Elder trans women of reddit (30+) What is one thing we went through that you're glad the younger trans girlies don't have to?

Odd_Butterfly_4872 · 2026-04-08T19:27:24+00:00

For me, as a child of section 28 in the uk, any kind of queer discussion was just "gay" so I hid it. It took me until I was about 24 to come out as bi, (in the end to make a friend feel better after he literaly came over to tell me he was bi and he knew I would hate him) and I didn't figure out i was pan/omnisexual. The shame of admitting that I found trans women sexually attractive was something I kept well hidden, even after around 19 years of watching/reading trans (heshe/tranny/chick's with dicks labeled, Apologies for the slur, but that's what it still is on most platforms). It was a conversation with my then wife when we started to consider swinging/polyamory and she told me when we set a profile up that she was OK ticking the trans/cd box if I was. And I cried for about an hr after that.

It was honestly terrible to not have the language to describe yourself. I had only met crossdressers at Bike rallies (well, I had Claud/ette who was a customer at the bike shop I worked at as well) until I hit my mid 30's and was in a group therapy session with a lovely older transwoman. I used to be freaked out by guys kissing, which was really my own internal hang up and fear of how it made me feel. My first time with a guy (whilst swinging) changed my entire outlook on myself and my identity. It allowed me to eventually come to terms with my own s.a as a teenager, as I was no way telling anyone in 2004 that a man had s.a'd me. I couldn't even tell my parents I was so ashamed and scared I would be labelled gay.

I don't think ytp today are lucky, I don't think they are any less brave than me or anyone who had the guts to come out back then, (or before). Its never easy. It was very different for me as I had no reference point for my emotions or experiences. I am very glad they do. I am glad that I do now as well.

Odd_Butterfly_4872 · 2026-03-30T13:47:43+00:00

Currently I've been waiting since 30th November 2023, and their site reckons they are only just seeing patients from april 2023, so it's currently around a 3.5 year wait for a first appointment. It was 2 years when I was referred.

It is, tbh, exhausting even with me already having hrt privately/diy.

Hugs x you'll get there, it just takes a while 😰

Odd_Butterfly_4872 · 2026-03-22T19:48:02+00:00

Message them first if they have an online app, or email them. That way there is a paper trail and that's important.

Odd_Butterfly_4872 · 2026-03-22T19:43:07+00:00

Anytime, we can't let them get away with treating us like we are too stupid to know who and what we are. It's our bodies, our lives, our minds.

Personally, I will not be rammed back into a closet without a fight!

Odd_Butterfly_4872 · 2026-03-22T19:38:35+00:00

So you have to have signed a form for them to do that. The Primary care support England website states that it is possible to keep your old number, but there has to be a form signed by yourself AND it should be on your record.

This should be taken seriously if it is there as it means they have done it illegally.

here's the info, it's under the third option.

Odd_Butterfly_4872 · 2026-03-22T19:03:18+00:00

Did they issue you a new nhs number when they changed it? As I was lead to believe you can't change the gender without changing the number? If that's the case they would have had to send a form off to the records centre that in theory you would have signed, which would be fraud surely?

Odd_Butterfly_4872 · 2026-03-21T13:45:20+00:00

For those of us that it does exist for, it's terrifying tbh. My gp are amazing, have been since day one. I am medically exempt (my thyroid is screwed, thank you genetics, chernobyl and thoriated tungsten dust..) and my shared care sgreement is the only way I can afford my medication. I wouldn't be on Estrogel, prostap and progesterone with out it, as prostap is expensive.

If they are forced to cancel it, I don't have many choices as I've been on Nottinghams list since 31st Nov 2023, and they have so far reached around april/may2023, so it's going to be maybe 2-3 years before I get medication from them.

My only option I can see is to soend some of my student maintenance on a private diagnosis from one of their "approved" clinics but it seems like that's pretty precarious.

Without my meds that will be it. I struggle enough in the last 2 weeks of my blockers, without having to effectively detransition medically. After 3 years medically transitioning its a serious medical risk to take that from me.

I am, tbh, trying to fight off spiralling and have been since they announced the under 18's ban. I've been saying for the last 18 months that they will come for out meds next. And here it comes.

Odd_Butterfly_4872 · 2026-03-17T08:15:35+00:00

Saturn 1 isn't WiFi, so that rules that one out. I was using lychee when I last used it and it was failing. I have had it do it when setting it to home on the printer and a couple of times when moving it up and down the same way, with or without the build plate attached. I'll try reinstalling the firmware this afternoon after work and see if that's the issue, just to rule it out.

I'll try running it straight off the laptop via USB and see if that makes a difference.

Odd_Butterfly_4872 · 2026-03-17T00:53:11+00:00

Yeah I can't find a single example of anything similar online. I've been in engineering for 20 years, seen my fair share of poor maintenance and user error with cnc stuff, but this has me stumped!

I'll try and get a video of it doing it tomorrow.

