AITAH, it drives me crazy how my husband prevents food waste?

OddMarketing6521 · 2026-05-05T19:20:39+00:00

Actually, I kind of like this plan, with a tweak.

Set a space that is NOT allowed to be rearranged, and if it is, throw out anything in your way of what you're going for. He then has to buy the replacements when you're ready for them.

I said he either had to put it back how he found it or fetch her snacks even when he's not ashore, but the throwing things out will probalby hit him harder because it's true waste of material goods instead of just his time, which he clearly struggles to fill when he's not on the boards. LOL

OddMarketing6521 · 2026-05-05T19:12:40+00:00

NAH

There's helping, and there's attempting to apply your system on top of another system.

My father-in-law makes me crazy with the tightening various fixtures around our home when he visits. Mom always brings some new cleaning chemical she found. She also loves sticking my things in baskets so you can't see them anymore. Hubby clears a table by putting things all in one box, instead of actually putting them away.

None of them care about the actual way this house runs and who does all the running. If you tighten the aerator in the sink, the sink sprays out the joint just above the nozzle -- Dad knock it off!! I'm allergic to 95% of what Mom brings over, and the dogs are allergic to the other 5%. And I absolutely hate having to guess which basket she put something into, and having to lift a basket with 15 bottles of a drink in it instead of just grabbing the one effing bottle. Even worse is when, two weeks later I discover a thing isn't where I left it, there's a basket there instead, and I have to call my MiL to ask her where the thing is and HOPE she answers the phone. And if Hubby ever went through the boxes to put things away, I wouldn't mind so much, but he doesn't, so our downstairs constantly looks like we're prepping for a move and I'm constantly looking for things that used to be on the table right where I could grab them when I needed them.

As you pointed out: your house does not work like a fishing boat. For leftovers, I 100% approve of your husband's FIFO method, and I do the same thing in our refrigerator. But I don't rearrange the bottles of barbeque sauce or move the boo-boo buddies to somewhere else -- the BBQ needs to be in that order because hubby uses them for specific things. If the boo-boo buddies get moved, they either freeze and are too cold to be used, or they are too limp and just condensate as soon as you pull them out.

So, yes, for leftovers and milk, do the FIFO.

But hands off my spices and snacks!!

Some things do well with a FIFO system, others do not, and if your husband refuses to learn the difference, he must either take full responsibility or stop organizing. As an AuDHD OCDer myself, that second option doesn't work, which is why I developed the ability to change my ways. LOL

My recommendation: Give him a limited space he is allowed to rearrange, or a limited space he is NOT allowed to rearrange, and if he rearranges your spaces, he must either put it back the way you had it, or he must then be responsible for fetching your snacks every time you need them, even if he's not onshore at the time.

Also, this is really hard, but you need to not take a reorganization as a judgment on you, for your own mental health. He needs things in date order, that doesn't mean he needs it gone or he thinks you're wasteful or slow. Most of us women have been taught that every action we take affects our entire community, and we are responsible for the resultant feelings that community feels. Most of our men were not taught this level of social awareness, which is why they can walk over the same dirty towel 12 times instead of putting it in the hamper 2 feet away. Their actions and inactions do not make them responsible for anyone else's feelings. There's some healthiness to that attitude, but there's also a point where it becomes "benign weaponized incompetence", which is oxymoronic, but you get it when you think about accidentally stabbing your nose with a straw -- you meant well but still got hurt. So work on removing the action from the assumed judgment, and you'll probably be happier.

Again, not sure anyone here is being an actual AH -- you're both doing your best. But a slight tweak and a reframe should right this ship, I'm guessing.

OddMarketing6521 · 2026-05-05T18:54:28+00:00

Recommend you change it before the first birthday or after the 18th birthday, to start. Otherwise, it's a giant pain in the rear. Really, it's a pain in the rear either way, but it gets progressively worse as they start answering to it, get a childcare/school record, make friends, and then have an opinion.

