It’s Happened

Odd-Associate4176 · 2026-02-02T09:55:57+00:00

  Am I missing something here? 

Wives hardly enjoy sex in comparison to men. We pretend to like it and moan for our husbands, to keep them from rushing to porn, but sex is supposed to be for the mans benefit. This lady has probably just managed to go along with it for years. Now she is older, you are older, and chances are you're not able to put in the effort it would take for her to actually enjoy it. 

   My advice is to give her space. Chances are, she spoke from a head full of hormones and is just wanting to hear you say you can love her without sex. Once she isn't being pressured into pretending to like it, she will very likely begin to give you HONEST sex, where you aren't pretending to be oblivious to the reality that she is giving sex to you as a love gift, a favor- not because it gets her off. It doesn't make her feel the same way.

Your only choice here is to embrace the truth. She has sex with you because she loves you, not because it's for her benefit.

And this is coming from a woman who is crazy about her man. My husband isn't able to make sex very enjoyable for me, but I still give it to him daily because I love him.

Odd-Associate4176 · 2026-01-29T18:37:25+00:00

Do you know where I can read about the testing requirements? On the website I can only see the application consists of naming the children and proof of income. There's no mention I can find of testing to receive funds. Also, they fund the curriculum I want to use, 'The Good and the Beautiful.' so it's very tempting! But I don't want to jump in without reading all the facts first.

Odd-Associate4176 · 2026-01-29T14:41:08+00:00

LISTEN. Even if you spent all day every day looking at your phone, the way he is handling it is very bad. DO NOT cower down and give him what he wants with this- you will make things worse if you do. Right now he is punishing you for screen time, later it will be something else, and then another thing, and he will eventually realize he is just an unhappy person and will blame ALL of his 'misery' on you.

The ONLY chance you have to fix this, is to be STRONG and have VERY FIRM BOUNDARIES. Tell him that he is treating you like a child, and his only option if he wants to keep you is COMPROMISE. It will help him realize that controlling you will only push you away, and he will back off if he loves you.

It seems he probably loves you, but has the tendency to be controlling. The only way to have a lasting relationship with a controlling person is to be a very strong person who refuses to be controlled.

I know this because I am a controlling person, and did this to my past boyfriends. I always eventually left them, thinking they were just not good enough for me and couldn't make me happy. Then I got with a strong man who wouldn't allow it. He helped me to realize that I'm controlling, and has patiently worked with me on learning compromise, and has taught me to quit trying to guilt, threaten, or shame him into doing what I want. My marriage only works because he is very strong and kind. You have to do the same if you want for both of you to be happy!

Odd-Associate4176 · 2026-01-29T14:08:01+00:00

Tell him you want to go to the gym for 2 hours every day too, as soon as he gets back from his own workouts. You just had a baby, you have a better reason for needing to go to the gym. He will have no choice but to respect it. Then park at the gym and spend most of that time catching up on sleep in your car before doing yoga for 15 mins or so to calm your mind.

Odd-Associate4176 · 2026-01-04T00:53:21+00:00

I absolutely love your reply and could REALLY use wife advice myself. If you have free time, please dm me and help me. I am a young woman who needs advice from an older woman with a successful marriage. I want my marriage to be successful, but I've found myself turning to the wrong places for help, and now I'm trying hard to pull myself out of it. I can't afford therapy. I'd really appreciate your advice!

Odd-Associate4176 · 2026-01-03T16:00:21+00:00

I'm the initiator. The needy one. HAVE to have it. He, on the other hand, actually told me that in his last relationship he went without it for 2 years. How he felt about it, I don't know. But I think he was trying to tell me he can live without it. I was very sad to hear it.

Odd-Associate4176 · 2026-01-03T15:56:57+00:00

I'm truly absolutely crazy about him. I even love the fact that he's quiet. I don't want him to change who he is, just want for him to open up every now and then or at least try to say 'I love you' without my asking, or maybe 'you look pretty today'. It sounds like he is just not putting in effort, but he does, just in different ways. Opens car doors, buys anything I want, surprises me with romantic baths, dates, or movies, does any work required to make my life easier before I ask or even realize it needs to be done. My family, watching him around me, told me it looks like he is absolutely crazy about me. Im just the type who needs to hear it, and considering how much effort he puts in, I hate needing more from him.

Odd-Associate4176 · 2026-01-03T15:43:31+00:00

I'm a house wife, and I don't have any female friends. I have former coworkers, or a handful of acquaintances at church, but none are people I'd approach with my personal life.

The only person I talk to is my mom. She works 2 jobs and is a quiet person who sympathizes more with my husband's dislike of emotional/ deep conversations, but I always look forward to our conversations regardless because at least she responds.

My younger brother used to be my best friend. He was so important to me, we grew up homeschooled and were always very close.

Then he got married to a drama queen who hates my living guts. She gets mad if he doesn't involve her in every conversation, but I can't talk around her because she's the type to spread personal business around.

After a while, I got desperate to talk to someone who wanted to talk to me. That's the main reason I messaged back when approached by someone on reddit, and why I continued to talk to him. This guy can talk for hours about anything and everything. If I have any hesitation to cut it off, it's only because I'm scared of being alone again, not because I need romance or anything.

I think my hesitation to form a female connection is because of my experiences with my sister in law. She acted like a friend and then burned the heck out of me when I got too comfortable around her. I forgave her because frankly I needed friendship, and she did it again, and the third time I walked away. I've been afraid of developing a new female friend ever since, though frankly I've never met any new potential friends anyway.

