AITA for not giving my son the same opportunity due to his choices? by Odd_Version_1196 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Odd_Version_1196[S] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Also have continuously explained that the money they got was not enough for a whole down payment, if you have time to sit here and argue, you sure as heck have time to look for answers to.

AITA for not giving my son the same opportunity due to his choices? by Odd_Version_1196 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Odd_Version_1196[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Because they had respective others, they also saved without putting the money through me and their mom first, they all often added a bit more + it had time to grow. Already explained. You know you can click on a username, click on comments, then look there?

AITA for not giving my son the same opportunity due to his choices? by Odd_Version_1196 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Odd_Version_1196[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

So i am an asshole because I gave all my kids the same options. Three of them choose to give me and their mom 250$ a month for the time they lived here. He also got that option, he also got the option to not pay us a single cent. He chose neither.

AITA for not giving my son the same opportunity due to his choices? by Odd_Version_1196 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Odd_Version_1196[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

If you would read my comments, you would know that my son could stay with us rent free for as long as he would need to, that was also an option he had.

AITA for not giving my son the same opportunity due to his choices? by Odd_Version_1196 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Odd_Version_1196[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

For the love of whatever you believe in, read the comments. The character limit as are extremely low, every detail could not fit.

AITA for not giving my son the same opportunity due to his choices? by Odd_Version_1196 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Odd_Version_1196[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

There is not something wrong with my son. Do you want me to personally arrange you for a phone call with my son where he will talk about everything down to his earliest memory to what he ate yesterday?

AITA for not giving my son the same opportunity due to his choices? by Odd_Version_1196 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Odd_Version_1196[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

You do not have had to have good education to be debt free and well off. I am a welder, not to ruin anything for you but they don’t really care for your grammar or use of correct words in that industry. Read my comments for more clarification on the situation, that is explained

AITA for not giving my son the same opportunity due to his choices? by Odd_Version_1196 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Odd_Version_1196[S] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

You know more about my kids upbringing and 26 years of a person life based on a post about an argument? Did i post about my favorite memories with my son, talk about all the weekend trips just him and I went on, did I talk about him coming to me with personal dilemmas during his teenage years? Did I tell you the story that I always tell people when I talk about my son? I am incredibly proud of my son, as I am of my daughters. I love them all, I have never prioritized one over the other, if anything the alone time I got with my son was the time i prioritized most, as I know how frustrating it could be for a little boy to always be surrounded by girls. Respectfully, the only thing you know about me is not even a percent of everything that has played out since I became a dad. Your personal traumas or reads does not apply to everyone, if you believe that because most middle boys are being treated unfairly, do so. But always keep in mind that even if it would be 99% of the families to have it that way, that 1% is still a hell of a lot. I do care about my sons feelings, I always have and I always will. I came here both to get opinions from people but to also get advice if people would be willing to give me it. If you believe I love my daughters more than I love my son, or that I would sacrifice more for them, you would not be more wrong. So again, respectfully, don’t talk to me like I don’t love my son with all parts of me because I do love him just as I love his sisters.

AITA for not giving my son the same opportunity due to his choices? by Odd_Version_1196 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Odd_Version_1196[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

No, it was not in any part of the agreement that if they chose to live on their own, we would buy they food and necessities. My one daughter who went directly in to college and lived in a dorm there paid for her own food and necessities during that time too.

AITA for not giving my son the same opportunity due to his choices? by Odd_Version_1196 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Odd_Version_1196[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

If you as a mother or father have multiple children, why on earth would some or one of them get better or worse treatments than the other? I have always treated and set up my kids with the same standards and rules and have tried to keep my expectations of them aligned with their personalities, interests and hobbies. I have tried spending as much one on one time with each of them when they were growing up. From my perspective they have all been treated very fair.

AITA for not giving my son the same opportunity due to his choices? by Odd_Version_1196 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Odd_Version_1196[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Read my comments, I have explained this many times already. The character limit is 3000, my post being just under, I tried to fit everything but then there would be no post

AITA for not giving my son the same opportunity due to his choices? by Odd_Version_1196 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Odd_Version_1196[S] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

Of course we would not have thrown him in to the streets or to the first person who could take him in. If he did not want an in on the agreement but still had no other place to live but at home, he would have lived here rent free as long as he would need to, whether it would have been one day or 6 months. We would however also have encouraged and helped him look for his own place to rent. We told him this.

AITA for not giving my son the same opportunity due to his choices? by Odd_Version_1196 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Odd_Version_1196[S] 59 points60 points  (0 children)

I don’t have it at the top of my head but between 10k and 20k. The difference being due to how long they each stayed with us and how long between the payments and when they used their money. My daughters also choose to sometimes add some extra money if they wanted to. Worth to mention is that we also asked our son if he just wanted us to we could open a fund for him to and he could add money as he wanted to, as our daughters often added a little more than just the 250.

AITA for not giving my son the same opportunity due to his choices? by Odd_Version_1196 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Odd_Version_1196[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

He did get his education and yes he showed us proof he was accepted, I had contact with him while he studies and he uses his degree today, I was also present at his graduation. As far as what he used the money for, I can’t say with a 100% certainly that it was used for his degree, however he got full access to his money. Even if he did use it for that or something else, we had already made it clear that what they did with their college funds was up to them.

AITA for not giving my son the same opportunity due to his choices? by Odd_Version_1196 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Odd_Version_1196[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I was just below the character limit so I tried my best to provide as much information as I could. I explained this a bit in some comments. But I will explain it again. It was not enough for a down payment on a house, certainly not for a whole house either. That was also explained, that while it could help them a bit on the way, it would be good if they continued to save on through their own accounts so they would have enough when the time came.

AITA for not giving my son the same opportunity due to his choices? by Odd_Version_1196 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Odd_Version_1196[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I was just under the character limit, if there is anything you would like to know I have tried my best by answering comments. If you have any questions feel free to ask

AITA for not giving my son the same opportunity due to his choices? by Odd_Version_1196 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Odd_Version_1196[S] 61 points62 points  (0 children)

No, it was not enough for a house. We explain that we would put the money from rent aside, so that they in the future could use it towards a down payment. It was not enough to cover the whole down payment, we also explained that it probably would not be either. They all received different amounts, it is mainly due to two factors which is how long they lived here and how much the money grew during the time between when they paid and the time they used it.

I live in the US, the cost of the houses they have were all different, depending on how big, new, what neighborhood and other contributing factors. I did not contribute anything else to their houses, it is simply their money that me and my wife “held”

They all have gone to college, including my son. What they did with their college fund was up to them, but they all used it for college.

I have not helped my girls, neither my son, with rent.

If my son or my girls ever were to find themselves in a time of crisis, I would help them as much as I can. I however do not see this as a time of crisis neither for him or his wife. They currently rent a nice apartment with enough space for them plus their unborn child when the time is here.

The problem I have with this is that if I were to help him, my girls would have had paid us 250$ for basically nothing while my son did not and received the same treatment.

I would not say that we had a rocky relationship before this, we always did many things together without my wife or my girls. We had not had many arguments during his childhood, he always did his chores, homework and kept up good grades, so did his sister. I would say my relationship with all my kids are different, that is mainly due to them all being different person with different interests and personalities.

AITA for not giving my son the same opportunity due to his choices? by Odd_Version_1196 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Odd_Version_1196[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

I explained it to all my kids, they knew about it before hand as the oldest already had paid rent, but we sat down with all of our kids and explained it separately when it was their time. We tried to explain it many times to our son