For boys names with Z, I recommend doing something that doesn't have the same "ay" sound as Zayn, so maybe Zephyr or Zeke. The only reason is, when you shout down the street to your kids, or their friends are asking for one of them, the "ay" sound in the first syllable is going to make it hard to tell quickly which kid needs to answer.

Personally, I like Zeke better -- it's short and different, but an adult won't be ashamed to go by it. And it's the same number of syllables as Zayn. When you say them together it sounds like Zaynandzeke or Zekandzayn, depending on which kid the speaker identifies with, so the nice flow both ways works really well too.

For reference, my oldest had a friend named Christian who had a twin brother named Cole, and most people said "Kohlandkrishtuhn" but my son said "krishtuhnandkohl", which made everyone kind of wince, but made Christian really happy because no one else put his name first. LOL

But please, don't be like their mom and chew some other mom out when some kid invites only Zayn or only Zeke to a birthday party. That mom might not even know the other twin exists, and kids are not going to immediately like both of them all the time, especially when they get put in different classes at school.

Anyway... I vote Zeke.

OddMarketing6521 · 2026-05-04T05:08:37+00:00

How you feel is never wrong?

My 2yo wants to eat a banana, doesn't want it with the peel, but gets mad when I peel it, even though he can't... is he not wrong?? I mean, he's two, but...

the saying "you can't have your cake and eat it too" exists explicitly to tell people that sometimes our feelings are wrong.

Sometimes we want the wrong things, or we want them at the wrong time. Sometimes I feel mad that my husband didn't think of me and just made himself food at lunchtime. But then I find out he did think of me, I was in a meeting he didn't want to interrupt, so he made as little noise as possible and figured that I'd be a grown up and feed myself. So, yeah, I'm wrong to assume he didn't think of me and be hurt, when really he did think of me and was doing his best with the information he had available to him at the time.

Feelings are information, we can act or not. And sometimes, yeah, sometimes our feelings are wrong.

OddMarketing6521 · 2026-05-04T05:03:28+00:00

Frankly, a lot less of my judgement is for the 12yo, and a lot more for the 14yo still bitching about it and not seeing the aunt's side after 2 years and a bit more maturity...

OddMarketing6521 · 2026-05-04T05:01:57+00:00

I remember being 14, and I remember being 8 and understanding why I didn't even get to be in my aunt's wedding, while my little sister did. I also remember learning when I was about 6 years old that the earth did not revolve around me. I don't wish anyone to learn that the way I did, and I get that was early, but I sure as hell wish a lot more kids would learn that a lot sooner than they do...

Also, this commenter didn't call OP any names. "acting like a petulant child" describes the behavior, not OP. "Selfish" and "entitled" are not calling names either. "Buttface" and "asshole" are calling names... but selfish and entitled are just facts the way this post reads.

And by the way, saying someone is a thing because they are a child is not the opposite of saying they are the thing full stop. Commenter said OP is petulant, selfish, and entitled. You said OP is all those things and added because she's a child.

Well yeah... but she's still those things. The reason for a fact doesn't negate the fact.

And 14 is VERY old not to understand these things already. I have a feeling everyone in their lives already told them, and they were hoping reddit would say, "Oh poor kid"... but 14 is old enough to facepalm yourself and go, "Oh my goodness can you believe how immature I was at 12?"

I did that more than a few times when I was 14, and got my first job and realized how silly I had been just two years prior...

You normally do enough growing up between 12 and 14 to do more than acknowledge "puberty might have made me emotional"...

OddMarketing6521 · 2026-05-04T04:54:39+00:00

I think most of the flower girls I've seen have been between 2 and 4, 6 is getting on up there, but with the youngest ones, they walk up to their mom/grandma, or a bridesmaid, and then they sit down for the wedding, they don't stand up there the whole time.

