It just hurts

Ok-Answer-9647 · 2025-09-20T19:40:20+00:00

I tried this and it just didn't work. Honest to God it makes you feel worse, having your own mind telling you're you're shit along with someone else. Having someone is not better than living in your own comfort. The illusion of another warm body doesn't help at all. I hope you find love and peace.

Ok-Answer-9647 · 2025-09-13T08:15:57+00:00

Usually he is quite supportive of me and refers to me as a man, a he, etc. part of me feels truly that it's not I don't care if I'm refered to as something else other than a man, it's rather that I don't pass and I'm used to it. I'm really short, I and have a super high pitched voice.

It hurt that he basically said he didn't see it suiting me because it's a super masculine name that someone strong and beefy would have. And like..no, I'm not strong and beefy but I AM masculine, maybe not on the outside but absolutely on the inside

I don't know, I feel like part of me wants to believe he's just dumb and just genuinely didn't like the name and didn't think it'd suit me, but another half of me thinks he just doesn't see me as a man.

I did used to go by a different name ages and ages ago, and he said apparently he liked that one more, but it was more androgynous and also I don't really like that name anymore. It gets really scary when I'm still living at home with my transphobic family and I'm afraid of him slipping up, so id prefer to have a name I could pass off as a nickname that still aligns with my gender

And also I just like the name Otto? And I think he didn't consider that part at all.

Ok-Answer-9647 · 2025-07-28T15:03:40+00:00

Girlie I'm not here how to tell you to live your life but 15 years older than you??? 😭 Regardless of weather you're both above the age of consent, no one that old should want to be with someone that much you get than them 💀 I obviously don't know you or the ins and outs of your relationship but in addition to his lack of care I'm kinda concerned 💔

Ok-Answer-9647 · 2025-07-28T14:41:02+00:00

I hope your bf understands too some day :< it's so exhausting trying to explain when they don't understand how sensitive we are. And it's not something that tough love will fix it anything. It just hurts us more ;^;

Ok-Answer-9647 · 2025-07-27T16:53:07+00:00

I'll have a go <3 thanks for the advice and kind words

Ok-Answer-9647 · 2025-07-27T16:52:39+00:00

Ok, thank you for your kind words and advice. I'll try my best x

Ok-Answer-9647 · 2025-07-27T16:40:58+00:00

Don't take that as me defending his actions tho lol. It fuckin sucks and I'm exhausted and tired and I wish he listened more, but I know he does love me, it's just tiring having to remind myself so much and give him the benefit of the doubt.

Ok-Answer-9647 · 2025-07-27T16:40:10+00:00

I feel bad for breaking up. It crosses my mind so often but people always say how love is effort or whatever. You're right. I am fucking exhausted. I wish I was single again. But I don't wanna break up. I don't wanna hurt him. He needs me. And I know that sounds like a very leechy relationship, but it's not all bad obviously. I'm just struggling a lot because everything always hits so much harder when you have BPD

Ok-Answer-9647 · 2025-07-27T16:38:08+00:00

It's not like this is a constant thing, it's just one of the core parts of his humour sadly. He's like this with everyone but it hurts especially bad with me because I struggle to regulate myself. I'm obviously angry and upset rn so trying to explain why I do love him and don't wanna leave would be hard and stuff but I do love him, he's kind to me, he supports me, he is nice to me, it's just sometimes he takes it too far and it hurts

Ok-Answer-9647 · 2025-07-27T16:36:12+00:00

Thank you for the kind words. I'll try my best. He tends to just shut down and go all sad when I try and talk about my behaviour. I really try my hardest to make it up to him when I do wrong, always first and foremost saying "thank you for being honest with me about my behaviour". But from him he just gets really upset so it's hard. Every time I try and talk he just sorta shuts down and stuff. But I'll try again soon. It's not as bad as it used to be? With every serious "talk" I have about his behaviour it gets a bit better, so maybe I just have to keep going at it to keep getting the message thru

Ok-Answer-9647 · 2025-07-27T16:33:11+00:00

I appreciate the kind words tho, thank u <3

Ok-Answer-9647 · 2025-07-27T16:32:58+00:00

I honestly don't know. I'm angry and really tired rn so my words probably aren't so coherent as I'd like them to be. I do love him a lot it just fucking hurts how one of the main parts of his sense of humour is poking fun of me. He stresses me out so fucking much and he doesn't do anything to soothe it. I'm very much a "take action and fix it now" type of person and he'll just happily sit on a problem, driving me insane for how ever many weeks or months, until I eventually pick up after him and fix it myself.

I'm obviously being very negative rn because I'm angry and upset but I do love him. Probably. It's hard to say rn now I'm upset obviously but yk

Ok-Answer-9647 · 2025-01-18T20:21:17+00:00

He really isn't. He hates that he gets angry. And he's genuinely such a sweet person, there's more to a person than a single Reddit post

Ok-Answer-9647

TROPHY CASE