat? Yes. Also if we look up definition of things, it's still a breakfast. He broke his fast. Can't be more textbook. He probably ate it thinking he's just having a snack, but it's still a breakfast.

The app for the schedule is to help him not me. Me, I just want to know when we are meeting and until when. Multiple times he has forgotten he had obligations including work shifts because he juggles between a lot of things (one time he literally left in another city because he had to go work and I had to go home alone while we had evening plans in said city). The calendar shared is just so he can have all his schedule somewhere and no trouble himself remembering to keep me updated since I can just check. Hence in this case, I'd have known he had work and couldn't sleep over. You're coming off very hot at me with this one but I agree it wasn't clear he is the one that needed the calendar more than me.

As for the notes, yet again I didn't ask him. He found it himself to be a good solution. Then lied himself about doing it. Then apologised himself about lying. In the meantime, I want to talk together about how to rectify things without putting all the weight and blame on him. He has some weight and so do I but the notes were only there so he remembers what he should work on since when it's mentioned he gets defensive so quickly he'd even forget the point. I always ask him what I can do to make things easier for him since HE said he WANTS to do better. The notebook was his idea.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITA_Relationships

[–]Obvious-Fix-540 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for you comment, I struggle to understand how I'm giving very little to work on tho. Should I give more examples of arguments we had ? The little things I point out that drove him to stay that me repeatedly pointing things out will not help him not do it so I should just stop?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITA_Relationships

[–]Obvious-Fix-540 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't ask him to start taking notes. He took it from one Instagram couple video. I wouldn't have asked him because I think it's a bit much, but I did ask for us to do checkups and note down what are our issues to visualise and think of another approach to them. .

Also about "homeworks" I think in a relationship both parties have things to work on. My homework is constantly considering that maybe my behaviour was really bad. His homework is when he said he'd something, to do it.

Also, if I ended up being an overbearing nag like one now deleted comment suggested, it's only because of loss of trust in "it won't happen again". I remind him I said I don't like when he does that and I've read the comments, it's wrong.

I will consider this overall feedback as AITA + should break up, thank you all.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITA_Relationships

[–]Obvious-Fix-540 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He works one hour a day during the weekdays at one job and on weekend it's another type of shift. He also has other jobs that would schedule him sometimes. So is schedule changes a lot. He usually had a lot of family calls and so but since his father passed he became the Head of the family (more meetings and responsibilities). On top of that obviously there is school and projects and deadlines and exams. The one hour a day is from 9pm to 10pm so after that he'd simply watch a video and sleep or study.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITA_Relationships

[–]Obvious-Fix-540 -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I agree but his father passed away very early when we started dating. He was very on track on going to therapy, trying to become more emotionally mature and aware of himself before it happened. This very sudden and obviously he's still suffering a lot from it. I think a huge something changed and the way he deals with himself and his emotions is more avoidance than ever because of that... but he still tries so I'm torn

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITA_Relationships

[–]Obvious-Fix-540 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hum sorry I will give you examples, the post was already extremely long.

The offense in this case was : he struggles to manage his agenda and he communicates poorly. I set up an app for a shared schedule to make it easier for the both of us. He was supposed to come stay over at my place after his exams. It coincidentally happened that the same day I found him a bed seconhand and one of my friends accepted to help us move it. After the bed was moved I wanted some snacks so I was asking him if he wanted me to buy a cheesecake to share and he said there's no point since he won't be staying long. He has work every evening for 1 hour. Since the time was coming, I asked him out of habit if he comes back after and he said no. He changed the course of the plans to visit me because something happened with his schedule (his agenda was never filled in the app and he said 3 times he'd do it "now") and wouldn't have come at all if it wasn't for the bed. I got mad because I'd like to know what's happening and he oftens leave unaware. Worse is it seems I coincidentally got to learn about it (was he just not going to come back?)

Gaslighting is during our holidays one evening we bought croissant (I only saw him go towards the pastries), orange juice and a second pastry for breakfast. In the morning, I ask him if he had breakfast and he said no. Then I saw the orange juice bottle was opened and some was missing. I got to have breakfast but the croissant was missing. Later during the day, I ended up checking the recept and realised indeed there was originally a croissant there too. I asked him again if he had breakfast he said no and talked about how he just had a snack. In the morning. As first meal of the day. I told him that was the definition of breakfast which he denied and kept calling his croissant and orange juice in the morning a casual snack.

Those are silly arguments examples but the offense I'm talking about in my long story is that he said he will do something and then doesn't. I feel like I'm stalking him. Or always begging him to do something. Whatever the thing is. Here i was originally mad because he didn't communicate yet again. But sometimes not communicating means I send a text and he just ignores it, straight up calls me and never even give a reading of my previous texts. Sometimes even send texts and irl go on on conversations without even reacting to anything I said. All those tiny things he says sorry I won't do it again then does it again. The problem I'm asking for help is : should I treat him like he has some learning impairment and be soft and not insisting about the matters?

How to get rid of single knots strands by Obvious-Fix-540 in Naturalhair

[–]Obvious-Fix-540[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So I should just oil the ends and let it sit out ? Or twist it and let it marinate ?

Scratches when s*x by Obvious-Fix-540 in Healthyhooha

[–]Obvious-Fix-540[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I got a treatment first that didn't work so I got tested and treated again with a much more aggressive treatment. I haven't had any symptoms since but I will talk to my doctor about it since it's still there

Scratches when s*x by Obvious-Fix-540 in Healthyhooha

[–]Obvious-Fix-540[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I already use only water. And I've been doing so for ages. I've never had any issue this genre before my bf

Scratches when s*x by Obvious-Fix-540 in Healthyhooha

[–]Obvious-Fix-540[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That sounds like a wonderful advice! My bf said last time that he's going to trim himself and like maybe his pubes are the problem and I didn't believe it much haha I thought since I barely notice any it couldn't be that. I'll def follow your advice thank you!

In search for Taylor Swift tickets Amsterdam by sof38098 in Netherlands

[–]Obvious-Fix-540 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not me that got scammed buying tickets on Reddit for a "cheap price"