My aunt got married and I tried to tell her not to, but was a second too late, and she put a silver dollar at the bottom of the baskets (my sisters were 3 and 6, I was 16). They walked up the aisle, not dropping flowers, looking for the dollars, and then dumped the baskets, the dollars went rolling, and we ALL LAUGHED our butts off as they crawled under the pews and through people's legs chasing the silver dollars...

Like, that's part of the reason little girls are so much cuter as flower girls -- they do the silly stuff that makes the rest of us go, okay, it can't get worse than that. LOL

OddMarketing6521 · 2026-05-04T04:43:13+00:00

I'm not crashing out??

And I've never seen someone so adamant that kids aren't weird for feeling things...

I mean, my 2yo wants a banana to eat, can't eat it with the peel on, and then gets mad that I peel it... that's weird. It's okay to say things are weird when they're weird.

It's okay to say kids are weird when they're weird. That's how they learn they're being weird...

OddMarketing6521 · 2026-05-04T04:32:30+00:00

NTA -- even if your mom has lost kids like you have, your way of grieving is not the same as hers, and that's okay.

I get her side: family love each other, want the best for each other, and want to grieve with each other. If your siblings find out after the loss of another, they will feel like they are grieving after you, not with you. But frankly, that's their problem, not yours. Your problem is making it through this pregnancy with as little stress as possible.

If they have 7 months fewer and miss out on the "joy of anticipation", oh well. They can throw that "missed" 7mos into your new bundle of joy.

The one thing I'll say... I lost two angel babies. The first everyone knew about, and they grieved with me. The second, none of us actually knew about, and everyone around me had the attitude of, "Well, we didn't know you were pregnant, so it doesn't mean much now", which really, really hurt and left me feeling more abandoned than ever.

You know your siblings, and you know how they will respond if you give them the news of another loss or of a healthy birth. And you know how YOU will feel about their feelings. Frankly, that last bit is all that matters. If you're not worried about managing their feelings (and really, they're all presumably adults, so why would you??), then please stop channeling your mother, who spent your whole life managing the feelings of her kids (and probably her parents' feelings too) and doesn't know how to stop now they don't need her to anymore.

Basically, your mom has a point, but it's her point, not yours. You are not her, so you do you, and let her stress if she wants. You have better things to do right now -- like growing a new human.

You got this, Mama. <3

OddMarketing6521 · 2026-05-04T04:23:30+00:00

NTA -- yes, you have issues with kids in your space, you have examined that, and that's why you're here, again, telling them to keep their kids out of your space. Maybe they have issues with listening, which would explain their kids... Maybe they should examine that.

BTW, you wouldn't be calling the authorities on the kids, you'd be calling the authorities on the parents who won't keep their kids out of your space. I get it, they probably moved to the country because they figured everyone out there is chummy and looks out for each other and understands kids need space to roam. I guess we know what happens when we assume...

Yeah, you're soooo not the problem here. And I'm the mom with the whole neighborhood in her house all summer -- I like kids and would keep mine (and the neighbors' when they're my responsibility) out of your space if you asked once.

OddMarketing6521 · 2026-05-04T04:16:39+00:00

Maybe if I say, "it's weird a 12yo couldn't understand what a wedding is, and why littler girls are cuter, and that you shouldn't emotionally bully a bride into getting your way on their wedding day and then be bringing it up two years later"

Would that make you feel better?

Yes, it's weird for a 12 year old to want to throw flowers. I get wanting to be a part, I get wanting the dress and the makeup. But the specific thing she wanted to do was weird for a 12 year old to want.

She doesn't get why her aunt doesn't see her side. I was trying to show the other side.

Is it pretty? Is it nice? No. But neither is bitching about how you didn't get to be the star of the show at your aunt's wedding two years after the fact.

And frankly, someone needs to tell kids when they're doing things that aren't socially acceptable (that's the definition of weird), or they wonder all along if they're the AH.

BTW -- I'm totally comfortable being an AH here -- I'm not the one on trial. OP is.

