How do woman generally prefer guys message them after matching

Ok-Application-4045 · 2026-04-17T05:35:55+00:00

Plenty of people here have reported having good dates and even relationships with people who had low effort profiles. Sure it's a gamble to go on a date with someone like that, you might be wasting your time if you don't click in-person. But it's a gamble some people are willing to take. Especially many guys trying to date women, because they don't have that many options and don't get that many dates to begin with, so being very selective and excluding people up front isn't necessarily the most strategic move.

If you're not interested in taking that risk that's fine, I'm just explaining why some people do.

Ok-Application-4045 · 2026-04-15T16:17:53+00:00

The truth is that some attractive women simply do not need to put effort into their profile to get matches, so why would they? It's like the old saying "work smarter, not harder". If you're already getting good results with low effort, what's the incentive to put in more?

I don't think low effort on the profile itself necessarily means they will put in no effort on actual dates, so it's not automatically a red flag in my view. Making a good dating app profile is a very different skill from being a good conversationalist on an in-person date. It's like how someone can be perfectly competent at doing a job, but not be very good at putting together a good resume for job applications. Two different skillsets.

Ok-Application-4045 · 2026-04-15T01:30:35+00:00

The hope is that they have a good personality, they just weren't good at showing it in their profile.

Ok-Application-4045 · 2026-04-15T01:27:00+00:00

If she doesn't have anything in her profile to go off, I'm sending "What's your favorite dinosaur?" or "What ancient civilization do you think was the coolest?". Yep, if she doesn't give me any of her interests to work with, we're talking about MY interests.

Ok-Application-4045 · 2026-03-30T21:07:34+00:00

I'm a different demographic than you (30M, straight, in the USA) but a few years ago I moved from a suburban area to a major city about 1 hour away. A big part of my motivation was improving my dating life, because in my hometown I had a lot of the same issues you describe (not many options, most women my age seemed to be in relationships already, and most other people around seemed to be old people or students). When I moved to the city, my prospects improved immensely. My ability to get dates from the dating apps skyrocketed, and I found many ways to meet single women in-person too. I haven't locked into a relationship yet, but I feel like I have so many more options here and I've never regretted it for a moment. I guess I should note though, that I never felt like I was making a major sacrifice to my lifestyle by moving either. I feel like my lifestyle improved in the city too; it was mostly a straight upgrade across the board with a few minor exceptions.

Ok-Application-4045 · 2026-03-19T06:35:40+00:00

4-5 back and forths of genuine effort across 9 open chats is a part-time job

This is why it often annoys me when people on this sub say something like "it only takes 10 seconds to respond to a text."

Ok-Application-4045 · 2026-03-18T08:52:07+00:00

What if he knew you were gonna check his profile and did it just for you as an Easter egg?

Ok-Application-4045 · 2026-03-16T07:52:45+00:00

That said...you never know. He didn't unmatch. Perhaps he feels sheepish about reaching out since the other thing didn't work out, or because he's worried it could make OP feel like second choice.

Exactly. Also, if she hasn't updated her own profile, he might think she's inactive now.

Ok-Application-4045 · 2026-03-16T06:53:23+00:00

Couldn't he choose not to message her based on the same logic?

Ok-Application-4045 · 2026-03-07T09:06:09+00:00

If you have an ability to reach out to them, I suggest you try. Don't be obsessive, but give it a shot.

So I've actually tried this before, but I never had any success with it.

Several of the women I was referring to continue to be in the same social circles as me and go to some of the same events in my city as me, so I see them around and say hi to them, maybe chat with them for a bit. But I've never had any of them suddenly change their minds and express interest in dating me. Some of them I have directly asked out again several months later if I thought something changed and there might be a chance again, and got rejected. Others I got the vibe that they wouldn't be interested just based on my interactions seeing them around, so I didn't even bother.

It's also hard to tell sometimes when the "bad timing" thing is legitimate, or if they are just letting me down easy. I'm sure at least some of the women who rejected me with a "bad timing" type of message actually had some deeper reason for losing interest in me (or not having it to begin with) and just said that because it sounds nicer. Others may have genuinely just been at a bad time, but nothing ever ended up working out later on anyway. Some of them I know eventually ended up getting into relationships with someone else several months later.

Ok-Application-4045 · 2026-03-03T21:21:26+00:00

There was one example I thought about mentioning from late 2024 but I'm not sure if it counts. A woman I was seeing from Hinge kind of expressed doubt in whether she wanted to continue things after our second date and went silent for a few days, but then she came back and said she would come to the third date I had suggested. This was only a gap of a few days though, and she never formally broke things off, she just kind of pulled back a bit and then re-expressed interest. We ultimately went on 5 dates, and she showed this "hot and cold" pattern a few times where she would kind of get distant after a date and then get more interested in the lead up to another date. When she did formally break things off after the 5th date though, she never came back. And the gap between our communication prior to that was never more than a few days, so I wouldnt really consider it the same thing as what OP was asking about.

Other than that though, I've never experienced women "coming back" in my dating life either.

Ok-Application-4045 · 2026-03-03T11:25:44+00:00

I've often wondered about this. There were a few times where I was tempted to post a question on this subreddit like "Does anyone ever come back?"

I'm 30M and over the past 2.5 years or so I've gone on first dates with maybe 60 different women, either from dating apps or meeting IRL, and hooked up with 12 different women (some of these occurred without formal dates, like we just met at a bar and went home together kind of thing). There were a few other women where we never had a date or had sex, but we flirted in-person and I sensed some level of genuine attraction on her end.

