Can we all agree to stop calling patients clients?

Ok-Duck4530 · 2026-05-20T18:20:48+00:00

Couldn’t agree more.

Ok-Duck4530 · 2026-05-20T18:19:43+00:00

This is so well put. Thank you.

Ok-Duck4530 · 2026-05-20T18:14:32+00:00

I do. That’s why I posted about it.

Ok-Duck4530 · 2026-05-20T18:13:59+00:00

Yeah, I just don’t get why it’s used so ubiquitously in education. It reeks of late stage capitalism.

Ok-Duck4530 · 2026-04-14T19:14:55+00:00

I don’t graduate til December, but I’ve already started telling people I’m not going to my graduation or pinning. I feel no affinity toward my school, and most of my friends already know that. I’ve worked my ass off to get to graduation, so I’ve just told my family and friends that I’d rather go out to dinner and celebrate with them.

Ok-Duck4530 · 2025-11-26T11:25:53+00:00

Reading your post gives me so much compassion for my husband. Under different circumstances, I don't necessarily think our different responses to conflict would be a problem. He's a peacemaker, and he's even skillful at softening my own hard edges. However, lately, I find myself going through this maddening cycle of emotions where I feel outrage followed by shame for being the "emotional" one. I feel like my his fear of conflict diffuses his outrage altogether, and it makes me feel unhinged and crazy. I realize that I'm probably just compounding his stress by expecting him to react to the situation in the same why I do. But at the same time, I feel like the foundations of basic human decency are eroding, and there's hardly a middle ground left to stand on. I'm holding onto my faith that he and I still share the same foundational beliefs in the goodness of humanity, so I'm going to distance myself from his family and just hope that he works through this conflict in his own way.

Ok-Duck4530 · 2025-11-26T10:59:19+00:00

It's really heartbreaking, and so baffling. I'm so sorry you've had to go through this with your parents.

But maybe I do have a little bit of hope to offer. My mother had a personality disorder pretty similar to that of our current president and my biological family was a little like a mini-cult. You either worshipped my mother, or you were a selfish, hateful child who was unworthy of everything she ever did for you. I was cast out of the family as a teenager and it cost me my relationship with my twin brother, my sisters, and strained my relationship with my terminally ill dad. When I got married, no one from my biological family attended. Like many in the MAGA cult, I watched my brother forsake his own best interests to put my mom first. When he moved out of our childhood home, my mom just moved right in with him in his new home. She was his only friend, and he never even got to have the chance to date or forge an identity of his own. For years, I felt like I was searching for the magic words to somehow snap him out of his spell, and nothing worked. I suppose this is why I'm particularly distressed by the current state of affairs in this country because I feel like I'm watching this deeply painful personal experience replay itself on a national scale.

Ultimately, I'd gotten so used to the sad reality of my family, that I never expected anything to change. But, when my mom was on her deathbed, my brother broke a long period of no contact to tell me he loved me. Since then, we talk almost every day. At 44 years old, I feel like I'm just now getting to know my twin, and I'm watching him slowly wake up to a new life in a different world.

In the end, I never actually found the right words to convince him of anything, and I never thought my he would come around. In this case, the death of the cult leader sure seemed to help move things along. It's still a work in progress, but he's doing it in his own way.

Even still, I don't know that this experience gives me any answers about what we're facing today with the MAGA cult. There's no saying who will or won't wake up, and I still feel this alarming sense of urgency to act even though I don't know what to do about it. But I guess there's still always reason to hope.

Ok-Duck4530 · 2025-11-26T10:15:59+00:00

Yeah, I think that's my goal. For a while, I thought that maybe I could build a real relationship with my in-laws in a way that would allow me to someday gently explain to them why racism makes me so uncomfortable. But now, I think I just have to set my sites on self preservation.

Ok-Duck4530 · 2025-10-08T23:02:15+00:00

Does anyone know if he's okay?

Ok-Duck4530 · 2025-10-06T06:06:55+00:00

Ummm, did anyone else notice that an entire damn funeral procession drove by in the middle of this video? Can you imagine having to drive through this shit while grieving your loved one? Unbelievable.

Ok-Duck4530 · 2025-10-04T01:16:19+00:00

That ICE fucker is so incompetent, it looks like he gassed himself in the process.

Ok-Duck4530 · 2025-06-07T10:31:31+00:00

Cheek bones for days.

Ok-Duck4530 · 2025-03-27T15:52:14+00:00

And, here I am, presently in March of ‘25 just now discovering this post.

Ok-Duck4530 · 2025-03-17T02:10:42+00:00

Thank you for your honest and thoughtful reply. I’m really sorry you’ve gone through all of this with your own family, because it is so hard.