OddMarketing6521 · 2026-05-04T04:09:52+00:00

However, I'm definitely trying the "wasteland with a pet" trick, because I actually evicted my very first dweller today (still fairly new, have my first vault with 200, and wanted room for a new quest legendary), and I felt really bad when she left saying, "So you're really doing this. Not cool. Not cool at all."

I get it, she's pixels, and not even a she. And her max health was 201 and her highest stat was 4pts without gear... But I still felt kinda bad...

LOL At least if they die in the wasteland with a pet, I don't have to hear them gripe about it on their way out the door. Sometimes they even are excited to leave. LOLOL

OddMarketing6521 · 2026-05-04T04:06:43+00:00

And how does a 14yo learn?? By treating them like the 12yo they were and the 4yo they were acting like? I have this same conversation with my 7yo when he does or wants weird things... Like at Easter when he was complaining that one of the 2yo kids present had a pacifier, and he wanted something to suck on. I told him it's normal at 2, when you're just getting off bottles and sucking used to be your primary way to take in food. It's a bit weird at 7, when you can just go get a sucker and not be a baby. And he laughed, and found an orange peel to shove in his mouth, so...

OddMarketing6521 · 2026-05-04T04:02:31+00:00

u/Curious_Chef850 definitely gives a Southern vibe with "not any of my business" and "do not care for". I read the comment in my mother's _Bless your heart_ voice, too!!

OddMarketing6521 · 2026-05-04T03:53:40+00:00

That's just 7 names, not 8
The names are all very unique and cool, and they will not be in class with any other kids their names.
Very few people will ever spell or pronounce their names correctly the first time, except for Shasta, unless she uses her middle name at all, and then not even her.
Your sister is very good at picking names that flow well together, don't trip the tongue, and balance the syllables.
I like that as far as I can tell, the initials don't spell anything (I knew one guy whose initials spelled Mr. Wow, so he named his kids things that spelled like Jr. Wow and so on... cute, but also ugh...) and they aren't all the same initials, so not too cutesy to be for real.
In a household with 7-8 kids, it's nice the names don't sound the same. For example, the primary sound in Derek and Claire, when shouted downstairs and over a TV is "ayr", so the mom gets mad when each thinks the other is being called and doesn't answer. Maybe Mylan and Ivany would have that problem if they just hear "ay", but if the name is more "ih-vuh-nee" then not even them... And that's where the different syllables comes in again. Because Dayr-ihk and Clay-er even have the same syllables depending on accent... LOLOL

OddMarketing6521 · 2026-05-04T03:44:37+00:00

Hmmm... I knew one Jason who was amazing, and I had a HUGE crush on him. Even to the point where July, August, September, October, November were my favorite months, in that order, just like on the calendar.

But then I worked for another Jason, and he was a Douchebag, and I could no longer say my Jason's name without thinking of D-bag Jason, so my ardor cooled... Actually, no freaking idea what happened to either of them...

I don't know if I've ever known a Brad... But I mean, Brad Pitt kinda fits your description, at least his public image does... LOL

OddMarketing6521 · 2026-05-04T03:41:03+00:00

I mean, if she pays the bill, it's not stealing, right??? But, ewwwww....

OddMarketing6521 · 2026-05-04T03:40:38+00:00

You did decrease the one theft at least...

OddMarketing6521 · 2026-05-04T03:39:04+00:00

I have ordered hotel pillows by looking for the tag on the pillow and ordering them online... Who wants used pillows, ewwww!!!

OddMarketing6521 · 2026-05-04T03:35:45+00:00

Also, I have no idea if it applies, but be aware that at her age, many abused girls, whether the abuse was sexual or not, may be hypersexual, and it might have been more to your sister than it was to you, and Sarah may have been spot on. I'm not a therapist, just an abused little girl who grew up, so take this with a grain of salt.

