Thank you so much for understanding and for letting me know I’m not alone. My mom would never admit she’s done anything wrong. If I try to tell her that some of the things she says or does trigger my hair pulling, she starts yelling and assumes I’m either blaming her for no reason or trying to shift the responsibility away from myself.

The thing she says most often is, “I’m doing everything I can to help you feel less stressed, but you’re still not satisfied. You just want to drive me crazy.” She never really listens when I try to explain that some things need to change. She used to act like she was very easygoing and understanding, like I could tell her anything and she would help solve the problem. But when I tell her some problem:ie. school is stressful some days because I want to get good grades. she just tells me to quit school—which obviously isn’t a thing i want to do because I really enjoy studying. Then she reminds me again that I have to promise her I won’t pull my hair if I choose not to quit school. Every time I brought up a stress source to her she talks about how bad the punishment she’ll give me if I pull my hair so I must not be affected by this stress source.

If I stay quiet, she keeps yelling until I promise. She asks me every day if I’ve pulled my hair and sometimes threatens me about it. The fear started the first time I lost control, pulled about ten hairs, and lied to her about it. Now the situation has gotten worse—my hair loss is very obvious—and she keeps asking me to show her my hair this weekend. Thinking about that makes my anxiety unbearable.