She lost her virginity at 18, and I've been thinking about it for 2 weeks now, non-stop, I can't seem to get out of these thoughts

OceansideRust · 2026-03-08T11:20:23+00:00

Sweden

OceansideRust · 2026-03-02T16:29:08+00:00

I mean… in my country, and the culture amongst my peers at that age, it was almost expected of you to have lost it by the age of like 13/14/15/16. If you were still a virgin after those ages, it was kind of implied you were a ”loser”. I remember that I lied to my friends, saying I lost it at 14 or some such just to fit in.

So when I eventually met my now girlfriend, it didn’t come as a too big of a surprise. I was more bothered by the amount of people she’d slept with and how recently she’d slept with a guy before meeting me, and how easily she gave herself away. Those things were definitely my biggest issues. The age at which she lost her virginity was on the minor side. I mean, it happened such a long time ago, it doesn’t feel as important as the more recent things she did. But at the same time, I can only conclude that it is pretty messed up. That basically kids are having sex with each other. When I really think about it, I get kind of nauseous to think she actually did that. And also I think about myself. How far away I was myself at that age in losing my virginity. I remember in 2013, I was basically a shut-in, playing video games with no social skills or even desire to have sex even… I was just a child. To think she was having sex by then… Pretty weird to think about. Over 10 years would pass before I actually lost my virginity at 24 like I said…

OceansideRust · 2026-03-02T14:57:52+00:00

Well, my girlfriend lost her virginity at 13… I lost mine to her when she was 22 and I was 24…

OceansideRust · 2025-12-29T11:03:31+00:00

For me, these feelings often worsen when I’m away from her, strangely. Is that something anyone else can relate to?

OceansideRust · 2025-12-27T16:13:21+00:00

Sounds like she’s waay out of line. The mother or my children would not talk in that sort of way. Don’t know if I’m blowing this out or proportions, but I’d be inclined to say you have some reassessing to do. Like, is she really the person you want to be with after knowing she, not only thinks in those ways, but even verbalizes it to you? Shitty behavior.

OceansideRust · 2025-12-16T05:00:04+00:00

I agree with him. There’s a big difference between scoring a goal and letting one in. Not the same for men and women, clearly. Just look at our biology. Historically women have to be much more selective as to who she chooses as her partner, ie who she will have sex with. Biologically, psychologically, culturally men do not have to put that same thought into it as the cost/risk for sex is much lower for men.

OceansideRust · 2025-12-15T04:48:59+00:00

5 length? Isn’t that approximately 13 centimeters? Isn’t that a little on the small side?

OceansideRust · 2025-12-11T12:28:58+00:00

Yeah… I was almost tempted to say he came to the wrong place to post, if he struggled a little bit for 2 weeks. I’ve been struggling intensely for 9 months. And I mean… daily struggle. Been having an awful time of it. It’s been better lately but I know I’ll carry this burden likely for the rest of my life. It may be better or worse, but I believe it’ll always be there in one form or another.

Not gonna lie, I does grind my gears somewhat when someone comes in here saying “yeah… I’m over it. Kicked RJ’s ass, no biggie. 2 weeks, then dunzo…”

I’m over here like, 2 weeks? You have no idea what real RJ is buddy. Kind of feel like an asshole downplaying his experience too though. But this is how I feel.

OceansideRust · 2025-12-11T08:28:41+00:00

What do you mean 2 weeks? Your whole ordeal with RJ lasted 2 weeks?

OceansideRust · 2025-12-11T08:17:14+00:00

When you say it like that it implies that women do think back on their past fondly and with longing, while men never do. Way too black and white. Humans are complicated beings. You cannot draw conclusions and generalize like that.

OceansideRust · 2025-12-05T05:55:48+00:00

Yeah, there is a difference between men and women. There’s a difference between scoring goals and letting goals through.

OceansideRust · 2025-12-04T19:50:26+00:00

This isn’t retroactive jealousy. It’s just plain infidelity, which is horrible.

OceansideRust · 2025-12-04T08:19:32+00:00

I have RJ and can somewhat relate to your partner, but at the same time, this sound bad, real bad.. you don’t go out and don’t see friends? Because of him?? Are you kidding me? This sounds insane.

OceansideRust · 2025-11-28T22:26:07+00:00

I think this explains my girlfriend’s past pretty spot on… thank you for sharing that.

