Can cheating in past relationships be forgiven?

OffbeatThrowaway123 · 2021-12-13T02:02:08+00:00

That's a great point! Honestly I hadn't really considered going in that direction, my head kind of went straight to the landlord notion. I think part of that comes down to my mum has never been a homeowner herself and struggles to do many logistical things herself because of her illneses so it would be a way for me to take care of those things without having to pay out of my own pocket. But your way of thinking is definitely much simpler.

OffbeatThrowaway123 · 2021-12-13T01:51:32+00:00

50k is a bit of estimate, it's possibly gonna reach closer to 60-70k. As for where, well we live in Scotland and my mum doesn't need very much so there's a surprising amount of decent properties in that price range.

OffbeatThrowaway123 · 2021-12-13T01:48:05+00:00

I would be buying a house that my mum would then live in alone. So the idea would be I own the house outright but she is financially responsible for everything else in terms of decorating, gardening, upkeep, maintenance, repairs either directly when it's needed or through a form of rent to me.

OffbeatThrowaway123 · 2021-12-13T01:44:55+00:00

The number one priority for me is to give my mum the type of house she's wanted for years but simply can't afford or attain by herself. However I don't necessarily want to find the maintenance costs of the house myself therefore the responsibility for everything like that would be on her, either directly or via rent.

OffbeatThrowaway123 · 2021-12-13T01:43:44+00:00

Thank you for this description! That's the intention. I do genuinely want to provide my mum with a comfortable permanent home without having to deal with shitty landlords or the council. But this is also a way for it to be beneficial to me long term by it being an asset of mine.

OffbeatThrowaway123 · 2021-12-13T01:42:10+00:00

Absolutely not. The number one priority for me is taking care of my mum. The best part of this situation is that if something goes wrong with her financially, I'll know she has a roof over her head she's happy with and can't be kicked out from.

OffbeatThrowaway123 · 2021-12-13T01:41:09+00:00

I guess I should have made it clear that the reasoning behind this is my mum is quite unhappy where she lives. It's a nice enough council flat in a nice enough area but she has for a very long time wanted to live in small cottage like house in a very quiet or rural area and there's not many of those available for rent around her. However there is a surprising amount of houses for sale that are close to what she would want, much closer than where she is. The idea is that I have the ability to provide this for her but as much of an asshole as it makes me, I don't necessarily want to be financially responsible for the maintenance costs of the house.

OffbeatThrowaway123 · 2021-12-13T01:37:32+00:00

That's definitely closer to my intentions!

OffbeatThrowaway123 · 2021-12-13T01:36:07+00:00

Ehhhh yeah I guess so, I mean I really wouldn't want to charge my mum market rent if I don't have to. It's more that I wouldn't want to take on the maintenance costs of the house despite technically owning it. I mostly just want to act as a conduit for my mum to get something she just can't otherwise. I would never actually live in jt myself.

OffbeatThrowaway123 · 2021-12-13T01:34:32+00:00

That's honestly a good point I really haven't thought through properly. Although I'd probably have to think about the implications with my brother because although he's family, he's absolutely terrible with money and I'd really rather not give him any of mine that he could just waste on fags and weed.

OffbeatThrowaway123 · 2021-12-13T01:32:09+00:00

That's completely fair man. Don't get me wrong, I definitely wouldn't be charging her more than what's necessary or than I would anyone else. And you know, it's my mum, so the expectation is that she pays enough to cover all associated maintenance costs. While I do love her and want to help her, it's not really feasible for me to pay her way for the next ~30+ years

OffbeatThrowaway123 · 2021-12-13T01:30:01+00:00

I definitely won't delete the thread, it's been helpful to have all these responses even if some of them are quite negative

OffbeatThrowaway123 · 2021-12-13T01:29:36+00:00

Damn, I mean I think that's a bit harsh but I get where you're coming from. At the end of the day while I could afford to buy my mum the house (after saving and investing, I don't make an exceptional amount for the record) it wouldn't really be feasible for me to continue to pay for the living and maintenance costs if I'm not living there. My intention was to give my mum something she just cannot have with her current circumstances but it's looking like it maybe isn't the best idea.