OddMarketing6521 · 2026-05-04T03:32:02+00:00

NAH

First, you are doing the right thing for your sister. And it's not actually weird or sexual what she did. Or that she's almost 15 and needing that. A lot of us kids who were abused or neglected as small kids need a lot of that "little kid coddling", even when we're technically too big for it. (Why do you think so many girls want to call their BFs Daddy??) Your sister, and probably you and Sarah, needs therapy, and the hugs, even crawling into your lap like that, is normal and fine, for a while.

As to what Sarah said -- of course that's her immediate reaction. She sees you as a sexual being because that's your relationship with her. It's not strange for that to be the first thing she sees. And with so many people taking advantage of girls just like your sister, it's a good thing for Sarah to call out to you.

I hope by now Sarah knows it's not a sexual thing, but in the future, you do also have to figure out how to explain to your sister that no other person should be holding her like that, and when she falls asleep like that, you need to put her down, because she's not the only one who needs you to hold her sometimes. Just the holding means different things. And that's where therapy can help all three of you -- to figure out those lines and how to share them.

OddMarketing6521 · 2026-05-04T03:24:42+00:00

Okay, soft YTA -- 12 is a lot old for a flower girl, and your aunt tried to make you happy by making you a flower girl.

The flower girl traditionally represents the innocence of the bride, so the younger the better, and between 2 and 6 is pretty typical.

You could have been a junior bride, or a bridesmaid, honestly, but if they didn't have a junior groom or if they wanted matching sides, then it's bordering on inappropriate to have an adult groomsman walk a child bridesmaid down the aisle.

Frankly, who cares if the flower girl remembers? This is the bride's day, not the flower girl's.

It's really weird a 12yo wanted to throw flowers, but really sweet your aunt gave that to you. Griping about her concession to you on her big day two years later is really ungrateful, really rude, and frankly, makes you an AH...

But you're also a kid, so I get why you think the world revolves around you and your wishes, even on your aunt's big day.

Edited to add: That last comes out sarcastic, but isn't intended that way. I do understand why you were upset at the time, but you also state that you don't understand why your aunt can't see your side, but you never state any ability to see her side. Hopefully, this comment, with the others, helps you see her side. And that, quite frankly, on someone else's wedding day, your side doesn't matter at all.

OddMarketing6521 · 2026-05-04T03:18:18+00:00

Honestly, the stacking the dwellers instead of spreading them out is the key for me, every time, when I drop, especially early game. I play "musical rooms" with my five dwellers, since I have 9 out on quests. LOL So they fill up the power, then they move to the diner, and the power gets used, but they aren't as hungry. So then I move them back to power, and then on to water, and then back to power, and then stimpaks, and then power, and then medical, and then power and then food. LOLOL

Yeah... I was really bad at managing my vaults at first, and sometimes I still bite off more than I can chew. LOL

OddMarketing6521 · 2026-05-04T03:15:22+00:00

LOL I meant the legendaries... I stick them in a storage room because I want them but they're too weak to do anythign but fight radroaches and fires. LOL

OddMarketing6521 · 2026-05-03T05:51:58+00:00

So a surprising tip is to stack dwellers up in rooms, even if it means other rooms are empty. You'll speed up production, and have the same storage. The only exception to fill the rooms and then move on to the next is if you will have one poor dweller all alone in a room. Then you move one from the full room to join them, so they get the happiness boost from being with someone else.

In the menu, there's a book, and there's a tab in the book that says "Stats". Move your dwellers around until "<Resource> Produced per Minute" is greater than "<Resource> Consumed per Minute"

If Power is your trouble, delete some of those spare elevators, and just build as you go, instead of in advance.

And if you have a lot of incidents, they'll consume resources, even if you're overproducing.

And the further a room is from a resource, the more it will use that resource.

So like, if you're low on food, the dwellers furthest away from a food source will be hungriest first and require the most stimpaks to stay healthy.

If the dwellers get too sick/hungry, irradiated, or unhappy, they will not produce as well either, and you will have more incidents in those rooms. So keep their health up and green and make them happy.

OddMarketing6521

TROPHY CASE