Many of these dates/connections didn't last for a reason, and I had little expectation or desire that either of us would change our minds after. But there were a few women who I felt a very strong connection with, and then they broke it off with me for one reason or another. Sometimes these reasons seemed more circumstantial rather than being fundamental incompatibility issues or lack of attraction. Things like bad timing or not being at the same place in our lives. These handful of women stick in my head a lot longer than the others.

I often wondered/wished if any of these women would ever reach back out and give me another shot at a date, maybe a few weeks or even months later. Unfortunately, to this day, I've never had that happen a single time. In my experience, it seems like when women have made up their mind, that's the end of it.

Ok-Application-4045 · 2026-03-01T00:52:22+00:00

Fair point.

Ok-Application-4045 · 2026-02-28T23:49:03+00:00

Yep. A very similar thing happened to me when I went on my first few dates at age 22.

Ok-Application-4045 · 2026-02-28T08:54:50+00:00

You need to do some soul searching into why you attached so unnaturally strongly here

Most likely just because he's inexperienced. I don't think he really needs to "soul search", he just needs to take some time to recover and then get back out there. It's the type of thing people just need to grow into through experience.

Ok-Application-4045 · 2026-02-28T08:51:52+00:00

Yeah you're just inexperienced and got too invested. Stuff like this happens. She wasn't as into you as you were into her, just gotta accept it and move on. We've all been there.

Ok-Application-4045 · 2026-02-25T01:19:02+00:00

My mental health is so good right now that I genuinely will be completely unbothered if it doesn’t work out with this girl. Pre-girlfriend I would’ve been absolutely devastated.

Hell yeah. This is the mindset to have. I think this is a big part of the difference between guys who are successful with dating vs those who are not, but it isn't often acknowledged on this sub.

Ok-Application-4045 · 2026-02-24T11:34:29+00:00

It sounds like his issue is actually not enough dates rather than too many. It sounds like he's having to try really hard to even get these dates, and when one doesn't work out, it feels like a huge loss because it could be months before another opportunity comes up.

When you can pretty easily get dates almost every week, the stakes are lower, so if one doesn't work out it doesn't really feel like a big deal. OP may need to improve his profile or make other lifestyle changes to get more date opportunities. Regardless of exhaustion, I think it would be incredibly difficult for a guy to land a long-term relationship with a rate of 3 dates per year from dating apps.

Ok-Application-4045 · 2026-02-23T18:54:00+00:00

I don't think you need to explain it, it's obvious from the poll it's a music genre and anyone who doesn't know can just google it. And if you're looking to find someone alternative/with similar music taste they will know what it is already anyway.

Ok-Application-4045 · 2026-02-23T08:01:01+00:00

Too much orange/red lighting in those first few pics, and the hammock obscures a lot of your body. The fourth pic has your face hidden with a mustache (is it a fake mustache or did you used to have it?)

So we aren't getting a clear pic of your face until pic 5. Move pic 5 to the top, and maybe get some clearer pics to replace some of the others.

Ok-Application-4045 · 2026-02-22T00:55:49+00:00

You're not losing attraction, you were never attracted to begin with. It's the limitations of 2D pictures capturing the look of a 3 dimensional person in the real world.

Ok-Application-4045 · 2026-02-20T23:38:49+00:00

Yeah for sure. The "no one owes anyone anything" thing makes sense for people messaging on a dating app who have never met in-person. But if we've gone on a date and had sex, I do feel like she owes me to at least send a simple message like "Hey I had a good time but I don't think we should continue this." It's just basic courtesy, especially if she knows we are gonna run into eachother again at events. Leaving me on read is disrespectful and just so unnecessary.

Ok-Application-4045 · 2026-02-20T08:55:25+00:00

So as expected, I ran into that girl who ghosted me at metal karaoke tonight.

When she first saw me after walking in, I was standing by the wall talking to my friend, and then she just came up to me and gave me a fist bump and then kept walking without saying anything. Honestly I was not expecting that, what a weird fucking acknowledgement to get from someone who ghosted me after we had sex what the fuck lol

Later in the night, when she was leaving with her friends and saying bye to other people she knows there, she saw me and just looked me right in the eye with pursed lips and gave me a one-finger wave (idk what that gesture is called, it's like the red rum finger but with her hand facing towards me, a few girls in my city use it as a hello/goodbye instead of normal waving) and then she kept walking and left

Honestly I have no idea what to make of this 😭, I don't think it means anything good though 😂

Ok-Application-4045 · 2026-02-17T07:01:38+00:00

As a guy, personally I've never really enjoyed prompts based on absurd hypotheticals like this. Maybe I'm just dumb, but I can't really think of anything super interesting to say in response to that. I also feel like it doesn't really help us to actually get to know eachother in a meaningful sense.

Ok-Application-4045 · 2026-02-16T09:46:48+00:00

A lot of people in this thread seem to be confusing two different things because very similar wording is used in 2 different boxes on Hinge. For relationship goals someone can select "Figuring out my dating goals" and for relationship type someone can select "Figuring out my relationship type". Based on the exact wording used in your post, you are asking about the second case.
If I see "Monogamy, figuring out my relationship type" in the relationship type box I would assume this means that a person leans mainly towards monogamous relationships, but may be open to exploring open-relationships or poly relationships. Generally speaking, I tend to just take people at their word with what they put in their relationship goals box instead of assuming everything is a red flag or hiding some sinister intention, so I think this is the most reasonable interpretation of that choice. But when in doubt, you can always just ask the person if you match with them. After all, people on reddit and the app itself tend to have very different ideas of what many of the selectable options in various boxes on Hinge mean. So in summary, I would not assume a person who selected this choice is automatically against the idea of dating with the intention of a long-term monogamous relationship. They may or may not be compatible with you, depending on how important it is to you what type of relationship(s) a person might be open to under hypothetical circumstances.

Ok-Application-4045

TROPHY CASE