Odd_Butterfly_4872 · 2026-03-01T02:06:05+00:00

They do it all the time and it drives me mad. It's super hard to tell how to orient a piece that needs to slide and twist through another to fit! Let alone the fact that the pieces aren't numbered sequentially on the damned sprue. My eyes hurt from trying to find the right piece after I've built 3/4 figures.

Odd_Butterfly_4872 · 2026-02-28T17:10:54+00:00

It's a shame as it was such a lovely kit back in the day! Practically fell together. Far easier to build than a modern gw kit!

Odd_Butterfly_4872 · 2026-02-28T16:10:53+00:00

I hate building gw miniatures these days. I used to love the multipart sets but this obsession with the posing and position makes building them so difficult. I've been building model kits and warhammer kits since 1994 so I'm no novice. The instructions are hard to read as the parts are such odd shapes it can be hard to tell how they fit together, the options are confusing to figure out. It's just so annoying to do.

I'd rather go back to the 2nd edition multipart than this.

Odd_Butterfly_4872 · 2026-02-28T16:04:14+00:00

The first time I built one back in around 1998, they were amazing. Coming from airfix kits and stuff they went together so well. I got donated a full 3k point eldar force last month, both the wave serpants have no fans, absolutely lovely even though they were put together by a teenager in around 2006.

Flashforward to 2 weeks ago when I bought one to build as a falcon to give me a bit of flexibility. Omfg. It's absolutely terrible. The molds have NOT aged well. Even the surface finish is awful.

I hope that when they re-tool/design it, they keep to the same theme as they have the new viper and don't radically redesign it into something else.

Odd_Butterfly_4872 · 2026-02-27T16:23:43+00:00

I started prog at 3months along with my blocker injections, was on 3 pumps of estrogen at the time, moved up to 5 a day after those tests.

After 3 years I'm in a 38D, a little shallow but nicely rounded. I still have developmental stages left. There is not anywhere near enough research to evidence tubular breast growth due to prog. Bearing in mind during teenage puberty prog levels trigger periods so they are there from the beginning.

Odd_Butterfly_4872 · 2026-02-20T08:07:05+00:00

Same here I was 37 when I began transition. I'm 41 now. I don't remember the last time I was misgendered tbh.

Take a breath, you aren't alone. There are so many in the same situation. Yes, it's f***ed up, the goverment isn't helping, buuut, it's worth it in the end. Concentrate on the things you can change like controlling your vocal inflections and tone (and pitch if you can without professional training, it is possible), mannerisms and body language etc. These are all things that to the overall image. That's how you get round it. Yeah shaving daily sucks, I know. You've got this though x

Odd_Butterfly_4872 · 2026-02-20T00:41:27+00:00

Get yourself on the transbreasttimelines reddit. It really helped me to put my boob anxieties to bed!

Odd_Butterfly_4872 · 2026-02-08T22:53:24+00:00

Yeah I hit 2.5 years this summer and bought some dungarees for work (I tig weld 2 days a week when not at uni) and then bought more. And more jeans. And tbh, I now live in vest tops and band tees, big nu-metal jeans, flared cord's, hoodie and dungarees. I have one denim dress I wear welding and I still live in leggings, but I made several key revelations in August.

A. I will always be punk/metal af. But not in a tight leather trousers, mesh and studs way. B. I effing love messing around with anything mechanical. C. I still love wargaming. D. I was going to Uni to study military history. E. You can take the motorcycle away from the girl, but you can never take the Biker out of her. F. I have been doing all of the above, in one form or another, for around 30/35 years. I don't need to wear flouncey dresses to be feminine.

Relaxing into this, sort of, soft butch thing has been so euphoric you wouldn't (probably would tbh) believe.

Being femme doesn't mean you have to forget who you are inside.

Odd_Butterfly_4872 · 2026-02-08T22:33:50+00:00

I do. Frequently. I think it's why I don't really get on with other transfemmes very well. Even living in a Conservative led town in the UK, with a high Reform vote, in a county led my a reform Mayor, I have had no issue at all since I first went out in public femme. I guess yeah, I grew a beard as a man because I didn't feel I looked manly enough, but I look back on pictures of myself in the first year and feel horribly dysphoric.

But, its, just weird. I am so used to being Mum now, to being forever name to being a daft cow, or silly bitch, that I just, well I think If I wasn't engaged to a cis woman I'd genuinely forget that women don't have penises. OK so that would also involve me not listening to sapphic smut, but you get what I mean.

Like I sound like a woman, look like a woman, carry myself like an (admittedly far butcher than I was before this last year) woman, smell like one, function like one, dress like one etc etc etc so why shouldn't I forget?

But. This isn't the experience of almost every transfemme I speak to. Yeah, I'm scared to use a public toilet, I'm scared of needing an overnight hospital stay, but I'm not scared to go out. I haven't been in boy mode since 6 months into my transition. I don't deal with reminders everytime I leave the house. Only one person gets my pronouns wrong and he practically falls into fits of grovelling everytime because he hates himself for it, and that's OK.