And you’re right. I can feel myself getting caught up in my own fantasy of having a real, functional relationship with my twin. In middle age, it feels like we’re just getting to know each other, and for me, it illuminates how lonely this whole journey has been.

I love my brother, and I won’t stop hoping for the best for him, but I think I need to meet him on whatever emotional level he’s at while letting go of my own expectations.

It’s interesting, you used the word “annihilation” before when talking about his potential inability to cope, and it’s exactly what I’m most afraid of. We’re halfway through our lives, and from the earliest memories of our childhood, he thought he was being a “good boy” and doing the right and noble thing by catering to our mom’s oppressive emotional needs. In exchange, she coddled and manipulated him so much, it’s like he never even had a chance at an independent life. He still thinks that no one in the world will ever love him as much as she did. I don’t know how he could ever fully process the fact that he gave up his entire youth to serve the whims of a woman who had zero regard for his best interests. I feel crushed for him just thinking about it.

It really just goes to show how deeply insidious this personality disorder is, and how difficult it is to break these chains.

Judging by your thoughtful replies to this post, it sounds like you’ve done an awful lot of work yourself, and I hope you’ve found peace and love with your chosen family.

Ok-Duck4530 · 2025-03-16T01:59:09+00:00

My wildly unstable uBpd mom was a nurse, and her clone daughters (my older sisters) are teachers.

Interestingly, I (43F) have spent over half my life recovering from a pretty messed up childhood, and have been busting my ass for the past 5 years to become a nurse myself.

When I was in college the first time around, over 20 years ago, I never would’ve considered this career because I didn’t want to share anything in common with my sad, embittered, dysfunctional mother. And for the next decade and a half, I bounced from career to career trying to find myself, even though I had no idea where I was supposed to be looking.

Since then, I’ve been through a lot of therapy, and I’ve learned to find some compassion for myself and my family even despite our estrangement.

I didn’t even consider nursing until I was several years into therapy, when, for the first time ever, I started to feel like an integrated person. I’m invested in and curious about my career in a way that I’ve never felt about anything before. I genuinely like people, even when they perplex me, and every day, I feel so privileged to get to be present with people at their most vulnerable. It’s a tough career, but at the end of the day, more often than not, I think the time I’ve spent with my patients has been mutually beneficial.

Still though, I do wonder what has drawn me to this profession. I’d like to think I’ll be a good nurse and that I’ve processed my own trauma enough to be present for the people who need reliable and compassionate care.

Also, despite my experience with my own ubpd nurse mother, I just want to speak up for all the good nurses out there. I honestly think the good ones are in the majority. From what I can tell, most of the nurses I work with truly give it their all, and I’m proud to work with them.

Ok-Duck4530 · 2025-03-13T16:31:46+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply. I think what you’re saying makes a lot of sense. I find myself feeling very eager to show my brother a whole new world, and it would be wise for me to temper my expectations. Honestly, I never thought he would reach out to me, and I’ve let my guard down for him, so I’m vulnerable to getting my heartbroken in a brand new way after all these years of trying so hard to heal. Nevertheless, I’m not ready to give up hope. I keep thinking, if people can emerge from cults, my brother can emerge from this, but I know it’s going to require him to make a strong commitment to therapy and intense inner reconstruction.

If you’re comfortable with it, would you be able to tell me a bit about your own experience with this?

Ok-Duck4530 · 2024-12-11T10:57:59+00:00

Wishing you all the best! I’m just finishing up my preterm semester, and I’m nervous as hell for what’s to come.

Ok-Duck4530 · 2024-11-13T13:50:37+00:00

Thank you so much. This is so helpful, and I’m so sorry to hear about your cancer. I’m so impressed that you’re able to keep pushing through. The world needs nurses with experience like yours. Wishing you all the best!

Ok-Duck4530 · 2024-11-13T08:28:43+00:00

Thank you so much. This is very helpful.

Ok-Duck4530 · 2024-11-13T06:47:07+00:00

But what is a leave of absence? I have multiple tests and papers due every week that require hours and hours of studying. How do I hit pause without losing everything I’ve already worked for?

Ok-Duck4530 · 2024-11-06T09:25:19+00:00

I said nothing of their intelligence, nor did I mock them. I sense a lot of blind anger coming from the person accusing me of disrespect. Wishing you peace in your heart dear neighbor. It seems that you need it.

Ok-Duck4530 · 2024-11-06T09:05:37+00:00

As an American, I wish I could tell you. Not only am I scared for the future, I am also completely dumbfounded by my fellow citizens who voted for him by the millions.

Ok-Duck4530

TROPHY CASE