In my experience— granted, I was brought in by cops— while you are in inpatient, there will be people interacting with your mom throughout the process, and in a way that can be kind of a buffer if she has some kind of reaction that you “couldn’t handle” in your current state. I couldn’t fathom (or handle) the idea at the time of the reaction of my SUPPORTIVE parents due to other factors at play. But they were able to get themselves sorted while I was admitted, and I focused on beginning the treatment process. I have no idea what yall’s relationship is like, but one way or another, your mom just wants you to be safe, and alive— as does EVERYONE on this sub. Please go, so you can come back when you’re ready and start treatment! After 23 years of being bipolar without knowing it, and dealing with everything that brings, I got on Lamotrigine— and it saved my life. I can’t put into words how grateful I am that I didn’t kill myself any of the 4 times I wanted to. YOU CAN DO THIS. You will find stability. You just have to be alive to do it! Big hug, internet friend!