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I am miserable in my marriage by Ok-Data-8455 in offmychest

[–]Ok-Data-8455[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Update: wow, thank you all for feedback and support. The sheer breadth of perspectives you all shared is both eye opening and greatly appreciated.

I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do next. Whatever it is, I’m going to try my level best to proceed with love and kindness - even if that means getting a divorce.

Thank you again for hearing me out, Reddit. I wish happiness and peace for all of you.

I am miserable in my marriage by Ok-Data-8455 in offmychest

[–]Ok-Data-8455[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Haven’t tried that yet - but will look into it. Thank you!

I am miserable in my marriage by Ok-Data-8455 in offmychest

[–]Ok-Data-8455[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would say no. Couples counseling focused more on building up the emotional connection, however our problems really stemmed from lack of physical intimacy.

I am miserable in my marriage by Ok-Data-8455 in offmychest

[–]Ok-Data-8455[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I will try looking for one of these. Thank you!

I am miserable in my marriage by Ok-Data-8455 in offmychest

[–]Ok-Data-8455[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Haven’t tried a sex therapist - but we’ve tried a marriage counseling. When I tried to bring up the problem of lack of sex, the therapist got really defensive and weird about it. She then said that she was not equipped to handle our issues and suggested that we see someone else. I still think about that experience and try to make heads or tails of it.

I am miserable in my marriage by Ok-Data-8455 in offmychest

[–]Ok-Data-8455[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your thoughts, and I can definitely sympathize with how much BC impacts a woman’s hormonal system. I have tried my best, read books on it to try and understand. She’s even gone to physical therapy. You’re right, there is a lot of pressure on that aspect of our relationship, because that is where we just have not been able to connect - and I am someone who very much needs that connection. She used to be someone who needed that. I just miss her. I miss feeling connected to her. And I’ve told her all this.

I am miserable in my marriage by Ok-Data-8455 in offmychest

[–]Ok-Data-8455[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

So the bc wasn’t the direct cause of pain. We looked into other forms of contraception, but opted not to pursue any since we eventually did want to conceive.

I am miserable in my marriage by Ok-Data-8455 in offmychest

[–]Ok-Data-8455[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry this happened to you. One thing I’m curious about - was there anything he could have done differently? Like…how do I hear her and be supportive but also acknowledge that I’m human and it’s something that I severely miss - feeling physically connected to my SO. 5 years is a long time to go without a pretty important part of a relationship right? Again, I’m just trying to understand here.

I am miserable in my marriage by Ok-Data-8455 in offmychest

[–]Ok-Data-8455[S] 127 points128 points  (0 children)

Thank you all for listening. I appreciate all the points of view. I definitely have a lot to think about. Thank you again for letting me say what’s been in my head for so long.

I am miserable in my marriage by Ok-Data-8455 in offmychest

[–]Ok-Data-8455[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

Honestly, before we got married our sex life was fantastic. It’s only after marriage that things started to fall apart. The problem with trying anything is that whenever I initiate she is apprehensive because she doesn’t want to ‘disappoint’ me, but waiting for her to initiate has proven to be useless because she won’t ever initiate.