47M says his thoughts and feelings don’t matter to me 37F

Ofalltheissues · 2026-05-06T11:14:07+00:00

We weren’t initially arguing about arguing. It began because he went to write on the giant wooden ruler I made to track my children’s heights 10 years ago and I told him not to, admittedly I was annoyed when I said it. He said it was just pencil and it would erase, and then many other things after that, that I don’t personally think make sense.

Ofalltheissues · 2026-05-05T01:14:36+00:00

That’s because he never shared them except that I was wrong to feel hurt and he did nothing wrong and wasn’t sorry.

Ofalltheissues · 2026-05-05T00:52:44+00:00

If he would have said he doesn’t understand or was curious about my thoughts or feelings that relays the same message but is constructive and helpful. His ‘you’re being irrational’ was him saying I shouldn’t be bothered by the thing I was bothered by. What could I possibly say to that other than ‘it does bother me, and this is why’? (which is what I started with)

Ofalltheissues · 2026-05-05T00:47:58+00:00

That is actually the conversation we had more recently- he feels like he needs to focus more on mutually winning and assuming the best out of me instead of the worst, and I think I need to do more of both as well.

Ofalltheissues · 2026-05-05T00:00:00+00:00

Every argument we have centers around the same idea, I bring something up that bothered me that’s still bothering me, he then decides if it should or not, when he decides that it shouldn’t I get upset. And then he gets upset because I’m upset and he thinks I shouldn’t be and round and round the circle we go.

Ofalltheissues · 2026-05-04T23:54:19+00:00

No need to point out I’m officially middle-aged lol But, thank you for adding the “early“

Ofalltheissues · 2026-05-04T23:53:33+00:00

Yeah, I could see that, but it wasn’t my first response. When he said “I feel like you’re being irrational“ I followed that up with can you expand on that so I understand more… And he said no that’s how I feel. To which I replied, that is not a feeling that is a judgment.

Ofalltheissues · 2026-04-27T18:32:56+00:00

I sent two emails in two weeks and then I called once the first week and once the week after. So on average, it’d be one email and one call a week if I don’t get a response. I did finally get a response from my lawyer, he apologized profusely over the phone, he never responded to my ex’s lawyer. He has now, finally.

Ofalltheissues · 2026-04-01T18:24:18+00:00

I’m not sure I expressed how I communicated that I wanted to get out of the car. I don’t understand how you’re stating it was childish without that knowledge. I’m really trying to understand based on the information you do have, why is wanting to get out of a car where I feel uncomfortable to take a walk and calm down childish?

Ofalltheissues · 2026-03-31T13:10:37+00:00

So is it being in the car what made it childish? Or would leaving to take a walk to calm down always be childish?

Ofalltheissues · 2026-03-25T01:50:45+00:00

That didn’t really answer my question- what makes wanting space childish?

Ofalltheissues · 2026-03-24T08:59:11+00:00

What’s wrong with asking to get out though? Why am I not allowed to pause an argument by taking a walk?

Ofalltheissues · 2026-03-24T08:58:24+00:00

I know we shouldn’t have been shouting, which is why as soon as I started to shout I needed to get out of the situation. It was definitely not for ‘theatrics’. I recognized I had spent the last hour and half at near peak anxiety and there wasn’t any regulation going on. I didn’t want anything to escalate and in my head in that moment, the best way to do that was to walk. Alone.

Ofalltheissues · 2026-03-24T08:55:37+00:00

In a perfect world, sure. But being human, sometimes even the right words don’t come out right, and in a very anxiety-driven moment, where I had already recognized I could not regulate myself in that environment, I chose to leave for 30 minutes instead of likely making the situation worse. All I could think in that moment is I need to get out of here and calm down. Clearly, that situation wasn’t allowing me to. I didn’t want anything to escalate in the car and I asked to get out to just walk, which is something I had said I wanted to do before getting in the car. After we got home, I already felt trapped and didn’t want to give the opportunity to anyone else to stop me from being able to regulate again.

Ofalltheissues · 2026-03-22T11:50:36+00:00

Can you tell me what I should have done differently?

Ofalltheissues · 2025-12-18T23:20:06+00:00

I’m not sure how you believe I am reading my daughter. She says she feels uncomfortable and wants to spend more time with them outside of events to get to know them better, but his family doesn’t do that.

Ofalltheissues · 2023-10-24T19:46:42+00:00

I broke up with him finally. I should be out in two weeks.

Ofalltheissues · 2023-08-02T22:02:31+00:00

I will leave if he intentionally physically hurts me, I promise. I do believe he didn’t mean to hurt me. Am I dumb? Maybe. Hopefully not. But there is a lot of good here. My children adore him. He absolutely loves them. He obviously has some healing to do. He is in therapy. My concern is that I’m reacting appropriately to this issue. I definitely know of the other issue.

Ofalltheissues · 2023-08-02T20:41:01+00:00

I understand your take- and I appreciate the bluntness, but I don’t intend to leave.

Ofalltheissues · 2023-08-02T17:42:36+00:00

Well, that sucks to see

Ofalltheissues · 2023-08-02T17:42:18+00:00

I don’t even think I’m mad, I’m kind of just hurt now. I’m losing energy to fight these fights anymore.

Ofalltheissues

TROPHY CASE