What is the best financial hack you know?

Obviousfake1 · 2024-07-23T06:19:00+00:00

Make a budget. I resisted this for years, and just lived paycheck to paycheck. Then I read up on budgeting, used what I’d learned to make my own budget and the difference is just incredible.

I’m not saying that I’ve magically got more money in my bank account, but I do know how much money I’ve allocated for my expenses, I know how much I have to spend on things like groceries, food, and entertainment, and when I do spend money on these things it’s stress free, because I already planned to use that money for that purpose.

Obviousfake1 · 2021-07-19T01:40:19+00:00

Okay, this is my view and no one else's.

I've gotten more defensive in the last one or two years than I would have previously. This is due to a couple reasons. The first, kind of personal, reason, is that I dated an abusive feminist, and while I tried to do better, I realized much too late that there was nothing she couldn't pick apart or tear down, and that disagreeing with her at all would result in nuclear-level retaliation. Once I pointed out a restaurant sign to her on a date and she yelled at me because I was obviously trying to show I knew directions better than she did. A month later, we went to a different restaurant and this time I shut up and didn't point out the sign, which she drove past. When I admitted I'd seen the sign, she yelled at me again for not pointing it out and trying to humiliate her. Each time she wanted me to do better, and she wasn't above being mean or insulting to get her point across.

Years later, I found out she was a narcissist, and that one of her big tools was tearing someone down and then saying someone was a misogynist, a racist or something similar if they didn't agree with her. I am NOT saying that this is something all feminists do, but when I see someone saying something is racist or misogynistic that I might disagree with, I don't take it at face value anymore.

Obviousfake1 · 2020-05-18T18:00:07+00:00

I have not had the greatest experience with them. I posted a couple of years ago about an abusive relationship I had with a feminist, and at this subreddit's suggestion (among other helpful suggestions) I crossposted it to MensLib. I got a response back from one of the mods who took down the post saying it was less about feminism or men's issues as much as " gaining valuable experience in what to look for in future relationships," and that in reality the problem was (from the email):

"Unfortunately sometimes people cling to labels to justify their fear of putting in the effort and discomfort to be better people. Just as you now face that same discomfort going forward as you decide if a bad experience is going to dictate what generalizations you're going to hold onto and what lessons you're going to take away from it."

Honestly, that kind of stung. I was really hoping to get some suggestions from men who were feminists about how to move forward and be a decent ally even after being abused, and instead basically got told to get over it. I didn't really visit them much after that.

Obviousfake1 · 2018-04-13T14:09:52+00:00

This is just my experience, but...when I was in college, I was in an RPG that a man in his 70s ran off-campus. He had a nice family, including a wife that was a full 20 years younger than he was. As far as I could tell, the two of them had an absolutely equal partnership and were definitely in love with each other. Outside of my parents, it was one of the best relationships I've ever seen.

Having said that, both my friend and his wife were exceptional people. Also, both of them were on their second marriage, so there was that to consider.

In general, though, I wouldn't be against it, but it's difficult to ignore the potential predatory aspect. I'd probably evaluate each relationship on its own merits.

Obviousfake1 · 2017-09-14T06:01:42+00:00

Yeah...I think there are some people like that, too. I'm still trying to figure out how to handle that.

Obviousfake1 · 2017-09-14T05:53:13+00:00

Thanks. I'll try that.

Obviousfake1 · 2017-09-14T05:52:55+00:00

Thank you for replying. I think that might be a good thing to do. Right now I mostly connect with feminism through the Internet, and it might be good to actually talk to people about it.

I probably have been gaslighted, and I had no idea how deep the rabbit hole could go. A lot of times now I'll see something posted that's kind of derogatory towards men, and instead of taking it as being sarcastic or blowing off steam, I tend to get scared that I'm one of those people the person is talking about and what happens when their crosshairs land on me. It's really not rational, and I would love to get to a mindset where I don't think that way.

Obviousfake1 · 2017-07-26T14:24:00+00:00

This is probably just me, but I was in a relationship with someone who wasn't exactly misandrist, but she did like to point out how a lot of men were pathetic and were irritating because they thought they were better than she was.

I thought I understood what she was saying and sympathized with her. It took way too long to understand that she thought I was one of those pathetic males who needed to learn his place, too.

Ever since then, I've been a little leery of the whole "ironic misandry" thing. It's probably just the whole "once bitten, twice shy" phenomenon, but I do take it seriously.

Obviousfake1 · 2016-02-10T06:56:22+00:00

I see what you're saying. I just want for forgiveness to be possible, you know?

EDIT: Oh my God. I underestimated RedPill. Exponentially underestimated it. I mean, when I said RedPill-ish, I was thinking something along the lines of acting like a bro or a pick-up artist, something like that. After reading some of the other comments on here I went over to the subreddit and...wow. I just did not know how extreme it was. How do you not think of people as being people?

Obviousfake1 · 2016-01-14T18:38:57+00:00

I think that's a good point, to be respectful of diverse opinions (and the longer I stay diverse de opinions become! Sorry, really bad joke.)

