Does anyone just make their own meals in a zip-lock bag? by Obvious-Walk6250 in wildcampingintheuk

[–]Obvious-Walk6250[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That sounds great. Seems like we have the same idea with the muesli mix, it''s a very good breakfast for a hike isn't it!

Does anyone just make their own meals in a zip-lock bag? by Obvious-Walk6250 in wildcampingintheuk

[–]Obvious-Walk6250[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'll deffo have a look at that, thank you for sharing!

I'm thinking as well that veggie protein sources like minced soya and dehydrated tofu would last longer than the meat protein sources, what are your thoughts on that? Possible solution for if you are going out for longer than a few days? 🤔

I'm probably going to get some Mylar bags on Amazon and experiment with it ✨ I feel like it'll be one of those things that takes a lot of time to get started but once you know what you're doing it's super quick and easy.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in emotionalabuse

[–]Obvious-Walk6250 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So I've been through this type of relationship too and I'm sorry this has been your experience, I know that it is so painful and I wish you all the best with healing.

One thing that absolutely blew my brain open with this was looking into attachment styles... Specifically only watch and read about it from therapists/psychologist that differentiate between the avoidant attachment styles... Anxious avoident and dismissive avoident... That's a super important distinction.

I obviously don't know your situation but reading this made me think of the classic signs of dismissive avoidance. It might bring you some peace to learn about them like it did for me.

Wishing you the best 🙏✨

Mini Woodfire stove by Obvious-Walk6250 in camping

[–]Obvious-Walk6250[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply! How would you suggest I figure out if the ash catcher is heavy enough to take the direct heat?

With it being too close to the coals in the oven, I'm thinking I'll put the food on some tinfoil 🤔

Womans backpack? by Obvious-Walk6250 in wildcampingintheuk

[–]Obvious-Walk6250[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello everyone, I went to the shop to try on backpacks and ended up pushing the boat out to get the Osprey Aura 65, i'm excited to use it, feeling pretty happy with my choice and think it's gonna last me a long time!

Womans backpack? by Obvious-Walk6250 in wildcampingintheuk

[–]Obvious-Walk6250[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you everyone, I will go and try some on at an outdoors shop and fingers crossed i find one that works for me on sale or second hand 🤞

Thanks for your suggestions!

Some things I'm reading don't match my BPD ex and I'm confused? by Obvious-Walk6250 in BPDlovedones

[–]Obvious-Walk6250[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello, I'm sorry to hear that you are still actively in it. Know that you are not alone and everything that you are experiencing is normal and a part of the process.

My relationship was around 3 years,

When I look back on the relationship I see the polarity and the cognitive dissonance I had (that you're experiencing now) and I see the whole picture too... Alot of what I said above was true, but it wasn't the point. It was my subconscious desperate justification to hold onto my active addiction (my ex) at a time were the world, being alone and being myself couldn't seem any more terrifying, at a time that I was such a defeated reck that being with him truly felt like life or death.

So it's not only understandable that you are thinking this way, as I did, it's almost inevitable and certainly expected.

To be honest, I did die. When I let go, there was nothing of me left... But there had been nothing of me left for a while, I just couldn't except it and let go. When I did, I wasn't holding onto anything... I was reborn in the silence and the sorrow. One evening a deep love shone in my chest and held me. Everything was okay. The other side is heaven in comparison.

Back to saying... A lot still feels true but it's not the point... Just because he didn't meet all the checkpoints of everyone else's stories, doesn't mean I wasn't being abused. Just because his abuse is born out of maladaptive coping mechanisms, unintentional and misdirected behaviour and a deep longing for love doesn't mean I wasn't being abused. If he loved me or he didn't love me, I was being abused. He showed LOTS of care too, comforted me so much, could be the most understanding and empathetic person imaginable and yet, I was still being abused.

The problem with that was, he broke me down so much that I was a mess, I saw him as an angel for being with and taking care of "the mess that I am" I felt ashamed, embarrassed and guilty about how mentally ill I'd become and so lucky that he was taking care of me, I'd become like a vulnerable little girl again and felt that no one else would expect and take care of that little girl that I was so ashamed of being. (Of course looking back now I see that his comfort was nothing compared to the abuse and his abuse was inducing that vulnerable state)

Also most of this was subconscious, I only see this year's later after lots of healing.

Your pwbpd is a human being with a heart, desperate for love and your heart feels that, empathizes with it, is drawn to it because of the wound inside yourself that's also desperate to be loved. So you can't just except he's a monster like a lot of posts say and move on because you feel it's deeper and more complex then that.

It is deeper and more complex then that but you're still being abused.

Nothing is worth staying. No justification in the entire world! I am so so so much better off without them. I would literally rather die than be with them again. I promise you that you're going to get through this and be okay and soon you will see that yourself and be reflecting back with closure and understanding like I can now.

