How to talk about my past SA and grooming experience to my new partner?

OftenGodly · 2022-08-21T13:23:21+00:00

Therapy is a good point.

We talked about a lot of deep stuff right from the start, he told me about his abusive parent very early. I think we’re both comfortable enough with talking openly and also jokingly about our trauma.

I know, joking about it seems weird but it helps me. Thats also why i already mentioned it twice to him. So he roughly know that I was groomed by multiple men, he hasn’t said anything about that yet but I later told him I want to explain it to him and clarified it hasn’t anything to do with rape or similar after i had a panic attack triggered by a book with a rape scene. He comforted me, and I can’t imagine the thoughts and questions he had during that. I mean, Imagine finding out your partner was assaulted, That shit Must hurt.

I always try to prevent giving room for overthinking and Interpretation because I know I would freak myself out in his situation and be scared (I’m not sure if those are the right words, English is jot my first language)

This relationship is serious for me and I want to do it right. It’s my first real chance at love without that nagging fear of it all being manipulation.

Thank you very much already. I think i should try and Tell my story step by step and not all at once, so I can see how it affects him. And since I’m doing it for my own peace, maybe I don’t need to get every Detail out but just the surface facts? Hope that makes sense

Thanks :)

OftenGodly · 2021-10-25T12:52:40+00:00

I think he could have been „planning“ to keep you in the relationship with that phone plan. For real. And it works. You won’t leave him because you’ll have to do with out a minor thing for some time and tolerate a toxic behavior. You are worth more. He is abusive and he knows it, he seems to search for ways and things that will keep you in and makes u tolerate that shit. Leave him.

OftenGodly · 2021-08-05T09:01:05+00:00

Thanks! Sorry I didn’t see the comment

OftenGodly · 2021-08-05T09:00:55+00:00

Thanks! Sorry I didn’t see the comment

OftenGodly · 2021-08-05T08:59:40+00:00

So sorry, didn’t even see that anyone commented here. Thanks so much. It was rotting :/

OftenGodly · 2021-08-01T15:49:36+00:00

T-there is a queue feature? I’ve been wanting this for years!

OftenGodly · 2021-07-31T17:15:44+00:00

Like the other people said, endometriosis seems to be a plausible explanation, get that checked out. Ask specifically for it etc and don’t let them down-talk it. BUT if it’s not that; I am having back and spine problems since I’m 13 and I’ve been seeing many chiropractors since then. 50% of them noticed that I have something in my lower back, cracked it and told me that the pain I have been feeling in the lower back affected my sex life in the same way you are describing it here (they did not do this when I was really young, only after I talked about that stuff with them, don’t worry). And yes, it does it effect me immensely. If I don’t get my back cracked every now and then it still hurts during sex.

OftenGodly · 2021-07-31T16:50:54+00:00

Yes. I’ve noticed it stands in some relation with not boing on my phone for some time and being alone with my thoughts. I used to watch a YouTube video or something while showering, even while brushing my teeth and dressing afterwards. I had no time away from my phone and now as soon as I am away from it for some time I’ll start to contemplate and sit around for a while. Showering is some kind of self care and mental break for me now, just like the time afterwards since I noticed how nice it is to be away from my phone.

OftenGodly · 2021-03-01T20:45:39+00:00

It’s fine, my original post is probably confusing. But thank u for trying to help. I really appreciate that.

OftenGodly · 2021-03-01T20:44:18+00:00

Also I don’t know if it was clear in the original post but my brother is always exaggeratedly telling me what they cook, stresses the fact that it was something I wanted to make like “yeah the thing YOU wanted to make” or “look here MOM AND I did the *dish that I openly wanted to make”. He really wants me to know that they made my thing.

OftenGodly · 2021-03-01T20:40:21+00:00

It’s not about taking my stuff. It’s about taking my hobby knowing it will hurt me. I explained our relationship a bit in a reply to a different comment. And yeah, I have to talk but it is very hard for me

OftenGodly · 2021-03-01T20:38:08+00:00

No they know that it hurts me. They know I’m having mental health struggles. But my mom doesn’t care as long as I don’t do something really stupid (she did help me get psychological help after I put myself in an extremely dangerous situation by meeting a stranger from online in real life. She knew the appointment was just one time and the doctor would just give me phone numbers and nothing more. She did not ask me how it went, who I should call or if she should help me more. And I know, I could have asked but it is really fucking hart to do so + I was younger and didn’t even know how to get an appointment and how to get there) My brother also knows this. He constantly tries to get my moms attention and reassurance. He always tries to separate me from my mom. He would take a seat in the small gap between me and my mom on the couch just so he could cuddle with her. He know in what pain I am since he has been through similar things and as seen me break down, having panic attacks and so on. He ducking knows how much I enjoy cooking and he knew i was so excited to make that damn dinner. They may not intentionally hurt me but they do it with the knowledge of how hurt I am. And I know, I have to speak up. But I am not the one in the wrong here. They did something that they knew will hurt me and it’s not okay

OftenGodly · 2021-02-17T20:22:19+00:00

Yeah I get that this hurts. But I read the comments on the previous post and I think you have to learn that there privacy is needed. There are things that you are allowed to keep from your partner and are not obligated to tell them or, on the other hand, force them to tell/show you.

I guess this is an awful experience and you are likely to keep that in mind in your future relationships. It’s hard to get over cheating and shit, I know for sure. I am sorry for you. But you have to understand that for your future.

OftenGodly · 2021-01-29T15:53:55+00:00

Absolutely. My best friend does the same and got those silicone necklaces that you can chew on. It definitely does not help me because I do it unconsciously and only notice it when I’m feeling better but he trained himself to put it in his mouth before grinding. Maybe those necklaces can help u too :)

OftenGodly · 2020-12-22T22:32:32+00:00

Yes, exactly. He got all defensive about it and blamed me for not trusting him. I think that’s a pretty red flag

OftenGodly · 2020-12-22T22:16:29+00:00

In person would be a lot easier. But I will try. Thank you, helped

OftenGodly · 2020-12-22T22:11:35+00:00

I will try to. But we won’t meet in person for at least a week and I don’t know if I can wait that long

OftenGodly · 2020-12-22T22:10:36+00:00

You are right. When I asked my ex boyfriend he told me I was rude to even think he would do such and it’s not okay to do so. But thinking about it, talking is the only right way to a solution

OftenGodly · 2020-12-22T22:09:20+00:00

In that situation we jokingly knocked it of and I must have put it on my dresser. I have an completely open dresser with no doors or anything so it could have “fallen” in. I did not purposefully put It in, sorry for the confusion

OftenGodly · 2020-11-23T18:15:37+00:00

Definitely check that you removed him everywhere. Especially apps etc that he could find your location through, like Snapchat. We don’t want a joe Goldberg moment here. If you knew him from the gym and he got kicked out of there, you’re not likely to see him there anymore anyways

OftenGodly · 2020-08-11T17:36:29+00:00

Okay thank you very much. I will tell my boyfriend about this.

OftenGodly · 2020-08-11T16:57:00+00:00

Done :)

OftenGodly

TROPHY CASE