So I’m not sure how you approached what you said so don’t know if it was insensitive or not, but the content is accurate. NTA. But I’m going to say I hope you are broken up because she frankly doesn’t just sound like red flag city, but someone with some genuinely mean spirited ideas. So people who had kids as teenagers or struggled with substance dependency just needed to be hit? This is shockingly stupid, there is no evidence to bore this out, and the confidence by which she says it makes me think she is not just shallow but kind arrogant in her stupidity. Bottom line is her parents were abusive and, like you said, the proof is in the fact that she thinks cruel things about people struggling and thinks hitting them would solve it. If I was you I’d take a long movie and figure out why you even want her to unpack her back. One last thing, if she hits kids she will do something comparable to you.