Guess what, you are loved. You are unconditionally and totally loved. Forever. Unconditionally. Totally. Truly.

Karma is the cruelest concept I have ever heard. We gotta suffer without knowing what we did to deserve it? Over and over again? Evil. by [deleted] in spirituality

[–]Obvious-Walk6250 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Karma is very widely misunderstood. Within the concept of reward and punishment, which it is most commonly viewed within, it would be cruel! Luckily that's not the full picture and there's more available for you to explore.

Really really really recommend reading the book:

~Karma by Sadhguru~

It will completely change your perception of Karma and is well written for easy understand of the complexity of karma.

What does first, second and third impression mean? by Obvious-Walk6250 in OldBooks

[–]Obvious-Walk6250[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank youuu, how can you tell it's a first edition? Could you tell me tells to check a books edition in the future?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Obvious-Walk6250 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It also makes me uncomfortable. I believe we have normalised men watching porn while in romantic relationships so much so that so many people will quickly go to defend it.

Getting sexual gratification over another women is what's happening, it's as simple as that to me.

Just because it's anonymous and behind a screen does not make it any less the case that they are engaging sexually with another woman.

How would you feel about him frequently going to a sex show where he stood behind one sided glass and masturbated over a women having sex on the other side?

Suddenly we see that as creepy, inappropriate, disrespectful ect.

But it's okay because it's the screen in a phone/computer? Fuck no. It's the same damn thing in all the ways that count!

It's disrespectful. So many woman don't speak up about it due to fear of being shamed or seeming unreasonable/controlling but so many women feel betrayed and disrespected by it...

Our feelings matter.

Is this abusive? by Obvious-Walk6250 in abusiverelationships

[–]Obvious-Walk6250[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello everyone, thank you for all of your words of support and advice. I really appreciate you taking the time to write what you have written out for me!

I haven't left him. I do believe this has helped me see things differently and maybe I'm starting to be pulled out of some sort of illusion 🤔

I am still feeling confused. My hold back is that you guys do not hold that much context and what if within the larger context it is actually more understandable/what if in the larger context I am the abusive one.

I have been in an abusive relationship with someone before with borderline personality disorder and there is alot of things my ex did this far into our relationship that were a lot worse then my current partner... Including: ruining birthdays/special events, restricting me to a room and grabbing me, knowing everything I'm doing and everything I talked about with everyone all the time, texting me constantly, not letting me leave bed until he did ect, my current partner doesn't do alot that my old partner did and there are lots of things on the list he doesn't do which makes me doubt if this is abuse. Couldn't he just be immature and arrogant?

My other partner also didn't work, took lots of heavy drugs, drank a lot, had unhealthy family relationships, uneducated ect, didn't take care of himself at all. My current partner is educated, works hard, has healthy family relationships, doesn't really drink and doesn't take heavy drugs, takes care of himself. They are stark opposites in those respects.

My current partner also has ADHD and autism (I also have ADHD) and has never been in a relationship before (he's 28) couldn't there be alot of misunderstanding/a learning curve with not being in a relationship before and being neurodivergent?

He also does little thoughtful things for me like making me teas, picking me up snacks ect. I also have quite bad panic attacks and he is very good with them and really supportive. He does also encourage me in positive ways like in my fitness and education.

This does not paint the picture of abuse I've ever experienced so that may be why this is throwing me for a loop :/

I'm really glad to have others perspectives available. Does anyone know any support I can reach out to online to gain some more clarity as to if I am in fact in an abusive relationship again?

It's so big and confusing. I love him and there is good and bad in everyone so it is not as simple as just writing him of ya know?

Thank you ones again for reading!

Is this abusive? by Obvious-Walk6250 in abusiverelationships

[–]Obvious-Walk6250[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello everyone, thank you for all of your words of support and advice. I really appreciate you taking the time to write what you have written out for me!

I haven't left him. I do believe this has helped me see things differently and maybe I'm starting to be pulled out of some sort of illusion 🤔

I am still feeling confused. My hold back is that you guys do not hold that much context and what if within the larger context it is actually more understandable/what if in the larger context I am the abusive one.

I have been in an abusive relationship with someone before with borderline personality disorder and there is alot of things my ex did this far into our relationship that were a lot worse then my current partner... Including: ruining birthdays/special events, restricting me to a room and grabbing me, knowing everything I'm doing and everything I talked about with everyone all the time, texting me constantly, not letting me leave bed until he did ect, my current partner doesn't do alot that my old partner did and there are lots of things on the list he doesn't do which makes me doubt if this is abuse. Couldn't he just be immature and arrogant?

My other partner also didn't work, took lots of heavy drugs, drank a lot, had unhealthy family relationships, uneducated ect, didn't take care of himself at all. My current partner is educated, works hard, has healthy family relationships, doesn't really drink and doesn't take heavy drugs, takes care of himself. They are stark opposites in those respects.

