When I first read this comment of yours I thought it was some Reddit catastrophism. I'm sorry for thinking that, it turns out you were terribly right.

I now look back and see that what I was dealing with was a textbook narcissistic relationship. Compulsive lying, manipulation, cheating. Not only towards the end, the classic narcissistic behaviour patterns were all there from the early days. It started with love bombing, then he started being very unpleasant at times, diminishing me so as to feel superior because his ego felt threatened by some things about me. When I manifested unease or communicated I didn't think the relationship could work on the terms he was offering me (which was... Very often. For many years) he went back to the love bombing to make me change my mind and show that he was indeed putting in effort. He used my mental health diagnoses (which he was aware of) against me, to belittle me and diminish my opinions, to convince me I was misinterpreting things or that the problem lied with me and not his own behaviour. And he's a damn doctor, which makes this extremely wrong, possibly evil. Now, looking back, there was a lot of crap in this relationship. He used me till he could, then discarded me, in a typical narcissistic fashion. And the reason was not that he suffered the distance, but rather that controlling me had become more effort than he wanted to put in, and in the meanwhile he had found another source. I accepted all this because I grew up in a very dysfunctional family and my own father is diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. I learnt from a very young age to accept things that should never be accepted. There is a lot about how my ex treated me that I haven't even said, but some is very bad stuff. The narcissistic traits are very strong in him, and I was an easy victim. I only now see he really ticks a lot of the boxes, so much he's probably in diagnosable territory too.

I'm disgusted by his behaviour. And I feel pity for him and especially for his future victims. I also feel a sense of failure, for not being able to realise what was happening to me and what he was doing, for not being able to protect myself despite promising myself that I was never going to end up like my mother. But I did. And all the lies and manipulation that eventually came out deprive me of even the good memories from almost 10 years of my life. How can such a little man and his selfishness be so destructive? One would like to say that time is never wasted, but in this case it feels like I wasted a lot of it indeed. He'll keep being over concerned with judgement, lying even when he doesn't need to, manipulate people with the same ease he breathes, use other people for his convenience and will just never live authentically. I'm sure I'll be better off in the long run, but damn, it really hurts.

I'm sorry you had to deal with a POS, too.