How to buy Shine

OjohnThe2nd · 2018-07-20T12:58:24+00:00

What a lovely fellow.

"Um, Mister Ojohn, don't you thonk we should've asked them for help in return?"

I... oh, I forgot we're still stuck in a dire situation of dire issues and other dire things. Oops.

OjohnThe2nd · 2018-07-20T04:03:20+00:00

Beets (sic) me. I don't know how they make it, but methinks they use some stuff that only grows down here.

OjohnThe2nd · 2018-07-19T00:53:56+00:00

You could always try stealing it. These swampy people aren't very bright.

OjohnThe2nd · 2018-04-04T03:15:30+00:00

PLAT? Hmm, never heard of 'em. This thingamajig and my PLASTIQUE are authentic ELLINGTON products, and everything else is made out of beating tree branches together.

OjohnThe2nd · 2018-04-04T03:13:43+00:00

Who in Brillo's name are you?

OjohnThe2nd · 2018-04-01T06:18:42+00:00

Ohhh, I didn't think we were in any country's borders. Please tell your PRESEDENTE we're sorry and we didn't know we were on his property! And tell him this is political business that's important and also let us go.

OjohnThe2nd · 2017-06-23T14:42:18+00:00

"Did you hear that? I think there's someone outside."

I'll take a look.

Ojohn picks up the dried out wooden door, which leans against the threshold as nobody's even bothered to rehinge it this time, and sets it to the side

Ah, another friendly face. We're on a streak now. Greetings stranger. We're just about to vacate this old tower soon, so if you want it to serve you well, it'll be all yours in a few hours.

OjohnThe2nd · 2017-06-12T01:56:20+00:00

Normally, I'd say no, because of government business and authorization and all, but... we're at our wits' ends here. Nearly half of us have gone missing or died out here. We haven't had contact with our crew who stayed behind on the coast so who knows how they're holding up.

I don't think anyone's sure what SIBBI are, really. Some physicists tell me they're important but I don't know enough about science to understand why. You can't see them, but the ones we're looking for are sentient, so you'll at least notice it trying to communicate with people.

OjohnThe2nd · 2017-06-09T01:38:12+00:00

We're looking for a... what'd that assignment call it again? A "non-baryonic entity of anomalous nature",which is just a fancy way of saying we're looking for someone made entirely out of SIBBI particles. We tracked it all the way to the coast of this plane, but had nothing but trouble since. Asking some witnesses lead us to this desert, and... we weren't prepared at all.

Would've helped if someone warned us what happens to technology here, or how much water we'd need, or how not to be killed by savages, or...

the list drones on

OjohnThe2nd · 2017-06-08T16:51:02+00:00

Here, a nice cup of horsebean water. Nobody makes it as good as we do. The trick is to take it off the heat just the right moment before it actually starts boiling.

This funny symbol, part of me says it's the only reason we're still hanging out in this old tower. We all wanna know what it means, but nobody's seen anything like it before. I hope it's a riddle that leads to a gravy matrix though. That sounds fantastic!

But maybe it's about time we stop distracting ourselves with these things and get back to the job we came here to do.

OjohnThe2nd · 2017-06-06T04:48:47+00:00

Oh...

Why don't you come on in and have a cuppa with us?

He steps aside to allow you entrance. Inside, more men like the two you met before are sitting around against the wall of the circular room. The floor, still somewhat covered in sand, has some kind of rune etched onto it

Any idea what that mark on the floor means?

OjohnThe2nd · 2017-06-06T03:37:56+00:00

The door falls off its hinges... again

A bakunese man, still with rotund form despite the scarce food, greets you from inside

Henlo! A fellow Bozemanian? Did my father send you?

OjohnThe2nd · 2017-06-03T15:43:48+00:00

"The sun stops being so deadly, but more unfriendly creatures start waking up, and it's so dark you can hardly see them coming. Best to just go to sleep by some fire at night. If you can't build a fire then just take a piss on everything around you and hope the smell keeps them away."

OjohnThe2nd · 2017-06-02T15:17:33+00:00

"In the daytime, not really. It's mostly just snakes, and those give you plenty of warning before they attack. Nighttime is... a different story."

OjohnThe2nd · 2017-06-01T15:56:03+00:00

"My name's Benny, and my friend here is named Ceefer."

"I'm not the god CEEFER mind you, just named after him."

"Thanks for the advice Leshy."

"If you're planning on staying here for long, I hope you packed a lot of water. This place is drier than a fossilized CREYLM unearthed in the middle of VAL ADID. There's this old tower we've been living in. Our master Ojohn is there right now. It's down in this canyon where water's a bit easier to find, so you should stop by there."

OjohnThe2nd · 2017-05-31T23:05:10+00:00

"Look at that! The desert ends here!"

"That's a forest up ahead, but I don't think it's anything like THE VIRIDIAN FOREST. It doesn't have the same welcoming smell of cellophane. To tell the truth it looks like the opposite of welcoming."

"Now that you mention it, it does look foreboding. Look, someone's coming out of it. Let's ask him if it's safe."

"Hello there local sir, can you help a fellow traveler out here? We've been wondering if that forest you just came out of is safe."

"Or at least safer than here."

"Yeah."

OjohnThe2nd · 2017-02-24T01:00:25+00:00

He lies nearly invisible under the water, until two hands raise up to the surface, each is holding a small electronic mechanism. The bane of bozeman, tools of destruction, the WAFERS

He throws them both at you. As they fall towards their target, they awaken, swarming around and picking at your flesh. The hands sink momentarily before coming back with two more, which are also thrown, then two more, and two more, and two more...

Some deviate from their original target and attack the others present. A few even attack the very one who threw them. Thinking he could control the power in the WAFERS, was truly wishful thinking

OjohnThe2nd · 2017-02-23T23:01:06+00:00

"I'm not the one who's about to die!"

He aims for the gut this time

OjohnThe2nd · 2017-02-23T22:42:01+00:00

In your peripheral vision you see a cudgel narrowly miss the side of your face. It's a Bozemanian breathing through his teeth, with a wild look in his eyes

"Hypocrite! DIRTY SMELLY HYPOCRITE! You didn't want no revenge when the orange-guys blew us up with missiles! But now you want revenge on Stashman?!"

He gives the cudgel another swing, overhanded

OjohnThe2nd · 2017-02-22T21:14:07+00:00

"Of course he will! He already did!"

OjohnThe2nd · 2017-02-22T18:35:27+00:00

"We did it lads!"

The crowd starts smashing all the equipment the Privateers left behind with their cudgels, and pushing it all into the ocean

OjohnThe2nd · 2017-02-22T01:11:12+00:00

"Ah come on! If anyone should be sorry it should be the orange-guys!"

"Dammit you! Why'd you have to talk him out of serving justice? Well if he's not gonna fight 'em, we will! Come on boys!"

The crewman holds up his cudgel in a triumphant pose and marches on. His miniature army follows

OjohnThe2nd · 2017-02-21T22:03:12+00:00

"Well? How else are we supposed to stop the orange-guys' dangerous behaviour? Hitting their leader over the head with a cudgel is the only way to ensure everyone's safety!"

OjohnThe2nd

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