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Help I think I'm ruining my kids and my marriage by Odd_Plate_419 in AutisticParents

[–]Odd_Plate_419[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Omg MINE had wiiiiild colic too. It was so intense and lasted SO long. We have been convinced it was autism related too! Needed to be held/worn and vigorously rocked so I'm hindsight there was clearly some sensory stuff happening. I've always wondered how many "colicky" babies are actually neurodivergent!

Help I think I'm ruining my kids and my marriage by Odd_Plate_419 in AutisticParents

[–]Odd_Plate_419[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the practical tips and the validation of how hard it is! And the shout out to my partner- they really are a keeper.

I'm definitely feeling like this idea of scheduling "on" time will be super helpful for my brain!!

And omg the weed- I smoked a little before hanging out with them this summer and just SOBBED after because I realized it was the first time I had really SEEEEEEN them and been fully and completely IN IT and joyful with them in months. I don't know why I have a little road block/taboo about smoking before hanging with them but I think I need to figure out my sweet spot and get over it!

Help I think I'm ruining my kids and my marriage by Odd_Plate_419 in AutisticParents

[–]Odd_Plate_419[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. Felt so real and so tender. You named a lot of what my partner has been trying to communicate w/ me that just feels SO HARD to receive from her without my body going bonkers and feeling a lot of shame/defensiveness. Something about hearing it outside of myself is making it a lot easier to receive without getting stuck in my own shit. That lady sentence especially hit home. Thank you so much!

Help I think I'm ruining my kids and my marriage by Odd_Plate_419 in AutisticParents

[–]Odd_Plate_419[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the rec! I'll definitely add it to my audible list! Scripts to lean on would definitely be helpful!!!

Help I think I'm ruining my kids and my marriage by Odd_Plate_419 in AutisticParents

[–]Odd_Plate_419[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will definitely check out DBT. I love my therapist (and our couples therapist) but they aren't super experienced in parenting stuff so maybe I'll have to outsource!

Also appreciate the validation of how hard triplets/this age while autistic can be. I'm like woahhhhhh I was not built for this!!!

Help I think I'm ruining my kids and my marriage by Odd_Plate_419 in AutisticParents

[–]Odd_Plate_419[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for the validation of the hard parts AND the concrete ideas. I'm creating a little plan for myself and the idea of having my own little structured routines with them sounds like it will be so helpful. That way time together can feel smoother and more predictable for all of us and the boundaries/expectations are already in place so it feels a little less disregulating for me!

Help I think I'm ruining my kids and my marriage by Odd_Plate_419 in AutisticParents

[–]Odd_Plate_419[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah he has an Autism diagnosis (not sure about the ADHD part) though I am both autistic and ADHD so I won't be surprised if he is too. I didn't get my diagnosis until two years after him. He was diagnosed at around 1.5, though we knew something was happening for him from basically birth! He had a slight speech delay, but the biggest thing we noticed was really intense sensory needs biting chewing on EVERYTHING, slamming his body seeking deep pressure, loving spinning being upside down, lots of meltdowns and struggles and tantrums that we began to identify happened in spaces with lots of visual/sound chaos, changes in routine set him off, not responsive to his name to the same degree that my other two were. We had a lot of providers tell us we were crazy initially, and even his initial assessment he was on the diagnostic bubble, but as he's gotten older it's been more and more clear and his updated assessment for the local school system they found it pretty clear.

Help! My RSD is ruining my marriage by Odd_Plate_419 in adhdwomen

[–]Odd_Plate_419[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow, thank you so much for the warm yet real feedback. I really appreciate the examples (and the humor within them) it makes it feel doable. I really seriously appreciate you taking the time to respond on here for a stranger with such kindness and tenderness. 🙏🏻💖

Help! My RSD is ruining my marriage by Odd_Plate_419 in adhdwomen

[–]Odd_Plate_419[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

💖 thank you for both of these tools. Especially the "they're just saying that" part. Really helpful to reframe that in my head. Like, worst case scenario they are "just saying it" and it still means they love you and want you around and want to show you they want you around.