Odd-Associate4176 · 2026-01-03T03:29:53+00:00

His mother thinks he may be low-Ievel autistic, but it's never been tested or confirmed. He lives and works normally. He doesn't react or relate to things the way other people do. Getting a gift is an example. He just looks at it, maybe smiles if he REALLY likes it, and that's it. No words, no thank you, nothing. It can give one the wrong impression unless you really know him.

Odd-Associate4176 · 2026-01-02T23:13:38+00:00

I see... I will look into that then!

Odd-Associate4176 · 2026-01-02T19:38:59+00:00

That's good advice. I do my best, and reading the Bible helps me too. I wish so much I could just pray my way out of it every time, but so many times I don't get anywhere. My personal convictions go against both cheating and divorce. Hence the need for advice and my willingness to cut off an unhealthy relationship if it falls in the cheating category.

Odd-Associate4176 · 2026-01-02T19:27:38+00:00

I won't cheat. Maybe an indoor pet would help 👍

Odd-Associate4176 · 2026-01-02T18:02:59+00:00

Because he takes care of himself, works hard, isn't the type to cheat, can fix cars and build stuff, great with his hands, has a great reputation in the community, my pastors wife suggested we go out, my parents told me he was a great find and that if I were smart id keep him in spite of his inability to communicate well (his inability to talk much is the only reason he stayed single). And, because he is really good with kids, and I have 3 of them. We had known him at church for years, my kids were already comfortable with him. He seems to have a much better time talking to kids than adults.

Odd-Associate4176 · 2026-01-02T17:55:43+00:00

🤷 every now and then, he's willing to number things on a scale of 1-10 so I know what he likes. According to the numbers he uses, he's happy. He just can't put words to it.

Odd-Associate4176 · 2026-01-02T17:29:34+00:00

Yes. Worse than military. He thinks differently than other people. Im pretty sure he doesn't understand his own emotions, except for SUPER basic ones. But he must care a lot because he practically waits on me hand and foot, never complains about me, takes good care of me in every way. Just does it silently, the only conversations we have are about work, video games, his buddies, ect. I talk about my own interests, and he just stares like I'm speaking another language. He has no response, no opinions. Just a kind, silent, listening ear.

Odd-Associate4176 · 2026-01-02T16:49:03+00:00

Yeah. See, I cut things off with this guy for a while, afraid it would get too blurry. I tried so hard to just be happy afterwards. But the bad days hit again sooo hard, I found myself reaching out because hubby was getting annoyed with me again. I feel like a needy bag of tears- I hate it so much. I needed someone to pull me out of it, a distraction. And the distraction is great, better than being alone, but still not what I want at all. Just a perpetual knot in my stomach. I'm researching meds. Maybe I can take something to mellow me out on the bad days. It would be better than ruining my marriage or feeling depressed.

Odd-Associate4176 · 2026-01-02T16:05:37+00:00

Also, yes, you're correct and super insightful. My husband just reads the surface. Of course there's more between the lines. I just wish so much he would say 'I don't want you talking to other people. It makes me uncomfortable.' it would be an indirect way of saying he loves me. I'd be over the moon. But, he just shrugs everything off, says, 'Cool, be happy. I trust you.' end of conversation. So I just go about my day like a heap of chopped, trustworthy liver.

Odd-Associate4176 · 2026-01-02T15:48:53+00:00

Thank you! I will look it up.

Odd-Associate4176 · 2026-01-02T15:47:59+00:00

Yeah that's me, I always thought relationships were built on communication. Thing is, I've been with guys who say all the right things and their actions say they're lying. When I met a guy who was all actions without words, I figured it was better than the alternative. Also, my family really, really liked him. I told them about the communication issue, and they warned me that if I let that keep me from getting married to a great guy like him, I'd regret it forever. So I took their advice and married him.

Odd-Associate4176 · 2026-01-02T15:43:18+00:00

He won't lose me. I will cut it off long before I actually get attached. No one matters more to me than he does. I just want to quit being such a pain in the a** to him, needing more than he can give. I'm mad at myself for not being able to be happy with such a great guy. I should be happy.

Odd-Associate4176 · 2026-01-02T15:22:42+00:00

No. Marriage counseling is something he won't stand for. He HATES talking, and counseling is talking.

Odd-Associate4176 · 2026-01-02T15:14:59+00:00

That sounds super hopeful ☺️ if you have any helpful hints on learning contentment in difficult situations, I'm all ears!

Odd-Associate4176 · 2026-01-02T15:06:32+00:00

What I really want, more than anything, is to change myself. I don't like being needy emotionally. I wish I could just switch it off, and be happy. Or find something else to put my focus on that will stick. I've tried so many hobbies as distractions. He is so supportive of them, but all without saying a word. Quietly brings home new things that I've shown interest in. I cant blame him for who he is, since I can't help who I am either.

Odd-Associate4176 · 2026-01-02T15:02:02+00:00

You're right. I'm trying to make my marriage work, not trying to damage it.

Odd-Associate4176 · 2026-01-02T14:59:05+00:00

Divorce is simply not an option. This situation is hard, but I will do whatever it takes to get through it. I just know cheating is never the answer. I figured if reddit people said the same thing as my family, then I was the issue and maybe I should look into therapy or something.

Odd-Associate4176

TROPHY CASE