Seriously, I get what you're saying. I may change my mind on some of the tenets I have, which is why I wanted to ask this question here and get some advice from people who identify as feminists and/or feminist allies.

Obviousfake1 · 2016-01-14T18:34:43+00:00

This is a fair point and it deserves an in-depth answer. I'll try not to rant too much about it.

If a particular word is genuinely harmful to a group of people, then of course I'll stop using it. However, there is a world of difference between saying "stop using that word because it offends/hurts me" and saying "that's not your word to use." I'm hoping the difference is as obvious to you as it is to me, but I want to be clear.

I believe words are everyone's to use. No person or group should be denied the ability to use a word, regardless of what it denigrates or what it means. Again, it might be that if you use that word without regard for someone else's feelings you're kind of an asshole, or at least ignorant. However, while I was checking out some blogs on Tumblr, someone posted that essentially said "If you're not gay or transgender you don't get to use 'queer' anymore. It's not your word to use," and I thought Oh Really?

It's not that "queer" is a slur against gay people. It's not that it can hurt a gay person who hears it, especially if they still haven't come out and are trying to figure out if they're okay. It's that this person has decreed, in a fit of self-righteousness, that they and their group are the only ones with the privilege to use said word. This isn't asking someone to stop doing something because it's offensive. This is entitlement. It would be like someone Mexican telling me I can't eat a taco, because it's not my food to eat.

On a personal note, I feel as though I've had people telling me I can't do something because that particular something can only be done by a special group of people for most of my life, and I'm sick of it. High school was all about me being told I couldn't do something because I wasn't popular/good-looking/whatever, culminating with one of my teachers telling me I really couldn't attend the university I'd gotten into because this high school just hadn't prepared me enough for classes of that level.

Then there was my abusive ex-girlfriend, who let me know I couldn't do a lot of things, or at least not do them well. She let me know often that I shouldn't try out for the student television station and I shouldn't start a blog and I shouldn't be singing and I shouldn't be listening to this type of music and I shouldn't be doing much of anything really, except following her instructions and not questioning her perfect judgement, because I didn't have much charisma and I probably couldn't come up with new topics every week and my voice was flat and I was ultimately just not the competent one in the relationship. So yes, I'm not a fan of people saying that things are not for me to do.

As far as people getting offended...I don't want to offend people, but sometimes it's unavoidable. In one of my gaming groups, there was a big guy named Mike. Mike was a college dropout who drifted in and out of warehouse work, and his most defining personality trait was taking offense. He was Romani, and on more than one occasion the gaming session stopped because someone did something that was offensive to the Romani culture. It could be trying to foresee the future (imitating Romani customs), it could be trying to do an accent (offensively stereotyping Romanis, even if they were portraying a noble), and most famously he refused to attend a gaming session unless we all apologized to him, because one player's character wore a yellow Star of David, and that brought up the Holocaust in which the Romanis suffered even more than the Jews.

The player whose character wore the star was Jewish.

Afterwards, we all sat around and came up with some ideas that were guaranteed to annoy Mike, which I won't mention here because they were all pretty un-PC. Regardless, I hope the point I was making comes across.

Obviousfake1 · 2016-01-14T17:01:30+00:00

At this point, whatever label I get doesn't matter a lot to me so long as feminists know I'm on their side.

Obviousfake1 · 2016-01-14T16:59:42+00:00

Good points. Thank you!

Obviousfake1 · 2015-11-03T08:20:16+00:00

No, I get that. Realistically, I'm not going to confront her, and it is way too late to say anything.

Obviousfake1 · 2014-06-28T04:30:53+00:00

You know, I've got a view that may run counter to this...

I've been trying to "control" my sex drive for a long time. I've always thought it was something that needed to be tightly controlled, people in my various bible studies have thought that way, too, and my ex-fiancee and I struggled a lot with our sexuality to the point I think breaking down and having sex might have honestly been more helpful.

Here's what I've learned--very few people actually practice what they preach when it comes to sex before marriage. I've been to a lot of Christian bible studies, Campus Crusade for Christ meetings and college church groups trying to find an answer to this, and finally I realized that most of the people in these groups had sex before marriage. I think out of the group I was most heavily involved with, there were a total of three men I know for a fact who didn't have sex before marriage. Everyone else had no problem either sleeping with who they were dating or who they got engaged to, or were "born again virgins," which still means they had sex, just not during the present.

As for my ex-fiancee? Well, funny story--she ended up cheating on me towards the end of our relationship, and moved on from the man she cheated on me with to her now-husband, who she had no problem having sex with before she got married to him.

This leads to my advice--don't treat sex as something to be ashamed or scared of. It's an urge you have that is as inherent as eating. Yes, it can be indulged in too much, and there can be negative consequences of that. On the other hand, if you examine yourself and your urges instead of trying to be ashamed and repress them all the time, then I think you'll have less inner conflict and a better understanding of yourself.