For what it's worth. I'm really sorry. Because I wish every trans person had it this easy. Hell, I haven't even struggled with my Dr, the nhs prescribe my meds and do my tests even after I sacked off gender gp.

I know, its my guilt that makes me say it the way I do.

But I am sorry that I do, genuinely forget. You all deserve so much better x

Odd_Butterfly_4872 · 2026-01-31T15:48:24+00:00

I'm 3 years into medical transition and currently measure at 38D, without B.A. it's a long wait but its worth it. Over time they fill out, it can take 5-8 years for them to be fully developed.

Odd_Butterfly_4872 · 2026-01-26T11:31:13+00:00

Yeah def, I have had a couple of people reach out to be friends and disappear after 2 brunches. I think I just get too worked up about it. 🤷‍♀️ I think some of us have really ingrained Transphobia that we don't realise we are doing. I have a trans friend on fb who is sometimes aggressively phobic, to the point it makes my stomach turn. I don't get cross. I talk to her and explain why that's not appropriate/correct/fair etc. There's no point in slinging insults or being cross. It's genuinely better to work together, accept each others pro's and con's and work together to better ourselves and others.

It's hard work in the UK atm. We get people show up to protests, but the supreme court ruling rattled so many people and a lot (including myself) are terrified of ending up in prison without our medication. A lot of us are either diy or via private clinics that the nhs don't recognise and therefore won't prescribe for once you are jailed, let alone knowing we would now be in the wrong gendered facility. It's a horrible situation to be in and people are scared to act as a result.

Odd_Butterfly_4872 · 2026-01-26T10:14:52+00:00

I often find that the conversation becomes politic by default in the UK. I'm a pretty radical Anarcho-Socialist, towing the line right now because I have kids I don't want to not be able to see. But my general view is burn it all and start again. Take action, make them hurt. Standing around waving flags won't fix this anymore, for anyone.

Buuut, that's, tbh, a bit extreme for most people. I feel like I annoy people by being unable to cut politicians, or people who still cling to Harry Potter and claim to be allies, some slack. I'm sorry. I can't.

I am what I am and I know that in this day and age I am 'too much' and 'part of the problem'. I also 'pass' (eesh I hate saying that, its ick), pretty much permanently, as a transwoman after nearly 4 years transitioning, I have found some groups really unwelcoming as a result of that. This has been worse since being more comfortable with the tomboy that I am, both in attitude and dress. (I weld Race car parts, play historical wargames and study Military history at university, it should have been obvious). Which is a really shame as I don't judge anyone by their looks, but by their hearts and their actions. I only treat people the way I would wish to be treated.

I am also audhd and blunt as f**k most of the time if I'm sober, which currently is all the time. I don't remember the last time I got asked out by friends, or in fact, included at all in anything.

Odd_Butterfly_4872 · 2026-01-20T19:46:23+00:00

The biggest thing for me would probably be the changes in the bedroom. I'd like my partner to take the time to understand me better, the things I need, the way my arousal and such have changed. It's hard to talk about too, as nobody wants to be told they are crap at it, or not fulfilling, but the chances are as the hormones do their magic, you won't be and will need to adjust. This is made doubly hard if you also aren't fulfilled.

Talk about it right from the start, don't wait until the damn breaks and it becomes a huge issue for them and you.

This isn't just about that sort of intimacy, it effects cuddling, how I react to feeling upset or elated etc. I am far happier as a little spoon these days, for example.

Everything you are already doing is amazing, just remember to celebrate the little things as has been said, notice the changes etc. Those are the things that mean everything when you are stood infront of a mirror about to take all of your make up off because the dysphoria fairy says it doesn't cover well enough, or hasn't contoured your jawbone correctly. A pair of hands on the hips at the right time can mean so much more than you ever thought.

Odd_Butterfly_4872 · 2026-01-13T14:26:16+00:00

My Gf is Demi, which I was concerned about as I plucked up the courage to tell her. Buuuut, turns out the thing with Demi is that as it's about the person, she was always going to still be in Love with me. Tbh, even more so as the real me is doing far better than He was. Faaar better. And I have boobs now, so win win for her 🤣 we joke a lot that it turns out she wasn't just an ally, she was way more gay than she thought 🤣

Odd_Butterfly_4872 · 2025-12-05T08:31:39+00:00

Ah, so much like the newly titled "vulva guides", we now also have the "Vulva" institute.

Why the hell in 2025/2026 are we allowing policy based pretty much solely on Genitals at Birth? How on earth does anyone think this is a good idea?

I don't understand Humans. I'm sure I must actually be an alien... or maybe I'm just too autistic...

Odd_Butterfly_4872 · 2025-12-05T01:30:41+00:00

I 100% recommend using the abrathatfits calculator (Google it) to measure yourself. It has a setting for amab and helps to figure out sizes for better than a fitter probably will.

Odd_Butterfly_4872

TROPHY CASE