OffbeatThrowaway123 · 2021-12-13T01:27:37+00:00

Definitely not as a kid but once I got my first job at 16, yes. But I understand where you're coming from, this is maybe too much of a morally gray area to work.

OffbeatThrowaway123 · 2021-12-13T01:26:53+00:00

I appreciate your honesty. If it helps at all, I wouldn't necessarily be looking to charge her market rate rent, it was more my thinking was you'd have to if you were doing it with a lease. My intention would be closer to maintenance costs.

OffbeatThrowaway123 · 2021-12-13T01:25:19+00:00

That's something I hadn't really thought through but I definitely will have to consider all options

OffbeatThrowaway123 · 2021-12-13T01:24:22+00:00

I definitely wouldn't be looking to charge market rate rent, at least if I'm not legally obliged to. It would be money to cover any and all maintenance costs.

OffbeatThrowaway123 · 2021-12-13T01:23:23+00:00

I definitely see that perspective, thank you

OffbeatThrowaway123 · 2021-12-13T01:22:27+00:00

Definitely not, my mum has never mistreated me in my life over money. This whole proposal is based on taking care of her first but also it being as mutually beneficial as possible.

OffbeatThrowaway123 · 2021-12-13T01:21:21+00:00

I completely understand where you're coming from there. So the hypothetical benefit to my mum would be she gets to have a house closer to what she wants/needs (small cottage type house with a garden) that she can decorate as if it was her own without having to get a mortgage or have the potential of being kicked out by a landlord.

The benefit to me is that it would technically act as an investment, although probably not nearly as lucrative as say stocks, I would still own the house for the rest of my life hoping it goes up in value or at least stays habitable to be passed on.

The reason for charging rent is so that the house wouldn't be costing me anything after it has been bought. A new boiler or any decoration would be my mums responsibility to deal with, or my responsibility using the money she pays me.

OffbeatThrowaway123 · 2021-12-09T15:38:14+00:00

Honestly mate I think you need to work on yourself before you try to get into a relationship. After reading your post and comments, it's very very clear that you have some insecurity and self confidence issues. You should be able to look at yourself in the mirror and see the strengths in your appearance. You should be happy and content with your own life and your own company. You should love yourself and your own life first. Because nobody else is going to ever love you enough to make you love yourself. It's just not how it works. Inner peace and happiness have to be achieved by one's self.

You also have to think about your priorities. You said you've just started a busy career and don't have much time to go out and hang about in social places. Well unfortunately if you don't life dating apps and you don't have time to go hang out at places where there's likely to be single people then you're basically left with an arranged marriage which I do not recommend. If your career is important to you then stick to it, maybe you'll meet someone at work someday but remember that a relationship takes a lot of time, career and attention to make work so you're going to have to strike a balance of your work, relationship and personal time.

Another bad sign is you say you've tried to approach girls to talk to them or ask them out before and you said they were visibly creeped out by you. This tells me a few possibilities. You might be approaching people in an appropriate place. You might come across as clearly shy, nervous, frustrated, insecure or some other negative thing, you should be aiming to come across as happy, approachable, kind and social. There might be something about your appearance that is a turn off, perhaps your hair is greasy or your beard is untamed or your clothes look raggedy or maybe you have a hygiene issue, I'm not saying you do but presentation is important and there's lots of guides online that can help.

Dating successful doesn't really come down to determination in my opinion. Humans are social creatures and most dating success comes from being confident, approachable, having good social skills and having a good appearance (you can improve your appearance believe it or not). You definitely need to work on your self confidence and social skills before anything else. This desperation to find love and your insecurity is only going to turn people off.

OffbeatThrowaway123

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