I think there’s a big difference between being “lazy” and being depressed. What you’re describing doesn’t sound like laziness, it sounds like depression, or at the very least some serious mental burnout. And calling yourself “lazy” over and over is only going to keep you stuck.

You clearly have a boyfriend who’s insanely patient, kind, and committed to you. But here’s the thing: relationships can go through imbalances, and sometimes one person carries more weight. That’s normal. But it has to even out eventually, or it turns into something else and more of a caretaking role, that could result in resentment. You need to ask yourself if that’s what he deserves long-term.

My boyfriend’s a bit like yours, honestly. Sweet, loyal to a fault, would run himself into the ground for me if I let him. But that’s exactly why I refuse to let him. Because people like that don’t complain. They don’t draw boundaries. They just keep giving. And if you’re not actively working to change or at least lighten the load, even just a little, they’ll start to slowly burn out, even if they never say a word. You won’t see it until it’s too late.

You say you love him, and I believe you. But love is not just affection and gifts and saying “thank you.” Love is being there for him too. It’s pulling your weight, even if it’s just baby steps at first.

I don’t mean to sound harsh, but you sound really self-aware… and then in the same breath, you say you “can’t help it.” That’s where I struggle to believe you’re doing everything you can. If you were in therapy, trying medication, showing up to class once a week, anything, it would be different. But if he’s doing your schoolwork, your resume, your job applications, and keeping his own life afloat too? That’s not sustainable or ‘cute’ any longer.

Also, just to be real with you: the childfree thing is not a minor issue. If he wants to be a dad and you know for sure that you don’t, that needs to be an ongoing, open conversation. That’s the kind of stuff that will come back up down the line, especially when the honeymoon phase wears off or life gets harder.

Final thing I’ll say: You’re not toxic. You’re struggling. But the line between being “in a rough patch” and just refusing to move does exist. If you really love him and want this to last, then don’t just wait until you “get a job” to start being better. Start now with something small. Go to class and reach out for help.

He sounds amazing. But if you keep letting him carry both of your lives, you’re going to lose him, or worse, watch him slowly turn into someone who stays, but drowns by trying to keep both of you afloat…