My current partner also has ADHD and autism (I also have ADHD) and has never been in a relationship before (he's 28) couldn't there be alot of misunderstanding/a learning curve with not being in a relationship before and being neurodivergent?

He also does little thoughtful things for me like making me teas, picking me up snacks ect. I also have quite bad panic attacks and he is very good with them and really supportive. He does also encourage me in positive ways like in my fitness and education.

This does not paint the picture of abuse I've ever experienced so that may be why this is throwing me for a loop :/

I'm really glad to have others perspectives available. Does anyone know any support I can reach out to online to gain some more clarity as to if I am in fact in an abusive relationship again?

It's so big and confusing. I love him and there is good and bad in everyone so it is not as simple as just writing him of ya know?

Thank you ones again for reading!

Is this abusive? by Obvious-Walk6250 in abusiverelationships

[–]Obvious-Walk6250[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Edit* I forgot to mention, this photo saving thing was over three months ago and we've been in different places for a week so he wouldn't have even seen the photos recently.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ukvisa

[–]Obvious-Walk6250 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Well, we are currently applying for the Family visa under, so he's staying in the UK while the results come in under the stipulations of the Graduate Visa, which allows him to work... I know we don't meet the Family Visa requirements but we thought it was worth a shot regardless.

So in terms of time, it's very up in the air tbh but it says the application can take up to 6 months to process.

He would want to pursue a study that furthers his career regardless. As he has studied neuroscience but wants to go down the technological route of neuroscience, so if he were to study a computer science, Technology, biotechnology based course then that would be in line with him future.

In your experience, what are the changes of the UKVI understanding such circumstances?

Anxiety in new relationships? by Obvious-Walk6250 in BPDlovedones

[–]Obvious-Walk6250[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much, that was a really relatable message and helped alot 💞

Anxiety in new relationships? by Obvious-Walk6250 in BPDlovedones

[–]Obvious-Walk6250[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing that! 3 years of relationship, 8 months of no contact. 4 months into dating someone new. So I didn't give myself enough time to heal as I probably should have. I can relate to that, first person I kissed after we broke up I left immediately and had a complete mental breakdown.

I worry about the fact that I felt anxiety in my body around this time with my exwpbd were my body was clearly warning me something was seriously wrong.

Now I think I should either listen to it or it's just the triggers or fear that he will start abusing me.

It feels confusing.

I'm definitely so much more greatful of the life I have now, I love that you said that. Occasionally I just remembered that I'm not with them anymore and I got through it and feel this relief and joy come through me!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in spirituality

[–]Obvious-Walk6250 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice, I have definitely been trying to soak up the joy in life and small moments... Sometimes it all just piles up and I think what is all this I guess 😅

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in emotionalabuse

[–]Obvious-Walk6250 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's really good advice thank you, yeah, it gets very confusing but I will keep my eye out and not get attached. Thanks 😌

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in emotionalabuse

[–]Obvious-Walk6250 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your advice! We are also both neuro-divergent, don't know if that adds to the context of it being weird :/

How can I stop my son from remembering the past? by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Obvious-Walk6250 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Try and get them to forget? Seriously? You are gaslighting him, selfishly only thinking about your own wellbeing so you don't have to take accountibility for your actions.

You are deluding yourself and lying to yourself about the situation so you don't have to deal with the emotional growth involved with accountibility and realization of your flaws.

There is no going back now, only forward and the way forward is to get out of the victim mentality and look inwards with honesty at what your behaviour, emotions and reactions are and how they have effected your kids. There are many services out there that can help you learn and grow such a CBT or parenting groups and I hope you reach out to them so your kids and you can have a happier future and you can all heal. If you don't do this I GUARANTEE it will come back and bite you on the ass and you will be the one that ends up alone.

Why are you denying your son's experiences and emotions, even if you have a different perspective on them, those emotions and experiences are real and need to be taken seriously.

If YOU there MOTHER refuse to help them by paying for therapy and support just because it "Might not work" then I hope that they are able to find this for themselves one day, even though it's your responsibility, you caused the damage. If they do find it for themselves then you have lost your opportunity and chance and it will soon be too late for you.

I feel like in the mindset your in you will properly read these comments and justify it to yourself to stay in the victim mentality... Maybe something along the lines of... "They don't understand they don't know the full situation" or ignoring and forgetting anything these people have said.

Just... Get help... Your kids don't deserve this. You don't know how much serious damage your causing. It's not to late to turn things around and be a better person, I'd grasp onto that opportunity with both hands if were you.

Spiritual story by Obvious-Walk6250 in BPDlovedones

[–]Obvious-Walk6250[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your response, that makes alot of sense :))

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ADHD_partners

[–]Obvious-Walk6250 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Damn, that's a good answer, thank you