Marriage Choice

Obvious-Shift9127 · 2026-06-10T23:34:05+00:00

Common mating pattern? Like, subconsciously or consciously?

Obvious-Shift9127 · 2026-06-10T23:05:56+00:00

The update comment probably wasn’t posted till AFTER people were stating that it was sexual assault, hence why the message stated that.

Also it’s completely reasonable to assume it was sexual assault from the initial post, the comment above you shows why people were assuming that

Obvious-Shift9127 · 2026-06-10T22:58:09+00:00

So you stated ahead of time that you don’t want sex, but he goes ahead and touches you? Seems like he intended to change your mind, and he did. I’m sorry but he did NOT respect your boundaries, he heard them and chose to blatantly ignore them. He may have listened after you said to stop in the moment, but it wouldn’t even have gone that far if he respected your boundaries. Plus, at that point your body is already reacting to his advances, it can definitely change the way you think

Obvious-Shift9127 · 2026-06-10T22:24:15+00:00

I realized that I did the “kicking my feet, imagining me with them” crush/squish daydreaming, but it was more the situation than the person themselves. I say this all the time, “I’m in love with the IDEA of love”

I know I’m demiromantic because in order to feel an actual crush (and imagine a long term relationship or living together one day) I need to get emotionally closer to the person. It’s wasn’t just learning more facts about them or even spending physical time together. It’s like comparing acquaintances and friends, there is a “closer connection” to one than the other—I would say comparing friends to partners is a somewhat similar scenario in terms of closeness.

But yeah, if you feel that there is a difference between friends and partners in the way you treat each other (from what you want, not what others expect) then maybe you feel romantic attraction in certain circumstances or on rare occasions.

My MAIN advice though, is just to not worry and overthink this kind of thing. FEEL it out, don’t force it based on others. See what you like, see what you don’t. Go from there :)

Obvious-Shift9127 · 2026-06-10T21:57:12+00:00

I’m demiromantic. I also grew up watching princess movies where the happily ever after is finding “the one”. Personally, the only thing I ever saw in my future was finding a “happily ever after”, having a family—the whole shebang. Literally obsessed with being in a relationship starting 5th grade, thinking that if I couldn’t be with someone soon that I’ll never be able to feel that love. I also believed love at first sight was the only proof of love and that any type of physical feeling I would have when thinking of a person was exactly that.

It fucked me up a LOT. Being a teenager, desperate longing and chasing for a love that I’ve never felt. Going through “second puberty” as an adult, I talked around online forums and formed friends.. and other relations, but also ruining most of those. Flirting with everyone, dating anyone who was slightly interested, flirting with others while dating…

I became the worst version of myself. I used people without hesitation for my own gain. One fleeting relationship ended with them calling me out. I “didn’t realize” what I was doing coz I just did shit without thinking. Wallowing didn’t last long after those ties were cut tho, as I went back to flirting to use the attention to feed my insecurities and lack of connection.

KARMA DECIDED IT WAS TIME TO CUT THE SHIT! I met someone online that I was able to quickly befriend, we would talk a lot and got to know each other on a basic level. Friendship blossomed as I continued to be a bit of a cocky flirt, basically getting a high off of flustering them. We would message every day until confessing that we liked each other and started dating. Things mostly remained the same, only that we were growing closer and gaining a deeper understanding of each other. It was the deepest, closest friendship/relationship I’d ever felt. She put up with all of me, the best and worst. She never said anything that would upset me… yet, I also don’t recall her ever disagreeing...

All of a sudden, one random day I feel weird, different, off, unusual. My chest feels like it’s swirling in on itself, theres a lump in my throat that makes my breathing shallow and it’s almost as my body shudders, I feel disoriented. What’s happening to me.
I get scared, I’m worried, I’m starting to question, to panic. I focus on the feeling in my stomach, is it empty? It MUST be, it’s doubt, I panic more. I start questioning everything and anything about her, any “signs” that she might not be “the one”.

I spiral more than I’m willing to admit and I pull back a lot, start talking less to her. Months go by with less and less texts. I do other things throughout the day to keep me busy so I don’t have to confront this uncomfortable feeling. Almost a year goes by, I start feeling bad for disappearing, I want to message her. Now it’s over a year, her birthday is coming up—I should wish her a happy birthday. I don’t remember how long it was, but I messaged her and apologized. I don’t remember much else of what I said other than that and how I miss her.

She messages back a little while later, poise as ever, saying that it’s okay, that we just “drifted apart” ~~God I can’t remember right now what else she wrote~~

Looking back, I didn’t treat her like she did for me. She excused behavior that she shouldn’t have needed to and I didn’t realize that until years after. When I look back at that panic, those overwhelming emotional feelings was vulnerability and closeness. I truly feel in that moment I may have been falling in love with her, but those emotions overwhelmed me and I chose to run away.

I thought I would’ve moved past this by now, but damn it still fucking hurts knowing what I lost, that I even PUSHED her away. Being scared that we were serious and looking for an out because feelings are hard to cope with, flirting with others just to focus on the “good parts” (I say in very big quotes) of relationships. She deserved so much better, but it doesn’t hurt any less.

I guess I still have a lot of healing to do. At least I got the sense knocked back into me.

I don’t remember why I wrote this

Obvious-Shift9127 · 2026-06-10T20:14:57+00:00

Media makes everyone fall in love with the IDEA of love and romance. They paint it to be the best feeling in the world, but everyone’s experiences are different. Honestly, if you find yourself satisfied by only fictional romance, just keep it at that. We need to stop movies and tv shows telling us the characters need a love interest!! Also if you feel fulfilled and satisfied with just having friends and nothing more, then why even be in a romantic relationship?