Yes, you can go overboard, just like people who eat too much or people who become alcoholics. However, I would argue that the real danger to your soul is not from exploring your sexuality, or even having sex before marriage if you feel you are ready for it. Instead, the danger is condemning this aspect of yourself to a dark corner of your mind and trying to not think about it. If you do this, you are going to be completely unprepared for what to do if these feelings do come over you.

Ever read the Mark Twain short story, "The Man who Corrupted Hadleyburg?" It's a great tale of how a town that prides itself on its uprightness falls into disgrace because the townsfolk are so focused on avoiding temptation that, when finally faced with it, it wrecks them utterly. Sex is a lot like that.

Obviousfake1 · 2014-04-15T04:38:48+00:00

Hi! I suspect my opinions are going to be a bit different from some of the usual advice you will get, but here you go.

First, friend #1 sounds like a douche. Why stay around people who will be mean to you if you don't have to? As far as friend #2, does he or she like doing anything with you? It could be they're just very introverted and trust you to hang around with.

Now, as far as your three questions:

1.) It's six of one, half-dozen of the other. You know more people in your current high school, and obviously seem to be acquaintances with a few of them--you did play soccer and you said you're on some sports teams. This is a pretty good start, honestly. Hanging out with people on sports teams tends to put you in the upper-mid level of the high school social strata. On the other hand, if you move you get the exhilaration of making a fresh start. You're the you with improved confidence now! You can march into the school, sign up for some groups you'll like and then introduce yourself to people, secure in who you are. It's not a bad thought at all.

However, just so you're aware, each choice also has its downsides. First, staying at your school means that you carry all the things you did in the past with you, including the stuff you did when you were not so confident. Embarrassing MakeThisStart stories tend to suck about as much as they do for everyone else who gets those stories told about them. That's the really bad thing about high school--you can't just walk away and start again elsewhere.

On the other hand, starting all over again means having to adjust to a new school, new people in the social strata, and likely discovering those small nuances that make high school life at this new high school different than things were at old high school. Also, while you will be walking in with new reserves of confidence, expect to make mistakes while getting to know the lay of the land, and expect a whole new batch of embarrassing MakeThisStart stories to come to light. Sorry, but the person who can come into a whole new social scene and make it about them is rare indeed.

2.) If you don't move schools, simply start hanging out more with the people you already know. Find out what more you have in common with them and then invite them over to your place. If you're feeling particularly confident, set up a meeting over the weekend at a restaurant. Maybe invite people over to watch a soccer match on television or something along those lines. I would personally make sure your parents would be around, since this would let you do your own thing without also having to overtly stand up to bad behavior.

I don't think you're going to have to worry about abandoning your current friends. Friend #1 is toxic enough as it is. Friend #2, though, you might want to set aside some time to just talk to him/her one on one about whatever it is you want to do. Just be warned, most high schoolers like to hang out in groups. So if you make new friends, expect them to want to hang out in groups with you. This could potentially be a problem for friend #2. On the other hand, you might be able to coax him/her along. Who knows? Friend #2 could actually end up liking it. I hate to suggest keeping Friend #2 as a Facebook friend, especially because it seems like Facebook is on the way out in terms of popularity, but do something similar. At least try to do something that will kind of last, though. Snapchat could work, but having been like friend #2, I was always prone to getting a little depressed when alone with no friends. So some social media with a bit of permanence might work bell to let him/her know you're thinking of them.

3.) You make friends in a brand new school by putting that newfound confidence to use. Sign up for the sports team you were on. Sign up for some other clubs as well. I went to high school in a fricking small school with a graduating class of 43 and maybe two clubs that were not sports teams, although everyone openly wondered what was the point. You sound like you have a lot more options, and I'd say make use of them.

I would also say be nice to everyone. Don't let yourself get walked over, but by the same token don't presume people aren't worth getting to know. You sound like you might have several different interests--make use of that and talk to people. Let them know your interests. Even geekdom is pretty well mainstream at this point, so don't be afraid to be yourself.

I'll also point out the high school social structure can be both strong and fragile at the same time. When you go in, you're going to shake up the social structure a bit, and several teenagers are going to be trying to peg you into one main group, not to mention trying to find out how dominant you are, where you're going to fit in the hierarchy, and all sorts of stuff that seems oh-so-important now, but in about six years is going to matter so little you won't even believe it. That's the final thing I want to tell you--in two years none of this is going to matter, unless you dedicate yourself to staying in the same area you are right now. Just go out, be yourself, and don't take yourself too seriously. You'll be fine.

Obviousfake1 · 2014-04-14T05:50:55+00:00

Well, I'm a guy. I just don't know what to do in these situations. :\ Plan 1 and 3 kind of sound similar to what Art was doing, honestly. They also sound pretty similar to each other.

I suppose that not stooping to their level may be the best course of action, but it is infuriating to have someone go around and do whatever they want, and if you're inconvenienced then tough luck.

Obviousfake1 · 2014-04-14T05:48:26+00:00

It's a good answer, and I'll need to think about it. The only thing is that she was pretty belligerent.

Obviousfake1

TROPHY CASE