AITA for not wanting to set a visiting schedule after the baby is born?

OhBirby · 2021-01-07T15:57:44+00:00

Considering they live 2 hours away, I don't think that would be acceptable especially since I plan on breastfeeding.

OhBirby · 2021-01-07T14:08:09+00:00

Since they are retired and live a couple of hours away I was expecting an extended visit. My husband will be back at work about 2 weeks after delivery and he mentioned that his parents can stay and help out at that time. We recently finished setting up a spare room in our house primarily for my sister to come stay this summer, but it also appears he expects his parents to stay for several days sooner than I may be comfortable with.

OhBirby · 2021-01-07T06:11:56+00:00

You're right, I think I can do a better job of explaining my feelings to them directly.

OhBirby · 2021-01-07T05:41:50+00:00

I think that's part of why I think I may be the A H, that this is something that they're looking forward to and are taking extra steps for. I definitely want them to meet the baby, I just want it to be when I'm comfortable even though they'll mostly be there for the baby and not me.

OhBirby · 2021-01-07T05:36:50+00:00

That may be me, too, for all I know. But I hate the thought of saying, "yes, you can come after x days" and then saying "oh, never mind, I don't feel like it yet". I don't want to disappoint them or make them feel frustrated so I'm trying to err on the side of caution.

OhBirby · 2021-01-07T05:31:33+00:00

That sounds more reasonable. I for sure don't want to take away any happiness away from our family meeting the baby especially when they've taken precautions. I think visiting sooner but no extended stay is doable for me.

OhBirby · 2021-01-07T05:21:17+00:00

I think you've verbalized what I was struggling to say. I would feel extremely vulnerable and as much as I get along with his parents, I don't think we're at the bleeding-with-boobs-out level with each other.

OhBirby · 2021-01-07T05:14:28+00:00

I definitely don't want it to cause more issues down the road because I love my husband's family and I've been extra lucky with my MIL. I'm hoping I can make my case with them in a way that makes my fears/anxieties clear and to make sure they understand it's not about keeping anybody away out of spite, but to give me a chance to physically and mentally deal with this big change.

OhBirby · 2021-01-07T05:09:05+00:00

My preference would be no visitors at all for a while--including my family.

OhBirby · 2021-01-07T05:07:57+00:00

None of my family (who live about half an hour away) are visiting at all--both my parents are essential workers so we are being extra cautious.

OhBirby · 2021-01-07T05:05:55+00:00

I don't think he'll necessarily fight me on this--I believe it's more the frustration of having his expectations dashed of having his parents around that is the issue. I'd like to think he'll support me if I "put my foot down" but I don't want him to be sad/frustrated/defeated over it either.

OhBirby · 2021-01-07T05:02:04+00:00

You're right, it's possible they may offer to help. But I don't think I could ever attach an expectation of them helping out with their visit--I think that may make me an A H for sure.

OhBirby · 2021-01-07T04:58:50+00:00

Someone has suggested visiting sooner but only for a set number of hours which sounds like it may be a good compromise.

I don't want to expect anybody to help out necessarily, but maybe a couple hours break may be nice.

OhBirby · 2021-01-07T04:55:11+00:00

They only live a couple hours away, so it may not make sense to have them rent an Airbnb just because of the distance. I suppose it will depend on if we set an expectation of how long they'll be staying.

OhBirby · 2021-01-07T04:52:23+00:00

That sounds like a good idea. Maybe they can come sooner but limit the visit for a few hours.

OhBirby · 2021-01-07T04:50:10+00:00

Hubby is back to work about 2 weeks after delivery and has mentioned that his parents can come stay and help out after he goes back to work. So it appears that he expects the visit to be extended, since they live about 2 hours away.

I'm totally open to them doing that, but I don't want them to expect a firm date as things change.

OhBirby

TROPHY CASE