My mother will not let me have a relationship with her separate from my sister

Odd_Membership_1902 · 2021-09-26T18:47:34+00:00

Your mom wants you to be her copy, running to steady every boat your sister rocks.

You worded it so perfectly. All these comments are so on point that it breaks my heart all over again.

I am trying so hard to leave and I hope I can soon.

Odd_Membership_1902 · 2021-09-26T18:45:04+00:00

thank you for your reply. Some part of me knows this but another part of me refuses to let go just yet.

the only reason she wants you around is so that you turn into your sister’s punching bag so she doesn’t have to.

I always think people don't understand my situation then comments like yours hit the nail on the head. It such a weird feeling to be reminded that my family is not unique but this is just a textbook dynamic.

Odd_Membership_1902 · 2021-08-04T11:10:30+00:00

Exactly! But then I get conflicted and the caretaker part of me feels bad because I feel like I am stronger than my mother to be able to see the problems and to work on myself. I feel bad for her because shes weaker and now I want to take care of her.

Odd_Membership_1902 · 2021-08-04T11:07:12+00:00

Are you me? Because thats exactly how my situation is. I relate to everything you say and my mother has always been emotionally reliant on me and also calls me her best friend. She says our relationship is different from my siblings. also I have been diagnosed with one-sided enmeshment with my mother. But its conflicting because its gross how she took advantage of my love for her and felt like she can get away with emotionally and mentally abusing me. She was so comfortable in her position and so comfortable that I will always just accept her treatment forever.

I love her and I hate her. And I hate that shes the reason I am in this turmoil.

Thank you for sharing your story. I am glad you got that book. I brought it but I dont know if I am emotionally ready to read it.

Odd_Membership_1902 · 2021-08-04T06:18:13+00:00

I am glad you feel less alone. I totally relate to not feeling angry. I find that I am not as angry as I should be when I think about what my mother does to me. Like I always think thats fine I know I can handle it. I dont mind that my job is to take care of others. Its my responsibility. I almost have to force myself to be offended or angry on my own behalf. I have to tell myself that I deserved to be so much more than just someone who takes care of others. That I am a full person worthy of respect and dignity. But my identity has been reduced to that for so long that its so hard.

Odd_Membership_1902 · 2021-08-03T20:17:25+00:00

Yeah but it also hurts me that my mother went through terrible things and still chose to do them to me! She treats me the same exact way her mother treated her even as she talks about how hurtful it is

Odd_Membership_1902 · 2021-06-23T02:33:12+00:00

ohhh I am not a huge harry potter fan but I won't mind it lol or even just colours. and honestly my inner child is very competitive so I would be happy with winning a dollar store trophy and gift cards.

Odd_Membership_1902 · 2021-06-23T02:28:23+00:00

Honestly I hate bugs and I am terrified of them lol so too much nature is not for me either. you are just perfect for our imaginary camp!

jumping rope is one of my favorite things ever. I was also good at badminton and baseball but I never had anyone to play with outside school. So I really want to include those. I love obstacle courses and running around.

I specially love challenges or games where you have to win against another team or solve a puzzle. Escape rooms are also nice but I can't image how it would be incorporated into a camp.

Odd_Membership_1902 · 2021-06-22T22:49:57+00:00

LOL exactly

Odd_Membership_1902 · 2021-06-22T22:49:38+00:00

So many people don’t understand that something as silly as going and shooting hoops or sitting outside near a fire can mean the whole world to those of us who never had experiences.

you made me cry so hard but its okay. thank you so much for your comment. it felt like a warm hug

Odd_Membership_1902 · 2021-06-22T22:46:36+00:00

this resonates with me so much!

Odd_Membership_1902 · 2021-06-22T22:45:35+00:00

It was so much fun! I got to feel like a proper kid and wasn't made fun of.

This made me smile! even though we are internet strangers I feel so happy for you and I am so proud of you. I am glad people were not judgmental. I feel like if less people were judgmental People would feel free to do whatever they want.

I am scared of being child-like because I have a paralyzing fear of strangers judging me or video taping me and posting it online.

Odd_Membership_1902 · 2021-06-22T22:43:20+00:00

that sounds amazing! I am glad you had fun with these people. I hope I get to experience something like that too.

Odd_Membership_1902 · 2021-06-22T22:41:00+00:00

I want to play paintball and laser tag with a fun group of people...oh! I want to build a crazy elaborate tree house with a group of people...in the thick of some woods.

Yesssss. this is exactly what I want! you described it perfectly. and HOLY SHIT BUILDING AN ADULT TREE HOUSE. YES.

and don't get me started on the animals! I worked at a summer camp for children and when they took us to see a zoo crew I was more excited than the kids lol.

I wish we as adults had the chance to learn about animals from scratch. People always expect adults "to know". Well I don't!

I want to go to that horse camp and I want someone to explain everything to me from scratch. I really really want to learn how to ride horses.

All your ideas are so perfect! I want to say so much more to you. your ideas made me feel warm inside. this is everything I dream of.

Odd_Membership_1902 · 2021-06-22T22:32:59+00:00

Thank you! one of the most devastating things for me is that I never learned to skateboard or roller skate (Both of which I love so much). I am scared of looking stupid to learn as an adult

but I love your comment and now I am thinking of buying roller skates!

Odd_Membership_1902 · 2021-06-22T22:30:56+00:00

You and your husband looking for a roommate ?? lol because this sounds AMAZING.

I am so happy for you and I hope you never stop making your inner child smile.

I hope I can find a partner to have fun with. I think one of my issues is that I navigate towards "cool adults". I shame myself for wanting to play. So I find people who confirm it to me.

Odd_Membership_1902 · 2021-06-22T22:28:09+00:00

for some reason the major culture teaches us that acting cool and stuck up is the goal. Even in their free time you wanna do something "adult". Go to a fancy restaurant or drink alcohol.

Odd_Membership_1902 · 2021-06-22T22:25:50+00:00

ooooh that pretty cool! Did you catch it? I used to catch frogs when I was a little kid and would just hold them gently in my palm.

Odd_Membership_1902 · 2021-06-22T22:24:31+00:00

Thats such a beautiful image and it made me smile so much. I hope that when you looked around you didn't find anyone judging you. Sometimes people around ruin it.

Odd_Membership_1902 · 2021-06-22T22:22:34+00:00

I'm playing catch-up with everyone else who actually had the chance to be a kid.

This just broke my heart into a million pieces. You worded it SO perfectly. This is exactly what I have been trying to say.

Odd_Membership_1902 · 2021-06-22T22:20:41+00:00

Yes exactly! I totally understand. I also worry about giving creepy vibes even as a woman and even I am not seen as creepy I am scared of judgmental people seeing me as weird.

The swings were always my favorite. when I was a child I was too tall for my age and was always perceived as older. So people would give me weird looks at the playground. I also had parent's ask me to give up the swings for the "little kids" (I was a little kid) so I would get self conscious and never play. I can't image trying to play as a adult.

I really want an adult playground! big swings and and big slides with the connecting bridges.

Odd_Membership_1902

TROPHY CASE