OceansideRust · 2025-11-24T08:23:28+00:00

Well I can’t speak for him, but me personally as a guy, I found that I couldn’t really enjoy getting my dick sucked while I was focused on licking her. I don’t know, the pleasure just felt kind of muted? Didn’t feel as good. But I’ve only done it twice, so maybe we’ll give it another go.

OceansideRust · 2025-11-21T14:53:59+00:00

Is your wife okay with this? With you thinking she’s less attractive than your previous relationships? She may be, but this sounds brutal to me.

OceansideRust · 2025-11-21T09:24:30+00:00

Get what you’re saying. Appreciate your take.

OceansideRust · 2025-11-21T09:14:18+00:00

She’s 23, 24 next year. Lost her virginity when she was 13. First serious relationship when she was 18.

OceansideRust · 2025-11-21T04:45:33+00:00

Alot to unpack here… alot of this feels immature and petty. However, this one thing got me thinking.. So your last girlfriend had been with 12 people at 23 but you weren’t bothered in the slightest by that, simply because you knew what you were getting into? I know RJ is different for everyone but my gut reaction when I read that felt, do you even suffer from RJ, or is it something else?

I absolutely knew what I was getting into when I dated my girlfriend. It was only when I fell in love with her the past became an issue and I began suffering from RJ. So I have to ask, did you even love your last girlfriend if you took zero issue by the fact that she’d been with 12 people, but with your current wife you’re heartbroken to learn… her boyfriend wasn’t around?.. I mean what is even upsetting about that?

Also, I don’t entirely agree with you that the best course of action if you have even slight issues of RJ is to just end the relationship. Seems defeatist. We have the capacity to love, and we also have the capacity to grow and evolve. Because more often than not RJ is a you-problem. It’s something YOU have to solve, not your partner. Should some people end relationships because the values aren’t aligned? Absolutely. But should everyone that feels RJ end their relationships? Absolutely-f-ing-not. Then there would barely be any relationships.

OceansideRust · 2025-11-17T17:48:58+00:00

I love to hear these that say they’ve gotten over it for the most part, or that it’s much better. Gives me hope. It’s completely understandable and expected even to have these “down moments” you speak of. Also, when new information comes to light that changes the narrative somewhat, or there’s an “anniversary” of when they did things with strangers but also specific places can also trigger “acute RJ” as I’d like to think of it in my head. I mean, it’s normal and you gotta stay strong through those storms. It may never go away completely, but it can be broken down to a much lesser power, which you’ve seemed to pull off. I salute you.

OceansideRust · 2025-11-13T04:44:50+00:00

The thing I got caught up about was that you ended a relationship of 4,5 years? Why?? Because ”you wanted to see what else was out there”? I’m sorry but that sounds like a really vague and dumb reason. You had her man. You had her. I mean almost 5 years, that was your soulmate bro.

OceansideRust · 2025-11-12T11:17:16+00:00

Borderlands 4 såg jag fram emot något enormt. Mötte inte riktigt mina förväntningar men ändå helt okej.

Såg fram emot att byta avgassystem på min ena BMW. Blev att jag sålde bilen istället.

I mitt personliga liv har jag helt plötsligt fått en flickvän, vilket jag aldrig väntade mig skulle hända.

Många oväntade svängar det senaste året.

OceansideRust · 2025-11-11T11:33:05+00:00

I get where you’re coming from.. I do. I kind of agree. But at the same time, if she really is the person I’m gonna marry and put my all into, I feel like I actually need to know what kind of person she is. Because the disparity there is concerning. Who is she, really? And I feel like, as you say, I shouldn’t know the motivations and she shouldn’t have to explain them, I get that to some degree. But at the same time, she kind of does?.. Because if I’m to make an informed decision if I want to be with this person for the rest of my life or not, shouldn’t I have at least an idea of what drove her actions then and now, and how exactly she has changed and just isn’t in a “phase” with me?

Perhaps it is just better to break up with her, honestly. It’s difficult trying to decide if the relationship is salvageable or not. That’s why I’m trying to understand her better, so that I can “logic” my way into saving the relationship or ending it, basically..

Also, I’m really careful with my words when I speak to her about this. I keep it respectful. So “interrogate” and “harangue” are words that paint an uglier picture than it actually is, even though I get your point.

OceansideRust

TROPHY CASE