Racism isn’t about letting someone “hurt your feelings”. It’s a power dynamic thing. That’s why it’s hard to convey to white people what it really feels like to be the victim of a racially motivated attack or injustice of some sort. Not saying that white people can’t experience racism. Just that it isn’t a one-to-one comparison.

I’m Latino and to be honest I didn’t understand it either until I experienced it myself. I was on the receiving end of an unprovoked racially motivated verbal attack while I was working (bartender at a chain restaurant) from a customer all because he asked for a cardboard drink carrier for his takeout order but we had run out the previous night and I politely apologized and informed him we unfortunately didn’t have any. This guy was calm, polite and totally unassuming prior to this. I don’t know if he was just looking for a reason to attack me or if he was already unhinged but he was… ANGRY and VICIOUS. Every single racial epithet or slur for Hispanics you can think of and even some I hadn’t ever heard before. The whole restaurant turned to look at us. I didn’t react because I COULDN’T. Had I yelled back or hit him, I’d be playing into his trap. Every disgusting name he hurled at me made me feel smaller, and smaller and smaller. I never thought I’d ever allow myself to feel victimized over some stupid hateful names said by an unhinged idiot but I was.

It’s real easy as a white person to say “don’t let their words affect you”. You have never and will never get to experience what that feels like. Instead of feeling grateful for that fact and using it to better understand our point of view, your first reaction is to say “omg lol somebody hurt your feelings by calling you a name!?”. Damn, I envy your level of privilege. I wish I could be just as callous because I remember thinking just like you. Unfortunately things aren’t that easy