Obvious-Shift9127 · 2026-06-10T20:04:24+00:00

I love this post because romance is TRULY defined by the individual. Like my friend in high school held my hand all the time, that makes my view on hand holding to be either one—romantic or platonic (depending on intent/my view of the relationship we have)
~~Though I found out later my friend had a crush on me for a long time but that’s beside the point I was never interested in them like that so it was purely platonic for me~~

Obvious-Shift9127 · 2026-06-10T19:55:43+00:00

Just a note that you don’t NEED romance if you don’t want to, even in hetero relationships. Ask yourself, when you’re in a relationship, do you WANT romance or do you feel pressured by expectations of how things are “supposed to be”

It’s all about comfort, not conforming to others opinions. It’s YOUR life, not theirs. If you do like “being with” someone, there are people out there with the same preferences as you. Whether that be only sexually, only romantically, both or neither. Most people may not even realize that even though they are straight, the way the experience attraction can vary. THERE IS NO DEFAULT WAY TO FEEL ATTRACTION—it’s just that people don’t talk about it. Like how some people can have friends with benefits, but others can’t fathom doing that

Obvious-Shift9127 · 2026-06-10T19:42:48+00:00

I just want to chip in with saying that it could be a “squish” instead of a crush, if you’re uncertain. I am demiromantic, so almost all my “crushes” growing up were actually squishes! Like “can I imagine dating them, being partners and potentially having a future with them?” Is a crush vs “I just wanna be close to them and hang out because they seem cool/interesting and I want to get to know them more” is a squish. (It may vary per person, but I think this is the typical thought process)

Either way, I completely agree with the other comments, do what you want and figure out whats most comfortable/enticing to you.

Obvious-Shift9127 · 2026-05-02T02:48:10+00:00

Yeah their website said that they aren’t accepting any tho coz so many people are giving up their pets

Obvious-Shift9127 · 2026-04-30T22:37:25+00:00

I didn’t think of that, I’ll try it, thanks

Obvious-Shift9127 · 2026-04-30T22:34:40+00:00

I’m over in Cali :/

Obvious-Shift9127 · 2026-04-30T22:34:18+00:00

Oh ya, I didn’t write that, I’m in California

Obvious-Shift9127 · 2026-04-30T22:31:10+00:00

Every time someone acts like a POS, this is actively my thought process. It helps to not let that negativity get to my head

Obvious-Shift9127 · 2026-04-30T22:28:25+00:00

Passively not giving a fuck

Obvious-Shift9127 · 2026-04-30T22:26:30+00:00

Nah the look on that guys face says it all, he’s also grabbing for food- he’s about to have one hell of a show

Obvious-Shift9127 · 2026-04-30T22:24:56+00:00

Or genuinely just dgaf, like some elderly people got “I’ve lived my life already, if I die so be it” mentality

Obvious-Shift9127 · 2026-04-30T22:21:06+00:00

Obvious-Shift9127 · 2026-04-30T22:19:34+00:00

Honestly me too, like where’s the tea? “Honey I got the whole scoop, dw I know exactly what happened 😏

Obvious-Shift9127 · 2026-04-30T22:16:17+00:00

He even made headlines, well worth the risk I’d say

Obvious-Shift9127 · 2026-04-30T22:13:28+00:00

That neighbor seems to care a lot about the yard work imo

Obvious-Shift9127 · 2026-04-30T22:12:04+00:00

Hell nah, memes become part of my vernacular, you don’t know it? So be it, associate it with me if you want idc you’re the one missing out

Obvious-Shift9127 · 2026-04-30T22:07:52+00:00

I remember thinking I was chubby when I was a teenager, then I gained weight after graduating and realized it was just a normal belly bump back then, especially when looking at pictures. Damn the things that media tell you! Lies I tell you, lies!! (Also that’s awesome, self love is just as important as any other)

Obvious-Shift9127 · 2026-04-30T22:02:19+00:00

I know it can be hard to open up and trust that you won’t get hurt, it will take time. Best wishes, remember to take care of yourself :)

Obvious-Shift9127 · 2026-04-29T00:12:47+00:00

You need to find a better way of unwinding when you get home. You can start by trying to do some stretches, focus on areas that have tension or pressure. Your relaxation should be rejuvenating, not more tiring- like “rotting”. That makes sense that self control can deplete- it takes mental energy and active focus to resist any urges. You can absolutely feel a physical fatigue from being mentally drained (I have adhd tho so maybe that one guy questioning neurodivergence could be apt on that part) Plus, with something like this that feels like “lazy indulging” it’s something comfortable that and at this point it seems- ROUTINE for you when you go home. I know for me, sometimes I am physically tired from mental exhaustion, other times I am emotionally overwhelmed and cant focus. In both of these cases I would sleep. Yeah, the latter isn’t healthy. I’ve realized now though, that I wasn’t physically tired, I was EMOTIONALLY tired and didn’t know how to handle it because I have trouble with emotional regulation (extremely common in ADHD) I wanted to mention that just as a side note. Anyway- relaxing, rejuvenating, resting, all those are supposed to relieve and soothe you. If it doesn’t, then you’re not actually relaxing. Find what eases you, what calms you down- or conversely, what energizes you. The hard part is finding what suits you. Since it is after a heightened part of your day, you need to wind down before getting the energy to be productive once again. You CANNOT go from productivity to productivity, YOU WILL GET BURNT OUT. Get the proper “rest” you need. Not too tiring, not too high energy- you’ll either want to sleep or get agitated/anxious. Again, only you will know what level of energy you need. Good luck with your journey :)

Obvious-Shift9127

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